How does the Virgo man deal with a breakup?

As a Pisces, I deal with grief and pain by drinking large quantities of alcohol and watching DVDs. (Just kidding on the first part!) Virgo, my opposite, scrubs his toilet when his heart breaks. Unlike Pisces — who seeks to escape suffering by transcending reality — Virgo hones in on the details, immersing himself in ritualistic behaviors. A thorough house-cleaning may help him purge the demons of longing. Or he may participate in a round of colonic hydrotherapy sessions to cleanse himself of embodied relationship toxins.

Virgo is ruled by intellectual Mercury. This analytic guy likes to improve upon anything that is not working efficiently. Even though the relationship is over, he will obsess over what he could have done better, picking apart the flaws in communication patterns, living arrangements and bookshelf categorization systems.

If there is a liability in Virgo’s coping mechanisms, it is that he will process the breakup mentally, yet not truly feel his grief. As a result, he may somatize his sadness, and end up consulting his holistic health practitioner to address problems that would not exist if he truly stayed with his emotions.

About Jeffrey Kishner

Jeffrey Kishner is founder and publisher of Sasstrology. He is a licensed mental health counselor and has been doing astrological counseling since 2001. Jeffrey has been published in print magazines including The Mountain Astrologer and Dell Horoscope, and has written online for sites including AOL, Tarot.com and StarIQ. Jeffrey has also been heavily involved in the astrology blogger community. Read his personal blog at JeffreyKishner.com.

Comments

  1. hi my name is Eri,i am Libra and so much in love with a Virgo,we dated for 5years,he used to love me ,bt in the past few months he started behaving strange,that was were I knew that hes seeing another lady.. although we used to have issues but we settled them before anyone notices,cos of the lady now he broke up with me,it 6 days already and after the breakup wev had sex,he told me that he wants to think about it,to know if he would still continue with me,i am deeply hurt,what should I do to win his heart back
    ?

  2. Hey Eri,

    I am a Gemini and my ex is a Virgo. He broke up with my four months ago and I still can’t get over him. For me I can say this is the hardest break up.

    We had our differences but we also complimented each other as well. My vibrant and adventurous attitude would bring out the child-like nature of his. And it’s very cute because he’s a very stern and serious man where work was his first priority. His organized and meticulous ways made me felt safe and loved. He didn’t sing me love songs but I felt the intensity of his love for me through everything he did.

    Obviously, our insecurities started chipping away at our relationship. And even then he still wanted to try and give us chances. Ultimately in the end he told me that there is no way we’d work out because of our differences. I was too childish and he was too logical.

    But anyways, four months later I’m still here. Subtly trying to infiltrate into his life again. It’s not easy. First thing you need to do is to really confirm if he left you “for another” or Could it be something else? Because if he’s left you for another then I think he’s clearly made up his mind (although it seems rare for Virgo men to jump ship). But if he’s left because of personality clashes or maybe things he’s mentioned to you but maybe you’ve been too careless to remember? If that’s the case you still might have a chance, assuming he still has feelings for you.

    Winning the Virgo man back won’t be easy at all. It takes a lot of perserverance, self-discipline, self-respect, and self-growth. The first thing you need to do is to stop having sex with this man. This let’s him know that you are serious about working on this relationship and you’re not a free pass (self-respect). Second is to let him know subtly either through social media or his friends/family that you’re changing or in the progress of changing (self-growth). Anything that becomes stagnant in your life or no indication of growth will quickly have him lose interest (personal experience). It’s important to feel confident about yourself, live a healthy lifestyle, let him know you can be an asset to his life and not a burden (self-discipline). Sudden outbursts of emotions or crying will not win his heart back. His brain is like a file cabinet, full of organized logical info and reasons as to why he broke up with you. So you need to be just as logical, make a case, back it up with some evidence, and let him be the judge. Lastly is perserverance. This is the keyword to winning your Virgo back. It’s really not easy. He likes consistency, he values loyalty and respect in all forms whether it’s how you treat yourself, how you treat people, or how you treat him. You need to prove to him that youre capable of being a friend that genuinely cares about his well-being and not solely just wanting to get back with him. And all while doing this you need to be subtle with your tactics. Any sort of aggression will set him off or withdrawing even further away. If he doesn’t respond to your initial text or call, just leave it alone for a few weeks.

    It’s really an uphill battle. But I really do hope this helps. People claim libras and geminis are “indecisive” and “inconsistent”. Honestly I feel like it’s only because we haven’t found the one worth being consistent and decisive for. I am so sure of my ex. I’m going to take the risk. So best of luck to you Eri!

  3. Libraoverit says:

    Actually, Virgos are rather flighty. You should be cautious putting all your eggs in one basket with them. They really don’t know what they want – they expect a lot from their mate(s) but do not give at the same caliber. Any mature, confident woman would have difficulty dealing with the immature nature of Virgo men. It’s like you have to change yourself to be what they want – why would you want to do that? Unless, you feel you need to change. Their attention span is short lived. They are always looking. And, will make it seem as though you did something wrong – when it’s actually them. If you have the patience and want to change who you are go for it. Otherwise, there are always men out there that you don’t have to walk on eggs shells with. They will love bomb you with their charm get you totally and loyaly interested and then confuse the hell out of you. All I can say is “stay woke”.

  4. Libraoverit says:

    Actually, Virgos are rather flighty. You should be cautious putting all your eggs in one basket with them. They really don’t know what they want – they expect a lot from their mate(s) but do not give at the same caliber. Any mature, confident woman would have difficulty dealing with the immature nature of Virgo men. It’s like you have to change yourself to be what they want – why would you want to do that? Unless, you feel you need to change. Their attention span is short lived. They are always looking. And, will make it seem as though you did something wrong – when it’s actually them. If you have the patience and want to change who you are go for it. Otherwise, there are always men out there that you don’t have to walk on eggs shells with. Virgos will love bomb you with their charm get you totally and loyaly interested and then confuse the hell out of you. All I can say is “stay woke”.

  5. Libraoverit says:

    Pisces – could not have said it better myself. They are a waste of time.

  6. LeoWithLove says:

    Libraoveri is so right! This is exactly how my relationship was.

    Even though he had a number of problems which I stuck through by his side he still managed to magnetize my flaws which were just a reflection of his behavior. The only thing you forgot to add was the fact that Virgo men are very selfish. He was so selfish to the point that when it was my birthday he lied to me. I woke up one day and had someone deliver flowers to me. I got a phone call from him and I thanked him for sending them – telling him I love is and all. Turns out he called me back and admitted that it wasn’t him who sent them. I later found out it was another person who sent them. He planned nothing special for my birthday, was stingy with his money, a poor lover in bed (2-minute man) and was exceptionally filthy when it came to bathroom maintenance yet he had no issues shaving and cleaning his clothing.

    It was always me, me, me, me and I assume this me, me, me came from his Aries moon sign; regardless,
    this article and what Libraoverit said reminds me of how much I would never waste my time and get back with a useless and pathetic partner who is self-centered and short-sighted. I forgot to mention this as well which I think is imperatively important, women usually motivate their man to be and do better in their life. After making an effort to encourage him to go back to school, because he was always complaining about not liking his job, he finally made the decision to go. Here is the sad part, we were talking about it and he said to me: it’s all because of my brother and family why I’ve decided to go back to school. He never once said thank you, baby, for encouraging me to better myself and build more with you NEVER – not once.

    I was always in the background unimportant while he always had something to nit pick about. There was never anything wrong with him. It was always me. No effort what so ever was made on his part to improve himself or his flaws until we broke up. Selfish… Just stay away from Virgo men trust me – not worth the babying and headache.

  7. DeeplyScorpio says:

    Some of these points I have to completely agree with. For example I was with my Virgo male for about 5 years. And the whole time we kept breaking up and getting back together. And he would usually be the one to contact me again. We had broken up so many times because he seemed disconnected and would never comfort me when I needed him. He seemed to just listen but not give any feedback. He was sometimes too afraid to show affection and too reserved like he was hiding his true self, and I found it hard to really believe him. I doubted the way he truly felt about me all the time because he would rarely ever express his love for me. So I always felt so unsatisfied with him. So I would tell him what Im feeling and he would magnetize his flaws and self criticize himself and never change them. I really liked him and Im sad that this time is the final time for us. He broke up with me 3 weeks ago. And its always been difficult to move on from him, but this time I received closure. He mentioned how he really loved me and wanted to be with me but he couldn’t. Because we lived and hour and thirty minutes away from each other. And hes also starting school full time, 12 units this semester and has to keep 2 jobs, He also just moved out for the first time with a group of his best friends. And he is 3 years younger than me. He also mentioned that he couldn’t give me the love I deserved and he said he was too toxic for me. Which he was not lying about that. WE had a lot of walls to get through but we just couldn’t get through all of these hurdles and I agreed with his decisions to break up for good. So this time I am going to move on from him because I just needed a lover who could make me feel wanted and special and he never could do that for me. So i deleted and blocked him on all social media. But the thing is we left on a good note which is super rare. Im happy that this time went well and I dont have to hold a grudge on him or hate him. It feels good to just want to say goodbye. I dont know what it is about Virgos but there is always someone who is in love with them but they are hard to keep if things arent perfect for them. IN a way they can be unrealistic with love because they have such high standards for their partners, but I know that they are very deeply emotional people capable of a lot of love. They just keep a lot of their feelings bottled up, and that was a huge issue with me too but at least I was able to address my feelings to him when I couldn’t handle it anymore. He just didnt know how to take that which frustrated me so much. they just need the right circumstances and they also need to be happy on their own and confident in who they are. But unfortunately that was not my Virgo, he needed to figure himself out and Im proud of him for actually trying to focus on himself. But I think I will always have a space in my heart for him. Sad but true.

  8. DeeplyScorpio says:

    He also had dad issues, his dad left his family and started a whole new family in a different city. HIs dad cheated on his mom and would never come around and ask how they were. He pretty much just left his mom and my exes 3 other brothers to start a whole new family. He pretty much ignored them for many years and my ex was the oldest of the siblings and he had to step up and be the father figure and be responsible and be there for his mom. But in many ways he never was able to express his feelings the right way. And he had many confidence issues because he had no father to help him.I felt bad for him but he never wanted to address that, I hope he truly wants to change himself this time. I want him to want a better life for himself.

  9. I could not agree with what your assessment more! Definitely didn’t know what he wanted & definitely got me interested & pulled the rug out. Whenever there was an argument he had such a defeatist view of relationships, it was like he would allow the smallest things to end it. No fight.

    I’m a Virgo too & we had so many things in common & to talk about but it would’ve been a life of chasing him. Pursuing him. & that’s not something my ego will quite allow at this point in my life. It was only 2 months & we were long distance. I think it would’ve been a great relationship but at the end of the day, I can’t be the “man” & the woman.

  10. DeeplyScorpio says:

    Courtney_
    So your a Virgo and you dated a Virgo? I could see why it would be an ideal relationship because of the common ideas about life. But I totally agree with you about their defeatist mentality. It bothered me so much when I would suggest a break or breaking up and he would just sit there in silence. Or agree with me. I felt like he would never put up a fight to keep me around and that really hurt. One time we were at a club and he and I were sitting on a couch. He had to go downstairs to get us some water and while he was gone, this guy came up to me and started talking to me. I of coarse was weary and was only trying to be nice, because obviously my boyfriend would be coming back any minute And I was not interested in anyone but my boyfriend at the time. When my boyfriend came back he started talking to the guy like normal. Being hella nice and friendly. And I could over hear the guy asking my boyfriend “Is she your girlfriend? You damn bastard.” He said it jokingly but I just felt like my boyfriend could have handled that situation better. Like hay dude thanks but you need to back off and leave my girlfriend alone. I mean it was a little bothersome for this guy to be trying to hit on me while my boyfriend was right there. He didn’t do shit and that made me feel like, wow he wont even protect his relationship with me. I started doubting him so much more after that. I dont know why but its not like Virgos try their hardest to avoid conflict but if an issue does a rise they take care of it. But with my boyfriend who is now my ex would be in that kind of situation he would totally back down like a little puppy It was a huge turn off. Because all a girl really wants deep down is to feel protected and safe and he could not do that for me.

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