Painfully shy Scorpio
September 24, 2007 by Jeffrey Kishner
Stacie provided a birth time (click chart to view) and writes,
My question is really quite simple, I would like some helpful hints on how to get out there (into the dating scene). I think the main problem is I am so secretive about my personal life, I almost feel angry when someone continues to pursue a question even further. I like to keep to myself and sharing with someone else absolutely terrifies me. They don’t need to know what happened in the past, all they need to know is that I like to eat take out chinese and watch a movie. I’m so afraid to have someone really get to know me … they may not like what they see. I can be kind of intense and too serious for people.
You sound like a classic Scorpio to the nth degree. However, there are other chart factors contributing to your fear:
- Venus conjunct Pluto: You’re terrified of intimacy, all too aware of the potential for abuse and manipulation in relationships. I’d venture to guess that you’ve been traumatized, and that you don’t feel safe exposing your secrets to a near-stranger. There’s no way to honestly talk about your past without acknowledging your hurt, so you’d rather avoid discussing it all together.
- Virgo Rising: This sign on your Ascendant contributes to an impossible-to-reach perfectionism that leads to self-criticism. If you feel you’re not good enough, you conclude that no one else will value you, either. (Your Sun sign Scorpio has also been known to be self-loathing!)
- Saturn in Leo: Not feeling special, fear of being seen. (The emperor has no clothes?) All the more harmful since it’s in your 12th House of Self-Undoing.
The most elevated planet in your chart is your Moon in Gemini. You feel comfortable being superficial (take-out and a movie), yet how long can you stay on the surface in the dating world? You just completed your Saturn Return, when transiting Saturn returns to its original position when you were born. Your natal Saturn rules your Fifth House of Romance, so it makes sense that you’re taking this area of your life seriously. In other words, you’re nearly 30 and single, and you’re not getting any younger. You want a relationship, yet your terror of being seen as worthless or bad is sabotaging your dating success.
After a Saturn Return, single people are most likely looking to settle down and start a family, not just casually date — for Saturn is the planet of mortality and responsibility. If you’re too guarded, a date won’t know if he wants to get to know you further. He’ll wonder what you’re hiding, or assume that you’re shutting him out because you don’t like him.
Your “dating planets” are in outgoing signs (Venus in Libra, Mars in Leo), so you probably have the flirtatious/seductive thing down (especially with Venus conjunct Pluto!). I don’t think you need to know so much “how to get out there,” as “how to get over your self-hatred and fear of being destroyed.” That, my dear, requires a psychotherapist, not a dating coach.
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Great advice!
Dear Scorp I think you need to learn to trust yourself and open up.
Best of luck to you
Do you give sessions over the phone? Haha just kidding. Thank you for your prompt response. I think what you wrote made a lot of sense. Although, I must say, Jeffrey easier said than done. I don’t hate myself though. I don’t like some things about myself, but that is the way my world works. I will forever be trying to improve myself. I realize that “perfect” is relative, but I have come to the conclusion that I can a least search for satisfaction and contentment. I think I will always be striving for the highest ideal. . .habit I suppose.
Hi, Stacie. Thank you for sharing your chart I am learning astrology and have found Jeffrey’s website informative. I am a Scorpio, Sagittarius Rising, and 4 planets in Virgo with heavy earth signs, so I know what you mean by perfection and always wanting to improve the relationship, I have learned how to use that in a good way and read more of my intuition. By learning more about my intuitive self, and opening my heart to understanding, I started to go with the flow and just let things happen. Believe me it is much more fun when you just let things happen. Have you read your progressed chart? I have started that to work off my analytical steam and it has been fun, I have learned quite a bit about myself, situations and why I felt that way at the time. I would leave the website where you can get your free progressed chart but I’m not sure if you can post that kind of stuff here. That’s my Virgo talking. Will check with Jeff and post later. Sharon
@Sharon (Scorpio), you are welcome to link to resources such as where to get a free progressed chart.
@Stacie, As a matter of fact, I do do phone readings!
I have an 8th house Sun, with Saturn in Leo and Venus-Pluto conjunct like you; one of my biggest issues is that I am worried that other people never will care as much about me as I about them. (Eventually, I have figured it must be because I don’t know how to let them!) I wouldn’t be surprised if you can identify with this to some extent. The best of luck with your self-improvement:)
I actually know someone who was born a day or two before you (with the Moon in Taurus). He’s an extremely private person, too. He’s working on a doctoral thesis in physics, his girlfriend is a psychologist! One of my favourite couples; literature-and-red-wine kind of people, very cozy home:)
i’m a scorpio. my ex-boyfriend ( a virgo) said that one of the reason for our break up was that i was too secretive. to think now,it’s so foolish. i wouldn’t let him look at pictures in my phone. he said he felt like i was still hiding. don’t be too secretive
Wow this takes the words right out of my mouth. I feel exactly the same.. it really frustrates me. I constantly feel like people won’t like me once they get to know me, because i can be a little crazy and intense sometimes, in a lot of different ways. It’s kind of hard to explain. I find myself very uncomfortable when people are asking even simple, normal or general sort of ‘get to know you’ questions. I dont know why. Hmm..
Reading this thread answers a few of my own questions about being a shy scorpio, thanks for the insight. I have to say for myself that I would rather run away from possible relationships than face any embarressing questions that might come up and I’m ashamed to say this is why at the age of 25 I’ve never had a boyfriend. Fear of peoples reactions and gossip makes it so hard to share anything!
ive seen a scorpio twice after having phone txt conversations. we made, in his words, intense love 2nd date. returning home he asked if i were interested in seeing him more. i am and told him so. he said thats what he wanted to hear… i made a call to him and he didnt return it… txt’d me 3 days later. very discrete in my opinion and i dont know if i should be complemented or cautious. he says he’s thinkin of me too. any thoughts?
I too am talking a lot with someone who is a shy scorpio and worries about what others think way too much. We both work at the same facility and it is what seems to be the problem. He likes me and I like him, he’s just afraid of the rumors and crap he’ll get from people. Me I’m a virgo and dont’ really care what others say. I’ve learned that walking away from him and not acting as if I’m soo interested really makes him come after me. I see his smile and those darn intreging eyes and I’m done for. I think this will be a slow relationship, but will definitely get somewhere. It will take my patience and understanding.
Good luck to you.
ok after reading this i definatly haft to check out charts. Now im wholley interested.
a woman is like a mans shadow walk away from it and it will follow you go towards it and it will walk away from you
OMG. This totally described me!