You know how excessive criticism from a partner makes you doubt that he loves you? Well, the opposite can run true if you’re with a Virgo. If he stops picking you apart, he doesn’t care enough to make you his improvement project. A Virgo dissects things in a quest to make them function more efficiently, and if he isn’t bothering to make you the best-running model he can … well, prepare for your pink slip.
On the other side of the spectrum, he may nitpick such minor details — that he had glossed over before because he was willing to live with a few of your flaws — that you feel every ounce of your being is under the microscope. It’s one thing to be told that a hair is out of place … it’s another to hear that the mole on your chin should be removed. When Virgo harps on aspects of yourself that cannot be changed without the help of surgery or a Scientology audit, you know he’s lost all affection for you.
About Jeffrey Kishner
@Shay:
Fortunately, I have far removed myself from the experiences I have had with several virgos and they were not all damaging…lol..its just that…unless you have a lot of time on your hands…they can be a handful to deal with….and it can practically take over your life…now tauruses…they can work with virgos…because two earth signs…both grounded…both tauruses and virgos like stability and routine..which both also provide for eachother..I know…my first boyfriend was a Taurus (which by the way he never gave me much problems) and he was very sure about what he wanted and was always clear and caring….and he happens to be with a Virgo women now (though he nor his family is happy about it…I saw him and his family this past weekend and his mother still calls me her “daughter-in-law” around his girlfriend too…)…his cousin tells me that his girlfriend is so jealous that if she wasnt his cousin, she probably woudnt be able to speak to him…smdh….so…their insecurity issues can become a life burden to bear…so just be sure that that is something you want to deal with…Tauruses can be stubborn when they decide to be with someone…and you dont want to devote yourself to a life of misery if he never gets out of his funk…and that is a possibility depending on how he handles it
Hi everyone, I was wondering if you could possibly give me some feedback so I can possibly better understand my situation with my Virgo boyfriend
I am a Taurus female with some Piscean in her and dating a Virgo whose moon sign is a Scorpio and with Venus and Mercury in Virgo.
We’ve been together for almost 5 years now, since we were both 16. When we first met, I was really happy with myself and almost every aspect of my life. I was usually always easygoing, joyful, or laughing and he said that one of the reasons he was so attracted to me was because of my personality. Unfortunately, I’ve changed, or become more like myself (and he has too) within the 5 years and this has greatly affected our relationship. I’ve grown unmotivated, self-conscious, perhaps too sensitive, fearful, and needy since I’ve gone through a couple of emotional/mental hardships. I’ve been through a couple of mild depressions from feeling like he doesn’t love/want me as much, moving away to college and feeling like I’m not smart enough, gained some weight, and been diagnosed with a panic disorder with agoraphobia. Lately, I’ve been improving but I am still not the same, exact person I was 5 years ago.
I feel like all of this has been hard for him too and I can understand now how selfless he had to be in order to be there for me since his father very recently passed away and he’s been down therefore I have to be strong and selfless in order to be there for him. But, since I am still needy at times, I’ll show it and he gets annoyed by it, starts acting mean and cold which hurts me even more. He’s acted like this about a year ago when I was going through a mild depression, which caused me to be needy, which annoyed him and was mean to me in the process; he then ended up breaking up with me (a year ago).
I am just so confused because I don’t understand why he has to be mean or cold when I want some more affection or comfort from him. Sometimes I tell myself that I shouldn’t take it too personal because he is going through a tough time therefore he might act moody at times but still, I am just too confused. I don’t know what to do. He says he enjoys my company and wants me by his side so that I can comfort him but at times, he just gets easily annoyed, acts mean and says that he wants to be alone. I just don’t know what to do :/
@Lilly:
“I am just so confused because I don’t understand why he has to be mean or cold when I want some more affection or comfort from him. Sometimes I tell myself that I shouldn’t take it too personal because he is going through a tough time therefore he might act moody at times but still, I am just too confused. I don’t know what to do. He says he enjoys my company and wants me by his side so that I can comfort him but at times, he just gets easily annoyed, acts mean and says that he wants to be alone. I just don’t know what to do :/”
He is mean and cold to you because he sees your neediness and depression as a sign of weakness…Virgos like strong minded people who usually put them in line and you, in his mind, come off as very weak….trust me, if you date a Virgo, you definitely do not want to show your vulnerable side to them too often if even at all….because that is when they enact what they believe is tough love but I think otherwise…I always suggest against Pisces-Virgo relationships because they are opposites….him breaking up with you was just a moment action…trust me, my ex Virgo was VERY similar to what you describe…I have dated several of them and though I know them now enough to know how to handle them and keep them on their toes, it just not worth the time and energy….in order to get him back to where he is not mean and cold, you have to become that…mean and cold and/or ignore him…get your life back…you are a strong Piscean woman…be that….stop honing in to your victim tendencies which all Pisceans have…and he will be all over you..the more you are distant and cold to him, the more intrigued he will be…TRUST ME…they like a challenge, they like someone who will tell them off in a second if they get out of line…they do not respect people who they can talk smack to and get away with it because they will walk over you if you dont set boundaries….join a gym if you feel you need to lose some wait, seek a shrink if you need to deal with your issues…dont lay that on your BF, handle your issues on your own…and dont tell him about what you are doing…just do it….go out and start a mentally and physically healthy lifestyle…get your groove back and he will be all over you..the trick is that once you become that person again, that you were five years ago, you have to keep him guessing…that is how you maintain control over a Virgo man….many men at that….stop feeding him all of your problems, issues and life struggles….deal with them on your own…develop an inner strength where you do not need him to get through life and he will be infatuated…believe me…the first time I dated a Virgo, I didnt know this but I learned and it felt great when I turned the tables….but you have to commit to it and not fall prey to the tricks that he will play along the way to “figure out” what is going on…he will become suspicious once you start working out, looking more upbeat and not leaning on him….do not tell him why…just do what your doing because this is more about healing yourself…not him
@Pisces Queen
I know what you mean because when I look back at the times when he was much more attentive, I didn’t pay too much attention to him because I wasn’t really into him. But now that I really am into him, he acts distant a lot of the time. And then, when he broke up with me, it took me like 3 months to finally tell him, “You know what, I love you, I really do and it sucks that we’ve had to break up but at this point, I want to move on. I just want to progress and move on.” And I stopped calling him, contacting him, speaking to him all sweet and stuff and he was right back where I always wanted to him to be. I saw it as pathetic and it made me mad that he was doing that now instead of when I actually needed his affection. And then, the Taurus in me came out and lashed out at him because I was angry at him for breaking up with me, being a jerk, and then freaking go out of his way to take me back. But I eventually took him back.
Earlier in the relationship, I used to put him in line more often and make him realize that the way he was acting was wrong or the way he handled it wasn’t the best way but I felt like I was being mean and that he didn’t deserve that since he used to be so sweet to me. Then I stopped, gave him “more space” and I created a monster. Sometimes I feel like taking out the fierce Taurus in me and really tell him off but it doesn’t seem to help anymore since he’ll just shut me off one way or another, usually he’ll either hang up on me, or say that I’m acting all dumb and dramatic and ignore me and it just makes me even more mad. Point is, lately, I haven’t really been like that anymore or I haven’t been so opiniated anymore because I’m trying to be more understanding of what he’s going through.
Thank you for replying though
I really did like your advice, it gave me that extra motivation I needed to do the stuff that I had been wanting to do. For example, for a while now, I had been wanting to work on myself, get mentally stronger and healthier, work out and lose weight, and just simply do stuff for myself but I always put it off because I lacked the self-motivation to do so (which really sucks because I’ve never really lacked self-motivation in the past).
It sucks that he has to act this way, like, why can’t he just be constant? And not be hot and cold…ugh. He’s a great guy though, he tells his friends and myself that we were meant to be, he tells me I’m amazing, smart, and beautiful, he spoils me at times…he’s like another mother sometimes, he genuinely cares and loves me but I just really hate his way of expressing it! He expresses it through practical methods but dang, sometimes I just REALLY want a passionate way of expressing to me that he loves me. He’s even told me many times that he just doesn’t really show affection or emotion because that’s the way he is but I guess I’m too stuborn to accept it.
@Lilly:
That is just it…Virgos are practical…they only know how to “help” you through times by “doing” something but not necessarily appealing to your emotions…this is actually good in a sense for you…because as a Piscean…we can overboard at times with the “woe is me” syndrome and need a nice kick back to reality every now and then…unfortunately Virgos do not know how to do that nicely…but the effect is the same…the problem is that their cold method makes pisceans eventually resent them for itand take it personally so that when we do get back to our usual strong selves…we end up kicking them to the curb….the only way to be in a successful relationship with a Virgo man as a Pisces woman is to be independent, strong and have the courage of your own conviction…stop being needy…even if it means you have to be mean to him every now and then…the truth is…Virgos get turned on when their mates put them in check so he will secretly admire and respect you for it plus he will feel that you really love him if he was able to get you that angry…sick in my opinion but thats how many of them work….they are attracted to strong independent women who dont put up with their noonsense…otherwise he will walk all over you whenever he is in the mood to do so and it will gradually get worse over the years…handle it now
@Pisces Queen
Wait, I’m not a Pisces though, I’m a proud Taurus lol But I do have a Pisces streak in me.
I think that’s why I’ve been with him so long because I can be very patient (Tauruses are supposed to be patient) and because I love him, of course.
And yeah I definitely know what you mean because I had seen the trend several times, I just didn’t do so much about it since I was at school and away from him. But now it’s summer, school’s over and I’m back home with him (I’m at my parents’ and he’s at his parents’) so this started really bugging me again since now there’s no real excuse to not see each other as much since we’re both living like 2 miles away now, instead of 80 miles away…and yet he still doesn’t want to hang out as much :/ But perhaps he doesn’t want to go out as much since he’s down because his dad just passed away unexpectadly so he’s still grieving. I don’t know, he’s just hard to understand at times and I hate it when he’s cold…I guess it’s time for me to toughen up some more and limit contact with him.
He’s early 20s and his dad just died? Oh wow… yeah, he’s just not dealing with his anger in the way you’d like to see it. That’s absolutely devastating at any age
Yeah I kinda figured that a huge reason why he may be acting so cold at the moment is because he is grieving. I was given advice from a close friend of mine who also lost her father several years ago and she told me that right now it is a tough time for him and that I have to be as selfless and supportive as I can in order to be there for him. One key thing that she told me which really helped was that I shouldn’t take his coldness too personal because that’s how he’s responding to the situation and that I should just let him know that I’m here for him but that I should just leave him alone and he’ll come around whenever he needs me. And I think this part kinda ties in with what Pisces Queen has told me that as long as I give him space, be strong, and stay away from him for a while, he’ll come back to me.
Other than his father passing away, he has still acted cold and distant in the past which has hurt me which is what Pisces Queen and I have been talking about. But the fact that he’s grieving, it just kinda makes things different and I don’t know what to do or how to react to his actions…I just know that I get hurt :/
@Lilly:
I’m sorry…forgot you said Taurus sunwith Pisces placements….your Taurean and Pisces placements means you have some serious longevity in a relationship even when you no longer should…..if you really want to remain with him, my advice is to do everything I said without the coldness….just wrap yourself up in doing the things you need to do with you while he takes space to grieve….he will come around when he is ready and you will have transformed or evolved, rather, into that woman you have been yearning to become…trust me…and that will make him want you even more….the key is, after he returns after his grieving period…when he gets all nice because you are looking great, doing things on your own with no self-pity and not needing him for anything….you take the niceness on the chin but do not return it to him in the same amount…just continue to do as you had been doing while he was gone and do not resort to going back to that…this will keep things on an even keel..again, you have to remain independent in order for your relationship to work, otherwise you will keep revisitng the same situation
Virgo man feels for me or never feel for me? He told me I should go and find a man whom I should care for, he text me when he sick, sometimes I text he never reply, when I keep quiet he then initiaites!
@Pisces Queen
I’ve definitely taken your advice. I’ve started hanging out more with a few of my close girl friends and been planning to do more stuff with them and it’s helped to make me feel better
And I’ve been thinking about what you said, “your Taurean and Pisces placements means you have some serious longevity in a relationship even when you no longer should”. A while back I had been contemplating about whether this is really true and whether I was just lying to myself or whether I was too blind to see that I should’ve left him. It’s just so confusing but for now, I’ve just stuck to the fact that I need to work on myself and I have started to and it just feels great
Quick update:
He broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. He told me that he doesn’t want a relationship right now because he just doesn’t want to deal with one on top of dealing with the loss of his father. He also said that he doesn’t want me to have to put up with his hostility and feels that he is holding me back from progressing and moving on with my life. He said he still loves me but that he just doesn’t want a relationship.
I saw him today, I visited him at his home and he is pretty depressed :/ We spoke little, I only hugged him once because I felt like comforting him since he started crying for a while. He just looks sad and doesn’t open up to me anymore, at least not so much as he used to. He also doesn’t really want my comfort, for example, I would ask if I could hold him and sit close to him and he’d say no. I don’t really know how to process this. Yeah I got hurt at first but then I kinda got over it because I said to myself, “Well, he’s depressed, he’s not himself and I can only imagine that he’s going through a tough time”
I’m just really confused about our future though, if there even is a future for us as a couple.
Also, I was wondering if one of the reasons why I get hurt so much is because of my Aries in Venus. I mean, I do crave attention from the ones I love the most, especially from him and if I don’t get the affection and I attention I want, I get hurt. Am I being, in a way, selfish for wanting more attention from him? I figured that I am but idk, I’m just so confused, never been so confused in my life! haha
Lily:
I am so happy to hear that you have been getting back to your old self…I have been there and its one of the best feelings…
The key about relationships is being able to understand your mate outside of how his actions make you feel…Virgos, when hurt or depressed, do not necessarily take to physical displays of emotion…they become cold and aloof..you have to remember that not everyone processes loss and depression in the same way…and not take his reactions personally…at that time, its all he knows how to be…your Venus in Aries would make you more impulsive if anything…perhaps you want him to get over his loss faster than he is so that you two can get back to how things used to be…the truth is…it may take him longer than you like…and as long as continue to be around him and comfort him, though sincerely, you make it harder for him to move on and deal with issues without having to deal with you…meaning…even though he knows you are trying to help he cannot both focus on not hurting your feelings and dealing with his grief…Virgos reaction to moodiness and depression is to lash it out somewhere on someone else..usually a loved one…and so I suggest you stay out of his radar and give him time to himself…your Pisces placements is what makes you feel hurt when your displays of affection are rejected…and for Virgo, such displays can be seen as weakness…the best way to help him is in practical ways…not emotional ways…similar to how he would try to help you if the situation was reversed. Like, make errands for him that he usually makes, or cook for him if he isnt eating or do his laundry if he hasnt taken the time to do it…this is how he would show you he cares if you were dealing with a loss so you would have to show your affection and care in that manner.
@Pisces Queen
Thank you for your input, it always helps to put things in better perspective
“Your Venus in Aries would make you more impulsive if anything…perhaps you want him to get over his loss faster than he is so that you two can get back to how things used to be” That just makes me feel bad :/ But I can definitely see that in myself, now that you’ve pointed it out, and I’ve felt what you described, that’s why I feel bad because it’s true and I know if I was in his position, (which I kinda have been, but not as intense, when I was mentally unhealthy with the panic disorder and mild depression) he would give me all the time and space I’d need in order to get better, and he’d be gentle and caring about it too.
In the past couple of days, I’ve tried my best to give him more alone space and when I do call him, I keep it short and simply check up on how he’s doing, I also try to be as supportive as I can while simply being a friend, for example, I try to not smother him with affection or attention. Today was the first day I visited him since I last saw him, which was last Monday, and I feel proud of myself for not acting needy or emotional or crying in front of him. I did cry a short bit when I got hurt but I did it while I was somewhere where he wouldn’t see me and I’d get back to him once I put myself back together. For the most part, we just sat and talked a bit or we just sat quiet and I gave him the space he needed.
I’m planning on being there for him, limiting much contact with him so that I can give him alone time, and simply being a good friend.
Ignoring, a classic sign of lack of interest. True enough if Virgos lack the interest of something, they wouldn’t bother looking at it anymore. If this happens to your partner, be warned.
We had a silly argument and I said sorry the next day for snapping and swearing at him but he says he don’t want to know and we’re over. We live together and it’s been a tense atmosphere for a couple days. Now he says he might just move aboard as his had enough with work and everything. But his slowly starting to speak more like we’re just friends. I’m going through a low phase with loosing job etc and he seems like he cares for me. Do you think it’s really over or he just had a sulk reaction and doesn’t mean it but just wanted to hurt me. Help please.
He is Venus in Cancer
I am Venus in Leo
so last night I asked what was going on with us and he said we’re not together anymore, said our relationship is always going round in circles. I told him it was just stress and teething problems to us moving in together but he said no its more then that. I told him I love him and he said he loves me too but his not in love with me at the moment. I said I can’t imagine being without him to which he said nothing.
he said that when I make him angry he feels like he wants to ignore me and his not normally like that.
his told his parents we’re over but not his friends. I’m just finding it all strange. his talking to me like we’re friends and being normal. he asks what i’m doing today and i asked if he had plans for the weekend and i said i had got the message from his mate about all going out saturday and that i hadn’t replied as i didn’t think he’d want me going to which he said i won’t shut you out of group things while you’re here. I just said thanks.
Please can someone help me, does he really want us to end or will he come running back if i’m strong??? I find he weird that his being fine and not shutting me off.
i always thought Virgos shut people off and move on quick. yet if i text him to just ask a question, his replying pretty quick. like i asked him if he was in for dinner so i could get bits out before i go out. he replied ‘ummmmm not sure really what i’m doing, don’t worry about me tho i will fend for myself when i get back miss, u going somewhere nice?’ so his interested in where i’m going.
we still live together so i need help on how to be around him. he’s acting like his fine and just chatting like normal.
@brie
I think we dated the same dude lol!!