I’m putting at least one of them through a lot of pain and for that I’m sorry bc I’m truly torn between them.

thanks jeff for putting this up, for your insight and for your wonderful site!

so now i’m just taking everything as it is, i’m leaving all the decisions to him (which i am SURE he enjoys being in control of) and all seems more positive now..maybe the planets are in the right places. hah!

he still does the whole i-dont-need-her-and-she-dont-need-me thing in front of his friends,
but when i told him that its upsetting (guilt tactic), he wouldn’t stop apologising! hahah!

May

It’s not about looks, either but about a kind of energy. So, see, it’s useless for you to try to hide it with ugly clothing or bad haircuts or mannish gestures. You just exude it and you probably always will until you’re very very old. The thing is not to use it as a tool but to enjoy it for its own sake. Really, you have a choice and you can control your actions. You really can. So stop twisting yourself into a pretzel to put others at ease. It’s your gift and all gifts are complicated. A great violinist is going to arouse envy, for instance. Should he play badly on purpose so that others don’t have to face their fears of mediocrity?

You and your Scorpio are both very young still and you haven’t learned how to use your powers without hurting others. He is behaving very badly, too, btw, what with finding stuff out about other men, etc. Obviously there was some deep deep hurt in your Scorpio’s life for him to attempt to cut himself off from love. The thing you do is that you respect where he’s at. Respect that you can’t be together right now, even if the reason seems flimsy. And to me it does but to him, his band is everything. It’s his passion and it’s what he’s worked for, it’s what he knows he’s good at. When he says that he can’t be with you, he’s paying you a compliment. You are irreplaceable. “Don’t destroy this band,” is what he’s saying. It can a legitimate concern, too. Just look at Lennon, Yoko and the Beatles. (Although that’s not the only end result possible. It’s just an example.)

Listen, when I was younger, I was very impatient. I thought I was under the gun. I had to have everything RIGHT NOW and I would’ve behaved much like you are doing now. If I wanted someone, I wanted him right then and there. I did! In fact, I had a good good friend and we were both attracted to each other. He didn’t want to act on it bc he valued our friendship and he knew he wasn’t ready to be a good boyfriend to me. He wanted to sow his wild oats. And he was charming and GORGEOUS and it was his right to explore that. But I didn’t care. I brushed his fears aside and I seduced him. We lived together for a little while but we were both too young and it didn’t work in the end. I lost my friendship with him for many years and he was the only ex-bf whose memory I cherish. He really did love me. Here’s what I think: If I had respected his fears and just waited, perhaps years, even, we probably would be married right now. It sounds ridiculous but if I had waited six or seven years even, until he did what he had to do to find his ground, we would’ve ended up spending the last eight years together in a wonderful union. This is speculation but I think he would say the same thing bc he has often told me that he always thinks that we could’ve made it work if we hadn’t been so young.

Neither you nor your Scorpio really knows what the future holds, and if you respect where you are (and he has to respect you too), things might just work out on their own. It might take ten years but ten years is nothing if you end up together for a lifetime of genuine love.

Right now your Scorpio lives in a state of tremendous fear. And, btw, you’re pretty Scorpionic yourself so on some level, you understand.

It isn’t true that all Scorpios will stick to a decision no matter what. They live in fear bc they know a lot about the dark undertow of humanity. They can’t fool themselves into believing that people are wonderful, innocent beings if given a chance, like Pisceans. Pisceans can fool themselves into believing that the cannibal next door is just a guy who REALLY loves his barbecue. Scorpios are also geniuses of self-transformation. They can be criminals for ten years and then something happens, life comes crashing down around them and they transform themselves into saints. And it’s a genuine change, too. So you Scorpio can be one way for years and then change into someone completely differently in a few years time. Yes, they’re stubborn but Leos are fixed signs too and we’re just as stubborn. Let’s not kid ourselves. (I’m a Sun sign Leo.) What do YOU do when someone tries to control you or ram advice down your throat? If you’re a Leo the way that I am, you end up doing the opposite, just to show no one can boss you around. Let’s face it, then: we Leos are just as willful.

He’ll come around on his own, if he is meant to come around and if he’s not, then you will move on. Don’t try to control life.

On the other hand, don’t allow him to tell you who to see or what to do. Maybe say to him: I respect how much the band means to you and I respect that we can’t be together but you must respect my life as well and stop intruding or you will ruin our friendship and really ruin the band, as well.

(You have to really mean it that you’ll respect his feelings.) It is absolutely unacceptable for him to spy on you or about the men you’re seeing. If he confronts you, you must tell him: If you’re willing to find out the truth, then you have to live with it. Otherwise don’t find out.

(This goes for everyone.)

Just refuse to engage in a fight with him. And if you have to walk away, walk away.

I think Scorpios can be wonderful people. I used to hate them bc the only ones I met were just terrible. But then I noticed that I was attracting them right and left, no matter what I did. That’s when I realized that there is something Scorpionic about me and if I accepted it, I would attract the good Scorpios. And I did! A Scorpio who is living at his higher vibration is loyal AND protective; he is passionate; he is extremely sweet and gentle; he is incredibly wise and he can heal you. He can truly accept you for who you are bc he can see your shadow and love you regardless. He won’t fool himself into thinking you’re an angel in order to love you. So a good Scorpio is a wonderful person to have in your life. Oh, and they’re amazing in bed.

I have two Scorpios in my life right now. One is a lover and he is extremely promiscuous. I tried to get him to be exclusive with me but that didn’t work out and then I realized how much I missed him so I went back to him. I don’t know if his sleeping around is situational or if it an essential part of his nature. He was very honest about it, btw. But either way, it’s the way it is NOW and to be with him means that I have to let go of my jealousy. I mean, if I dive into a pool, I can’t complain about getting soaking wet. But I need to stop seeing him bc I don’t want to get an STD. And when I realized that this week, Marie, I cried! I cried that I won’t be able to enjoy his company bc he is the one man who can cheer me up when I’m sad. He is the one man who can accept my weirdness and goofiness and vibe off it. He just thoroughly enjoys it. So I will miss him a lot. Even if he couldn’t give me fidelity, he gave me a lot of tenderness and acceptance. Oh, and terrific, respectful, affectionate sex.

The other is a monk! Seriously. He consecrated himself to his calling and he hasn’t been sexual for years and years. Without him, I’d probably be dead, no exaggeration. And our friendship can only be platonic bc I understand his passion for his calling. It’s what he was put on this earth to do. I can’t destroy that although, believe me, I want to. I can’
t lie. I want to have it all come crashing down and it’s hard to restrain myself but I do bc I can’t destroy him and bc I can’t imagine my life without him. See? I’m a vamp! It’s not nice but it’s who I am and seeing myself clearly helps bc when I didn’t, I was just being seductive unconsciously which was ten times more chaotic.

And, girl, I’m in pain with both my Scorpios! They both cause me havoc but I can’t live any other way. I have to accept that life is much more exquisite and intense for me when it involves pain. And I cause them both pain on a regular basis too. I wish I didn’t but I do. One, bc he can’t destroy his life; the other bc I abandon him when his promiscuity frightens me. I abandon him when he needs me to show up. It’s awful but I have to look out for myself. Doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt for me to flake out on him.

Know your nature, accept it, use it for good. Accept the pain and you can transcend it. That’s the Scorpionic lesson to all of us.