How does the Virgo man deal with a breakup?
August 7, 2007 by Jeffrey Kishner
As a Pisces, I deal with grief and pain by drinking large quantities of alcohol and watching DVDs. (Just kidding on the first part!) Virgo, my opposite, scrubs his toilet when his heart breaks. Unlike Pisces — who seeks to escape suffering by transcending reality — Virgo hones in on the details, immersing himself in ritualistic behaviors. A thorough house-cleaning may help him purge the demons of longing. Or he may participate in a round of colonic hydrotherapy sessions to cleanse himself of embodied relationship toxins.
Virgo is ruled by intellectual Mercury. This analytic guy likes to improve upon anything that is not working efficiently. Even though the relationship is over, he will obsess over what he could have done better, picking apart the flaws in communication patterns, living arrangements and bookshelf categorization systems.
If there is a liability in Virgo’s coping mechanisms, it is that he will process the breakup mentally, yet not truly feel his grief. As a result, he may somatize his sadness, and end up consulting his holistic health practitioner to address problems that would not exist if he truly stayed with his emotions.
Subscribe to Sasstrology for the latest articles by email or RSS.
Become a fan of Sasstrology at Facebook.
Follow Sasstrology at Twitter.
Follow Sasstrology on Google buzz.
As a virgo woman, I find this post offensive. It portrays Virgos as obsessive compulsive hypochondriacs who are unable to get in touch with their feelings. I for one do not deal with heartbreak by cleaning my house or any of the other things mentioned here. Virgos are no different than any sign when dealing with heartbreak and disappointment. Shame on you Jeffery
Anonymous, are you suggesting that everybody deals with heartbreak the same way? How do you cope with disappointment? And where are your other planets?
I admit I may rely on zodiac stereotypes in posts like this, but I do believe that not everyone processes grief the same.
As a Virgo, I don’t really feel offended, but I think I know what Anonymous is hinting at. Stereotypically earth signs are too concerned with practical matters to have time for their emotional side.
Unfortunately this stereotype is quite popular.
Sometimes it makes a person want to fight for their right to have feelings AT ALL, as absurd as it may sound.
I’m sure Virgos have feelings like the rest of us, but they sure don’t feel comfortable showing sadness or heartbreak “normally.” At least the ones I know don’t…Show me a crybaby Virgo and I’ll show you someone masquerading as a Virgo.
And I must say that not all Virgos I’ve met are neat freaks, but my Virgo stepmother DOES clean when she’s upset – and she’s upset when things aren’t clean.
Actually, yes most virgos, are very confined people, but we have a horrible tendency to clean when we are pissed off, for some odd reason; exspecially when its a boy problem.
I don’t think that cleaning as a method of dealing with our feelings is a bad thing. It is incredibly calming and soothing. Certainly a lot healthier than drowning in booze, the way most Pisceans or Scorpios would, or overeating, like a Cancerian. Those signs might be more “emotional” but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they handle their feelings much more healthfully than other signs. I just wanted to point that out bc when I read Jeff’s entry, I knew exactly what he was saying and (as a non-Virgoan who loves to clean when I’m feeling stressed) I didn’t read any criticism in that entry. I’ve stormed and cried until my nose ran and formed a sea of snot (yum) during a break-up and looking back I can honestly say, I don’t think that drama was a better outlet either.
Jeffrey,
It’s marsey. I forgot my password. I’m anonymous who was offended with your post. Anyway, to answer your question I’m a Virgo/Pices moon/Taurus Rising/Scorpio descendant…How do I cope with disappointment? It depends on how deep the hurt. If blindsided by someone I really care about I go into seclusion for a few days, sleeping, ruminating over the issue trying to understand what happened,but usually will talk with only those closest to me about what is upsetting me. Lesser disappointments I just deal with it by going about my normal affairs but it is still in the back of my mind…And by the way, I clean my house all the time, so cleaning when upset is not something I need to do. And I would never get a colonic.
Marsey, sounds like you go into your Pisces Moon (seclusion, sleep). Any Sun sign post is necessarily a simplification, and no two Virgos are alike.
I knew a Virgo who had weekly colonics!
Eme, I don’t think Jeff was saying that Pisces (or any other water sign) processes breakups any more “healthfully” than Virgo (or any other sign). He was simply pointing out the stereotypical differences. Ranking the methods of dealing with breakups is unnecessary and divisive. Who says cleaning is better than drowning one’s sorrows in booze or overeating? Without moderation, obsessive compulsive cleaning can be counter-productive just like anything else.
I know, Jara. I didn’t mean to be divisive, I was merely trying to say that just bc one sign is more emotional than another, their coping mechanisms can also be unhealthy. You’re right, compulsive cleaning is unhealthy but I wanted to point out that cleaning that is not compulsive can be a pretty good outlet. The key is moderation as you say. I wanted to point out that the more “emotional” water-sign ways of coping can also be unhealthy if taken to extremes but by no means did I mean to imply that one coping mechanism is better than the other. Nor did I mean to spark a ridiculous “fight” as to which sign is “better” at coping with stress or heartbreak. Just out of curiosity: Did everyone else read my previous post that way?
If so, I apologize for not being clear.
Jara: When I said “I know” at the beginning of the post, I meant that I know what Jeff was saying in his original post. I was responding to the implied criticism that I myself didn’t read into it.
As a Virgo, I have to admit you’re all leaving out the obvious detail: that it’s better to be depressed in a clean-ass house than to be down in your own dumps, lol. I never understand why some people make a bad situation worse by leaving pizza out all night or losing their car keys. You’ve already in a funk, why do you want to join in with cruel fate and hurt yourself more by overeating, smoking, drinking too much…
This is all so obvious, why can’t you all see?
I’m a virgo woman born on Sept. 20,. I had my heartbroken by a guy almost a year ago and I still grieve like it was yesterday. I am probably one of the most sensitive ppl I know. I brake out into tears several times a day longing for him! Alot of times as soon as I wake up in the mornings, as if something falls on me as soon as I open my eyes. If anything I would think Virgo’s hanndle these situations worse than other signs because we are picky about who we let into our lives. So after anylizing every detail of whether we should let you be apart of us you decide to throw us away it leaves us very devistated b/c it makes us feel like we are not good enough or as if we missed something in our strive to perfectionism. I haven’t been reading astrology for long and was very surprised to find that virgo’s are thought of as cold and prude. I am very affectionate, loving, and expressive. I have every trait of a virgo except I don’t know anything about cold and unforgiving!
I am a virgo female and Shianne couldn’t have said it any better. I have friends tell me that I can’t be a virgo because I don’t act like them. I do have some of the traits. I know that when someone hurts me I don’t want them to know that they hurt me. I don’t want them to see me cry. It’s kind of like you don’t want people to think your weak or fragile. When I am angry I clean because for me when I am angry I just want to punch your lights out. I also like to go for a walk to calm me down. Virgo’s have a tendency to say hurtful things when they are angry or upset, things that you can’t take back. So my advice is when a virgo storms out angry don’t chase behind her arguing with her or you will get an earfull. When she is upset she doesn’t want you to see her cry. If you wait awhile and then go back and speak to them later they will talk to you after they calm down and you will make some headway. I have felt the hurt that Shianne is talking about. Only I couldn’t sleep I cried myself to sleep and three hours later I woke up with tears still in my eyes. I too had a guy brake up with me that I was head over heals in love with I lost so much weight because I was so upset that I made myself sick from crying all of the time. He saw me 7 months later and I had lost a lot of weight and he asked me if I was sick. I said no and he looked at me and said how did you lose so much weight? I couldn’t say I miss you terribly and I can’t eat or sleep. So don’t say that Virgo’s are cold hearted we feel very deeply. We just don’t want you to know it because after you dumped us we put our guards up and we don’t trust you with our feelings.
ok…first of all if you LADIES read the title it says HOW A VIRGO MALE deals with a break up and second every virgo is not the same im a scorpio and thinking deeply enough is obviously not your guyes speciality because your life experiences like not having a father in your life or a dead mother can alter the way you deal with things and how you take things not everyones the same but its out there for people that can relate not get offended…
im a gemini sun/ virgo moon/ taurus rising my venus and mercury are in gemini and my mars is in aries and depending on how deeply im hurt i will clean my room.
i dated a capricorn sun/leo moon for 1 yr and 7 months and when he dumped me i got very nervous and shaky. i tend to get very! nervous and shakey when things in relationships so wrong (i have virog in another planet aswell) and i was very passive my response was “okay”. i never show my emotions to my boyfriends (not friends) when i am sad (only when im angry) i show more anger than remorse towards them. well after the break up i went on dates with other people right off the bat ( he broke up with me on a thursday and i went on a date saterday night ) and i partied….like crazy! out every weekend and there was always a guy i had. i find that i way i deal with a break up is to party,drink, and not eat. i lost 12 pounds. well two weeks later it was new years and i got a new boyfriend on the stroke of 12. he was a rebound for sure. he was a capricorn sun/aquarious moon/and capricorn rising i liked him but its plain and simple he was a rebound. however i didnt tell my ex that i got a new bf . ironically after i got a new bf my ex bf came back from ny and had been begging me to date him again..crying and begging and giving me roses and candies and being very jealous and over protective and angry. he still didnt kno about the new bf and i did a good job at keeping it from him. ( not a good thing but w.e.) and then another guy started talkin to me through mutual friends and i liked him so the day after me and my bf at the times one month anniversary i dumped him and stayed single. then a month and a half later i started dating the guy i met through mutual friends he was a libra sun/aries moon.he was very fun.we had fun together and never stopped laughing. i always made him laugh. i never spoke to my previous ex…completely ignored him. im very good and cutting people out of my life.VERY good at it. it doesnt bother me at all. and many people tell me its hard to read me. they say that they dont feel important to me. i dont need to be around my friends 24/7 i like to be away from them sometimes because they longer i am away from them the happier i am when i see them again. and it doesnt bother me. i like hanging out with different friends everyday i dont like to clinge to anyone or anything. and maybe that is because i have a lot of gemini and virgo in me….well anywho me and the new bf dated for 2 months then i caught him cheating so i confronted him and he choked up and dumped me before i could dump him. but then he wanted me back and cried..but w.e. i didnt really care i was already talkin to my ex again…rebound…so then a month later i was back with my ex and 2 weeks later we broke up and here i am single for 3 days now. and already planning on rebounding to a new guy. i try to be single but its soooo hard. lol .from this story i would say i deal with break ups quite well.. my most recent ex…wants to go back out but im not going to let that happen. he complains ill never try to talk to him or talk to him period unless he talks to me or calls me ….hes right. i can shut people out of my life so easily its crazy. the saying that geminis and virgos are always busy is soo true in my case.
im interested in what u have to say to this jeffrey kishner!! so feel free to write back!! im at work and id like to read your response!!
Hello, I’m a virgo male, I truly admit that when I’m heartbroken I clean or when I’m pissed off. But overall, I don’t clean when it’s unnecessary. My ex gf of 5 1/2 years broke up with me, I was always analyzing what was wrong and how to get her back but I know I’ll never say to her if I ever see her.
I have a hard time trusting people and letting people know how I feel in general. I hope this helps a bit from a male virgo perspective. Thanks.
I can’t believe a virgo woman said she was offended by jeffrey writing a post that he had to keep fairly generic of virgo males, as an astrologer I will back Jefferey on this and hope the Virgo woman educates herself with what I am about to say – a Virgo woman is very different to a Virgo male and this goes for all signs, why because you are dealing fundamentally with male and female energy, yes we have both feminine and masculine in us but fundamentally signs effect women and men differently, also to the virgo female your opposite sign is pisces for a reason they have depth and often can see a 360 degree view of subject and are one of the most perceptive signs in the zodiac, by being offended and not asking Jeffrey more about why he wrote that you are showing compulsive behaviour, think about it….from venus in pisces
Personally, being a virgo, I would not agree about the cleaning thing(I never clean when i’m upset). But I do agree on the over analyzing what I could of done differently to change outcome of breakup and I am very prideful that I would never tell the person how I still felt about them. I hate to have people see me in pain over them. So as I am obssessing about this guy, I keep it to myself. And I also tend to say a lot of mean things when i’m upset. I don’t want to clean to feel better. What other options do I have?!
-M
I broke up with my virgo ex a couple of years ago. We were childhood sweethearts so i could pretty much understand how she reacts to things. After an eight year relationship we broke up.. I guess both of us are really not meant for each since we both tried to keep the relationship together but unfortunately it just wont work anymore. We both got fed up.. cheated each other.. (her with a fellow virgo and me with a lovely scorpio)
What angers me is the fact that she won’t admit her faults. She puts the blame on me and make me the bad guy to our family and friends and she the victim of the relationship.. I mean hellyeah we both have our flaws and for eight years i was loyal to her.. except for one time that i got attracted to a scorpio and eventually fell in love with her..
The funny thing is we both said goodbye to each other and she ask me this silly request for her… she wants me to meet up with the scopio girl.. all the three of us in one place and tell the girl that i still choose to be with her and that it was only a fling.. geeez i didn’t get her this time..
23 year old
Virgo Sun, Virgo Moon, and Virgo Rising.
How I deal with break-up, hm, I can honestly say I keep myself completely busy, I cut all ties with the people I used to know that knew my ex, I clean a lot. I overanalyze every situation that I did with that person but analyzing it for another year and a half since the break up. I see that I did NOTHING wrong but the person was just too young and she wasn’t mature enough to understand where I was coming from. There are many occassions where I realize perhaps her cheating on me was the greatest gift for me because if she didn’t. I’d probably still be the foolish Virgo falling for what that Leo was doing to me. She place every blame she had of herself onto me when clearly as glass my vision of people, I see her flaws and she was projecting them onto me to make herself feel better. I honestly do not care what she has said to her friends because I know I was loyal, faithful and loving towards her. I have no pity for her if the relationship ended where we just needed time apart then that’s fine.
Cheating to me is no excuse and I will not sympathize any excuse for it. Therefore, all ties of being contacted with this 5 year relationship with this Leo has been cut, from last year May 2008 til now, it still will be cut completely for the rest of my life.
ONCE a Virgo has made up his or her mind, the decision is final.
And of course, I do not show my sadness. I listen to music and bury myself with work. But no I do not cry in front of friends whatsoever. I rather deal with it rationally.
I have my house of love and romance (#5) in Virgo so I can relate to overanalysing all bits and pieces of the relationship; every time Mercury goes retrograde (and he does that pretty often) I feel it at a very personal level.
well iam a leo and i clean when am upset :\
thou this post might be kinda accurate but some of the stuff that i read were not true at all, it was the opposite. i’ve been in a relationship with a virgo man nd some of what i read about vigo men is that they hate sexuality or talking about it but this guy is very open about it and hes no afraid of tellin me what he wants(love or sex) i dont know if hes acting differently with me or thats how he really is but conclusion is that whats written about virgo men is nt always right.
mimi, it could be that your Virgo guy’s Mars or Mercury is in a more outgoing sign.
i see, how can i know what his sun or moon sign is??
i’ve often wondered how they deal with it. they are complex but have some endearing qualitie
They can be endearing, yes…but they can also be extremely confusing. I’ve had a Virgo completely disappear after months of getting close. :Z And didn’t so much as offer any kind of explanation until a month afterwards!
Wonder if they clean after a large disappearing act, too???
Well, us virgo, we don’t let you in our minds. I had a crush on a certain guy cuz I thought he was “perfect,” a beautiful lady that I am he rejected me. I found myself crying to sleep, I could not focus in anything. I’m extremely picky, and I certainly never let a guy know my feelings as a virgo, and the first time I tried to be blunt ( although I was shaking in my pants)… as Shianne said, it makes you feel less. I thought I was above. Yeah, you start questioning.
Well, us virgo, we don’t let you in our minds. I had a crush on a certain guy cuz I thought he was “perfect,” a beautiful lady that I am he rejected me. I found myself crying to sleep, I could not focus in anything. I’m extremely picky, and I certainly never let a guy know my feelings as a virgo, and the first time I tried to be blunt ( although I was shaking in my pants)… as Shianne said, it makes you feel less. I thought I was above. Yeah, you start questioning. Oh! by the way, today is his birthday. What a coincidance!
Well, I don’t know what they say about Aquarius and Virgo compatibility (meeting of the minds, if you will), but I was with a Virgo for 4 1/2 years. He was my bestfriend in the entire world. I mean, the “honeymoon” wasn’t over for the first 3 years! Literally, bestest friend EVER, but because of workschedules, stress, two ships passing in the night, and him throwing temper tantrems (and sometimes light-weight objects) I slowly left him…first emotionally, then physically. Up until I moved out he would cook me dinner (he was a chef), quit drinking and smoking pot and started running! It killed me because I knew it would only be the bandaid on the booboo, but the problems would still be there. That was almost 2 years ago and only recently has the contact from him ceased. He was really and most likely still heart broken over me. Even though I’m heavily concentrating on the man I’m with now… I miss my bestfriend
I have a question tho for virgo ladies… if after a break up and being apart for a year and a half —- a virgo lady calls an ex and updates the ex on what is going on with her life even if it means having a relationship already and telling the ex that she already moved on… what does it mean?
I’m an aqua and had a six year relationship with a virgal and after breaking up with her a year and a half ago i received a call from her. she ask how are things with me and my current gf and that her family is saying hi. I just don’t get it why i received a call from her all of a sudden and telling me that she already have a boyfriend and that she want’s the best for both me and my girlfriend when in fact we’ve already talked about my relationship several months ago when i received another call from her. and now her friends are trying to add me on my facebook all at once.. nah i just find it weird…
My girlfriend a scorp told me that it’s probably because my ex still has feelings for me… which i doubt because it’s been almost two years and she already have a boyfriend.. they have been together for a year now..
U may Hurt a Virgo’s Heart once but I Promise you will never ever, ever, everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr get another chance to ever see us again!!!!!!! And we never come back. end!!!
As you can see I am a scorpio and I take offense in we drown our sorrows in booze. I do not even drink or smoke. I start to clean alot. I am dating a virgo guy and he can get emotional when I am sad. When I cry, he cries also because he doesn’t want me to feel pain.