Do Scorpios get over their exes?

Exes often have a place in our hearts. We may love them forever, but know that there’s no chance in hell a reunion would work. Or we may pine for them until eternity, wishing we had done things differently, or that we hadn’t met them when we were so young.

And those are the good ones! The rest, we just file under “Well, that was a waste of my time!”

The zodiacal diversity (or perversity) in our approaches towards attachment and separation suggests that not everyone will process endings in the same way. Case in point, Scorpio. This sign can go to two different extremes: never letting go, or burning an ex’s memory to the ground. All fixed signs (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius), in fact, are resistant to change, but Scorpio — being an intensely emotional water sign — conjures up the image of prying a beloved object from one’s cold, dead hands. The Scorpion loves so deeply that it’s hard to excise an ex from its heart.

But that’s exactly what’s needed. Scorpio is ruled by Pluto, planet of resurrection and regeneration. The phoenix rising from the ashes is one of Scorpio’s iconic images, for to be reborn, one must die. In the context of letting go and moving on, this sign relishes ex-arson like no other. (No, I don’t mean setting one’s old lover on fire!) The incineration of the attachment of Scorpio to their ex must be complete. This process requires that all vestiges of the ex — photos, memorabilia, neural impressions — be excavated and then thrown on a bonfire fueled by Scorpio’s obsessive insistence on removing all traces of evidence at the scene of the crime.

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About Jeffrey Kishner

Jeffrey Kishner is founder and publisher of Sasstrology. He is a licensed mental health counselor and has been doing astrological counseling since 2001. Jeffrey has been published in print magazines including The Mountain Astrologer and Dell Horoscope, and has written online for sites including AOL, Tarot.com and StarIQ. Jeffrey has also been heavily involved in the astrology blogger community. Read his personal blog at JeffreyKishner.com.

Comments

  1. @ alise

    I’m probably not in a great position to give you advice but here goes anyway. I don’t think you necessarily have to “give up all hope”, you just need to rationally recognize the odds you are going up against, to keep that hope realistic and in perspective.

    Forge ahead with a simple, workable, cryptic response (or none-response, if more appropriate) when he tries to call or text. Do not let him talk, or text you into anything. That just fuels the drama, but doesn’t really get you anywhere.

    It sounds like he’s using guilt to try to keep you “performing”. Make up your mind that you need to protect yourself and get some away-time from calls to get some emotional relief. If he can’t grant you that then he doesn’t have any clue, or regard for what you’re feeling, not a good sign in itself.

    Being firm about this will make you feel better about yourself and will let him know that the contact might help him keep his world together but it’s making things very tough for you. During the course of this approach it will be normal to struggle and doubt yourself, so be prepared for that.

    Hope things get better for you…

  2. @sag24/7

    you have a good point. i DONT knoe whats going on in the relationship so i have no right to think im better for him. i just need to accept whats real & move on. its better said than done tho. & im a cancer

  3. @Ms1974

    your right as well. i shouldnt even try messsing up something tht could possibly be best for him and his future. im just being selfish and thinking about myself right now not really considering his or her feelings about their current situation. i guess it takes someone else to make u realize you need to move on. thanks (:

  4. @ alise

    The main thing is you have to try to do something different. Stay strong as you can while you let him get used to the reality that you can’t give him that part of yourself anymore. He’ll need his own adjustment period for the changes. Call it a cooling off period or whatever.

    Do the best you can. I’m pulling for you on this. My own disengagement is still a work in progress and it helps to know it’s not a unique struggle. Try selfless love for everyone involved, but keep in mind the notion that you need to limit your exposure to elements in your life that confound your spirit.

  5. @alise, its not a cancer thing….its a person who likes someone else thing…im a sag and i went through the same thing 2x…and guess who i am with? myself…

  6. @kurt:

    thanks so much for the advice. its also nice to knoe im not alone in the way im feeling. & your right i do need to limit my exposure to certain things that bring me down, including him. i’ll keep you in my prayers, asking that u do the same.

  7. @sag24/7:

    i dont think its a cancer thing i was just saying i was a cancer lol but its ok to be alone because its that much more special when you find someone later on.

  8. “its ok to be alone, because it’s that much more special when you find someone later on.” Amen Sister. I always say, it CAN be good now – but definitely greater later. lol

  9. @ alise

    Thanks for your kindness (and prayers).
    Let us know how you’re doing from time to time.
    Don’t be too hard on yourself if you screw up here or there.
    You’ll get better at it as you go along!

  10. @kurt:

    & thanks for listening and giving me some great advice. & i will let you know how ive progessed (:

  11. Why the Hell am I feeling my scorpio friend ! so much at the moment ! Amanda you already know the storie…. lve accepted! moved forward but my stomach is churning… and im getting this strong pull from the scorpio why betrayed me ,and the need is to call her! Last time i had this a week or two ago it was for my friend a previous client , I had not contacted him for 5 years , and when i did finally as my mind told me to he revealed to me he is now a transender! his had major surgery to his face …

    I saw him the other nite with his wife ,it was weird he now looks like a woman nose , eyes hairline chin , its all changed, could not get me head around it…. and even his name is now a woman s name,.being a cancerian im very loyal stand by all who love or hurt me , as i know god forgives all! i believe it makes you grow much bigger and taller …. and free’s your heart and soul . as i know many who never move on happily because they leave behind so many unfinished stories…it comes full circle anyway all life is a revolving experience meeting the same folk over and over in different worlds! like a re-carnation!!

    But this scorpio girl friend is grating on me inside , I feel like maybe it’s me in my head ,but its not like that
    I wake up feeling a wave of something like lust but kinda different… its like she maybe is thinking of me. don’t know has anyone experienced this and what do I do ? i don’t want to call her, 1 . because i want to forget the pain she inflected upon me , and too , because she is probably happy .. with this girl she ran away from me with! I don’t want to be laughed at anymore…. or for her to think or know i miss her!!

  12. Scorp ex tells me firmly that we are over forever and that he’d never want to be with me again…but yet he keeps picking up my calls and return my text…it drives me insane…because it gives me false hope.
    Whilst he is moving on, kissing other woman…I’m still hoping that he wouldn’t get over me because I was his first gf…

    I really want to know if scorpio do get over their exes (esp first ex gf) Is there a chance we could make it work again (after all the drama we went through, he was young when we started dating, and when we broke up, he accused me of cheating. We constantly argued because I felt strangled with his possessiveness and jealousy behaviour)

    Even though we’ve been apart for one year now..I’m still constantly feeling regret…wishing that things could go back to the way it was…and hoping that he’d never forget or get over me because I can’t stop loving him…

  13. I depends on how the relationhship ended and what it was like. I have not gotten over my ex from 20 years ago and we are both married (other people). Scorpios love really hard and it is usually just one person who catches us and we can’t get set free.

  14. I second that and I thoroughly agree.!!!

    Human Beings are NOT interchangeable that’s for SURE.!!!

    That SPECIAL Someone comes along once in a Lifetime and you carry them
    in your Mind, Heart and Soul for always and beyond.!!!

    Cheers and keep Smiling. Taurus.

  15. JLO1965 says:

    I knew sooner or later this ex would rear it’s ugly ( unfortunatly she is very hot) head into our lives. First let’s start with I’m a Pisces he’s a Scorpio. We have been together 2 years. He is 42 I’m 46. He’s never been married. This is my 3rd marriage. Early in the relationship he told me about a woman who shaped him. She is an Aries. When he was 16 she was 14. She stalked him and sent her friends to tell him she liked him when would he ask her out. He was very shy and allof at first. he finally asked her out. Lost his virginity to her. She got board of him fast. Would pick fights ect. War is for other men not his girlfriend. Well one day she invited him over to a party. In front of a huge group of people she broke up with him and stated he was imature. I don’t want to get into more specifics because my husband never told anyone this story before. For years he would date woman but never allow himself to get close, cuddle ect. When he was about 32 he got a letter from her out of the blue. She had been married and divorced. She wanted to look up her old boyfriends. So they wrote back and forth a few times. As soon as he opned up his heart she vanished again. He said that out many things to rest for him in his mind. This relationship was never meant to be. he blamed himself, what could I have done better for her to have stayed. I was touched that he trusted his heart with me. Our relationship was super sonic. He met me and said he just knew I was the one he’s been waiting for. I was scared to death. Marriage by design did not work for me in the past. I really had no choice it was like king kong was after me. Well about a week ago an old male friend from high school added my husband to Facebook. My husbands first girldfriend is a friend of this man also. As soon as he say this my husband blocked them both. I can’t explain it but I feel all my husbands emotions. He was in pain over this. I did not know what to do to help him. I let it be for a few days. I could tell that it bothered him. I gently said I don’t think you have the closure you think you have other this woman. He said i was wrong. That he loved me more than life itself. I said what if she came to you and said I’ve changed I know you’re the one. He said even if he was crazy enought to leave me to believe her she would dump him in two days because she got bored. Me being a Pisces needed to hear again. I do not love her I love you. His hesitation scared the crap out of me. I’ve not mentioned it again. It’s something he needs to bury. I’ve researched her and I found out she is a bi-sexual more lesbian swinger on her Myspace page. She has a lot of things posted that I know for a fact are not compatable with the man I love and he would not tolorate it. I just want all his love. i don’t want to show him these things about her because it will hurt him deeply. I just want him to bury her in his mind. Why can’t he just let her go. She is not a good decent woman. And looks are fading. I think if he knew her love of woman it would explain many things and settle a lot in his mind. I just don’t want to be the one to tell him this. I know he loves me more than anything. I just want it all. I want the part of him that loves her. I want all of him. Is that too much to ask? I don’t carry any torch for anyone in my past. I block any attempt by them to invade my life with my husband. My husband has said he has never known a woman every to love so deeply and take care of his heart so. I know he would never do anything to harm us. Not getting this tramp out of his mind from 28 or whatever years ago is insanity to me. On top of that he thought he was her first. She posted a quiz saying she lost her virginity when she was 12. They were together when she was 14 and he was 16. This is all so silly to me. Yet it was my husbands precious heart harmed by this.

  16. Aries are very DANGEROUS and once you fall in love with them they never leave you
    emotionally even if they leave you phyisically. They continue to govern your mind, heart
    and soul because they are sooooo UNIQUE and they do always come FIRST.!!!

    Anyway make the best of what youv’e got and let sleeping dogs lie for they belong in
    the past. Unless of course they wake up and start barking again which then poses a
    problem which needs to be dealt with.???

    Cheers and keep Smiling. Taurus.

  17. JLO1965 says:

    I will Taurus, but if she disrespects my marriage, it will not be pretty. My husband knows true love and what it really is now. I think the closure had more with he blamed himself for years, that there was something he did wrong. He really is the perfect love. He’s so generous, I feel he thought what is wrong with me. I give my love so freely yet it’s not enough, it’s not wanted. She has no clue what she lost because a woman like that lives inside their brain not their heart. I’m just very sensitive to my husbands emotions. It’s like we are a mirror. Yet it’s not clear to him, he can’t see what I see when it comes to this woman. She really is something else. I love that my husbands feelings run so deep. It’s why I love him so much.

  18. Hi JLO,

    I know where you are coming from and if you intend to get this very SELFISH and imature Woman
    out of your husbands lingering thoughts the only way is to exorcice her is as though she doesn’t exist.
    She cannot do anything unless you permit her to by allowing her to interfere with your marriage and
    by making her presense known.

    You are his wife and his top priority now not her and all the garbage she put him through even though
    he still may not be able to get over it because he is still hung up on something which was based on
    infectuation on his part and nothing real or concrete since she treated him so bad. Men have a real
    problem where rejection affects their EGO to such an extent they are unable to let go of the one that
    got away.

    It takes time but you need to be firm and stand your ground by not allowing this ghost to get between
    you for you have something very real and of value with your husband whom needs to release himself
    from the past and focus on the present and the future with a Woman whom trully loves him and values
    him for himself. You are a strong and wise lady with a good heart but you shouldn’t have to be haunted
    by his past which needs to placed at rest.

    My best wishes and thoughts are with you lovely Lady. Taurus.

  19. JLO1965 says:

    Thanks Taurus, It’s hard when I’m so attuned to my husbands emotions. I will continue to provide him space and love and a gentle safe haven for his heart. I think him blocking access made a huge statement, but with woman like this who knows !

  20. Hi JLO,

    You do whatever is in your power to keep her from re-entering into his orbit which you
    now dominate and she envies no doubt because you have something she doesn’t and
    knowing her caliber she may very well try to move in but you are above her and you can
    keep your husband by your side by being yourself and loving him which I hope he values
    and appreciates.

    Her problem is he has moved on and she cannot handle it but that’s tough and she will
    just have to learn to live with it whether she likes it or not. He is your husband now and
    she is out in the cold so make sure she stays there where she belongs.!!!

    Cheers and keep Smiling. Taurus.

  21. @JLO1965

    Your husband’s struggle with an ex Aries is so similar to mine (Scorpio) I just had to comment. This is what I’m guessing he’s feeling. He has figured out that this she is incapable of a healthy, mature relationship. All she really needs (although she would deny it) is reassurance that she has the power in a relationship. Once she has established, or re-established, this she bets “bored” and moves on to her next, new or former conquest.

    Imagine an emotional vampire, it’s her life source to surround herself with victims she can control and access when needed. Bright guy that your husband is, he has figured it out. It is sad really, and that is probably the over-riding emotion your husband feels for her. I’m sure he still cares about her as a person and former love interest, wishing for her sake, that she had a healthier relationship orientation.

    To Karissa15’s point, your husband KNOWS this Aries is dangerous (from experience) and he has made an important statement in blocking her. He recognizes the danger and the futility of future contact with her. He has grown tired of being put on the shelf by this woman and only taken down to be drawn on and toyed with (when she’s doubting her desirability). Believe me, the pattern gets old, and I applaud your husband for shutting her down.

    For your part, never take this man for granted. Realize that even as long as you’ve been together, you can never stop discovering all the layers that make up another individual. He sounds like he’s yours, just don’t give off the energy that you think you “know” him and have stopped trying to recognize the et uncovered mystery that is each one of us.

    The other thing is, don’t hound him about this matter. The Aries is really her own worst enemy, he’s decided “never again” so let him do it his way, and trust in what you two have together. A woman who is comfortable in her own skin and confident in her “wholeness” is incredibly sexy and desirable in my book. Be that!!!

  22. From an Aries point of view…I agree with a lot of what has been said here. This girl needs to be shown that you all are an impentrable wall. I Promise she will eventually get bored and leave.

    In my mispent youth, I had a slightly stalkery period and everytime the guy said anything bad about his gf it only egged me on. Aries can be pretty good at spotting weakness when they want something…so y’all need to stay strong.
    THAT SAID…your husband needs to excise her from his life…if he quits responding it’ll help. Just ignore her and she will eventually get bored and move on. If for any reason he does HAVE to talk to her, he needs to talk about how great you are…and how lucky he is to have such a wonderful girl…!

    There is one other idea that I always think might work…but most women NEVER want to go this route. Aries are generally pretty protective of their friends….has it occured to you to try to make friends with this girl… it sounds like she might be kind of lonely…! The other thing is…while I’d probably never go after a guy who had a significant other…I’d DEFINETLY never go after my friend’s SO. Maybe you could introduce her to someone…just a thought!

    Best of luck to you.

    AG

  23. JLO1965 says:

    Thank you for all your wonderful messages. I would up this morning. He left a note. He must of been sensing my despair. He said that He loves me with ever fiber of his being.That he only has eyes for me. To be patient with him.That he needs my love and gfentle care right now. Trust me I know my husband is constantly evolving and changing . That is what makes this relationship much different then any in my life. It was hard at first I’ve never had anyone share emotionally things with me like he has. It was very scary for him to do so. He fell for me fast. I still was in that you’re a nice guy stage when he was planning our future. He would say things to me you better never leave me after we had a wonderful moment. I knew he had been hurt by a girl, it took time for him to tell me but he did. He said I want us to be different. I want to share everything with you. It will take time. I made the mistake and said if you loved this woman I wont stand in your way and he got so mad. He said why are you not protecting this marriage. He’s right. He said I allowed to other marriages to fail. Both my other partners were in the military and gone much of the time. They ended up cheating and falling in love with other woman. They failed, not me. I was not going to fight for that. I simply said If you love someone else we have no marriage to protect. I wont ever say anything like that again. I’m a woman that wont fight to keep a man who does not love me. My husband loves me profoundly. He loves me so if this woman tries to invade our marriage she will have a fight on her hands. My husband likes things neat and tidy. If something did not work he looks inward at himself to see what he could of done better. I think that’s were he is having the issue. Soimetimes life is not black and white they way he thinks. Sometimes people are cruel just to be cruel. I just hope the blocking makes a big enough statement to this woman. She had no come at him directly. It was a matter of time though if he was linked to a former mutal friend. It’s sad that he had to loose an old friend. He said look the guy has not bothered to contact me in over two decades. It’s no loss.

  24. JLO1965 says:

    As friends with this person. I choose my friend by the content of their character Aries girl. She does not measure up. She is really wild into the sex scene. Lives no where near us. She is not someone who’s company I would enjoy. I trust my husband. I will let him work it out on his own. Just be there for him. My husband is gorgeous, when I met his family they were like wow we never thought he would marry. I asked him once. Why me? Out of all these woman he could of had how did you know I was the one ? He said I came to him purley with my heart in my hands not what was between my legs. He said he knew I was different from the start. At first he was like is this a trick I’ve not seen before. Also this is crazy but I also did not make love to him until after we were married. I’m not a prude. I just don’t like casual sex. We met in June of 2008 he asked me to marry him Aug of 2008. I did not want to get married, but we spent every moment together. By March of 2009 I agreed and we got married.

  25. Please advice needed!!!!

    I’ve been dating a Scorpio for almost about a year now, we were best friends a year before that and I am a Cancer woman.

    I made the mistake of dating him while things were still in the air with his ex…. but its too late now I love him.

    He claims he is over his ex ( of 4 years) but she will always have a special place in his heart – (reasonable)

    In the beginning I gave him 100% trust and allowed him to have closure with his ex and found sweet texts from both of them when I became curious. and when she was out of the picture we are perfect but as soon as she gets jealous or controlling I stumble upon her trying to enter the picture.

    I made him block her through phone and internet I am still nervous he is talking to her via email. Our biggest arguments have been over the contact with her and my nosey-ness and going through his stuff and finding communication between the two. But if I never snooped I would have NEVER known they contacted.

    I find constant reminiscing of memories between both of them – and plenty of arguing.

    He claims he hasn’t talked to her since he blocked her but… I think otherwise — I don’t know how to get him to tell me the truth or find out the truth for myself. He has lied in the past and I’ve caught him and recently when I accuse him of communication with her I am wrong. I have no idea how to know if I’m stupid for trusting him or stupid for not believing he can change.

    They had their moment of closure and then a week later he piled all of her stuff he had (clothes, letters, flowers…everything) and burned it. – he is just so confusing!!!

    MY MAIN QUESTION – Should I just be normal fun, exciting, overly loving me and pretend like all this isnt on my mind?
    – or question him or make him prove he has done like he promised and stopped talking to her?

    I feel like the more I bring it up the more she will be on his mind too…

  26. @ Susan O\’hare :
    I don’t have the best answer for you…but, I do think that you being caught snooping through his stuff and bringing it up will make you look bad in his eyes if you do it too many times. He may end up dropping you because of that…and that in turn may push him back to her.
    I feel for ya, I really do. I would totally hate that ,but I don’t think you can really stop it. Maybe if you point out how needy she is…or maybe trying to control him…..I don’t know. You could threaten to walk but that may back fire….

  27. As a fixed signs, it is known that Scorpios have a hard time moving on because these being are indeed hesitant to change. It may take some time before A Scorpio forgets his exes, but eventually he’ll get there.

  28. I’m a Scorpio woman and get over my exes rather quickly moving onto the next person. We can and often do maintain a friendship with our exes, but it’s just that only, a friendship, even though they may be hoping for more, but we aren’t, especially if we’re in a new relationship. We are very loyal in that aspect, until you piss us off.

    @ Susan, wrong thing to do is snoop through his things. That’s like a big no no. So you may have pushed him closer back to her by doing that. It would piss me off especially if we aren’t that close to one another yet and a guy would go snooping through my belongings to try and catch me doing something. That’s a big red flag in my book. Try and stop bringing her up to him too, it’s more than likely annoying him. Be confident and secure with him, the more insecurities you display the farther you push him away.

  29. NewlyWedLibraLady says:

    What you say about the spell might be true but what you are forgetting is that you also willed your man back, You are probably the kind of person that a man can’t get over. Look in the mirror Lady, I bet he dreamt about you every night, spells are great but so is the power of getting under a mans skin and in his heart.

  30. I always delete “love spell” comments.

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