How does the Virgo man deal with a breakup?

As a Pisces, I deal with grief and pain by drinking large quantities of alcohol and watching DVDs. (Just kidding on the first part!) Virgo, my opposite, scrubs his toilet when his heart breaks. Unlike Pisces — who seeks to escape suffering by transcending reality — Virgo hones in on the details, immersing himself in ritualistic behaviors. A thorough house-cleaning may help him purge the demons of longing. Or he may participate in a round of colonic hydrotherapy sessions to cleanse himself of embodied relationship toxins.

Virgo is ruled by intellectual Mercury. This analytic guy likes to improve upon anything that is not working efficiently. Even though the relationship is over, he will obsess over what he could have done better, picking apart the flaws in communication patterns, living arrangements and bookshelf categorization systems.

If there is a liability in Virgo’s coping mechanisms, it is that he will process the breakup mentally, yet not truly feel his grief. As a result, he may somatize his sadness, and end up consulting his holistic health practitioner to address problems that would not exist if he truly stayed with his emotions.

About Jeffrey Kishner

Jeffrey Kishner is founder and publisher of Sasstrology. He is a licensed mental health counselor and has been doing astrological counseling since 2001. Jeffrey has been published in print magazines including The Mountain Astrologer and Dell Horoscope, and has written online for sites including AOL, Tarot.com and StarIQ. Jeffrey has also been heavily involved in the astrology blogger community. Read his personal blog at JeffreyKishner.com.

Comments

  1. Virgo Bloke says:

    As I have just broken up with a Taurus and I’m Virgo male I’ll tell you exactly how it works.

    We fall to pieces, we bargain and go over every everything in microscopic detail. Including ourselves. We hate ourselves for being so stupid, we fantasise about scenarios that simply would never have happened good and bad. We cry, get angry, bargain some more (sometimes with ourselves Doh!) get rational and say pull yourself together man and realise she just didn’t love you enough to want you forever, no shame in that is there?? We get mad and want to write the most hurtful things down and send them. But we don’t.

    But above all we tell no one what we are going through, until we have got to the point that we feel happy (ier) with knowing that it will get better and life is still the same glorious adventure it always was and the pressure of trying to fix what never was meant to be has lifted. Then we get back to being the clever, thoughtful, loyal, trusting, funny and perfect man we always were 🙂

    In some cases this takes years in others it takes a few days

    But I must say, after all my relationships that have broken up, I have never once wanted to clean house!!

  2. I’m a Virgo and I dealt with my 2 breakup’s with partying, drinking, sex, and then therapy.

  3. A lot of these responses must be from really young virgos or first-time serious relationship virgos. The reason I say that is because an experienced virgo will not make the same mistake twice. Yes, the first true-love break-up is hard, but also the virgo has very strong will-power so when they realize the issue is unhealthy or no resolve then they will completely break ties with that person. After that the virgo will never leave themselves open or vulnerable enough to be hurt in the same way again. Also, the virgo is a very innate clean person so of course they will want all of their surroundings clean. It really has nothing to do with overcleaning due to just a break-up.

  4. plz give me suggestion what should i do.i was in a relationship with a virgo guy and we had lots of fights due to which he got fed up and he broke up with me 2 monthsbefore .After broke up he gave me option either to remain friends or totally cut off so i choose to remain friend and after that he didnt text me for 15-20 days and now he is texting me in alternative days and just saying hellp hw r u. dats it. Now plz tell me what should i do to get back him. I really love him

  5. plz give me suggestion what should i do.i was in a relationship with a virgo guy and we had lots of fights due to which he got fed up and he broke up with me 2 monthsbefore .After broke up he gave me option either to remain friends or totally cut off so i choose to remain friend and after that he didnt text me for 15-20 days and now he is texting me in alternative days and just saying hellp hw r u. dats it. Now plz tell me what should i do to get back him. I really love him

  6. plz give me suggestion what should i do.i was in a relationship with a virgo guy and we had lots of fights due to which he got fed up and he broke up with me 2 monthsbefore .After broke up he gave me option either to remain friends or totally cut off so i choose to remain friend and after that he didnt text me for 15-20 days and now he is texting me in alternative days and just saying hellp hw r u. dats it. Now plz tell me what should i do to get back him. I really love him

  7. its very hard to be with a virgo man– i am an Aries and dating virgo man for 8mo now. in ur case dnt ever case him u still have a very slim chance to get him back bec ge is still communicating with u, the problem is when he find someone new he will stop communicating totally… for me just go one with ur life meet other people dnt expect that he will get back to u soon coz the fact that he the one who broke up with u it means that he dont want the relationship anymore.. he keeping in touch bec he havent find someone else yet– but when he does he will totally cut communication with u and will leave u double pain… so just go on with ur life. u stay away… virgo man were very difficult

  8. bonnie greatorex says:

    I have been dumped buy my bf of 5 months, this makes 5 times in 5 months. I still feels its not over as I am always the one who puts us back. It starts is a fight, then he breaks up to end the fight, by the time we reconcile we don’t remember what the fight was about. On the phone that last time we spoke he said “I don’t love you, is that what you want to hear? ” So if he really wanted me to know that he doesn’t love me he would not have added th “is that what you want to hear?” so I will give him a week to cool his anger and see if the love is still there. Pray for me as its going to be a long week! I am a cap and we are supposed to be compatible, my boy best friend is virgo and so is my second husband. I wonder if I have started a pattern, he breaks up with me and I put it back together…..is this what he is waiting for? He tells me that he doesn’t understand why I am with him as I could have any guy I want….hardest relationship I have ever encountared.

  9. I am a Virgo, in my life I have rejected few girls when they asked me out. Later on the Karma took me over, for breaking their heart. I got rejected by few girls that I like. I am getting weaker as times are going by with very little hope for a relationship for now. The girl that I like now was the one that I liked since a few months. She is one of my closest friend but never told her that I liked her. Our society thinks were dating becuz were close, but we aren’t dating. I am trying not to like her but couldn’t, I just cry from inside. I am also not suppose to be having any girlfriend or so. But for the sake of our friendship, I support her in every moves she makes, even if she’s dating someone. Am I right in the step I am taking. And the reason I like her is because I don’t even know why. Hey a girl and a boy can be best friends. If you don’t like this. Then plz don’t comment something that will hurt me. I need help. And thank you for taking your time and reading this.

  10. It may be true about everything you said, I am an Aquarius woman or girl in love with a Virgo guy who I am not sure feels same he does not call until I don’t call 4 a day or 2 when I need his help he becomes silent and when I ask what he really wants he becomes even more silent give me days or months alone then calls back and apologies I want to ask is this how Virgo love or lust?

  11. Eagleyez says:

    I’m Scorpio woman who was in love with a Virgo man.It’s true what they say, Virgo men are hard to deal with on an emotional level. Our relationship was short lived because he was still in love with his Aquarius ex with whom he shared a child. To be frank, I knew our relationship was doomed even before we started (scorp instinct), having a long term relationship with him was not my first objective. My first objective was to show him what love is, and teach him how to love himself. See, his Aquarius ex was a bitch, she knew she had him, so she took disadvantage. I seriously started a relationship with him in order to save him (scorp self sacrificing habit). I then started wanting him cause I knew instinctively he was a good guy (we scorps don’t like letting go anyways) so to be honest I was on the borderline of wanting to keep him but also knowing I’ll have to let him go after I showed him what love felt like. To make a long story short, after 3 months with me his ex came back in his life and used their baby as a weapon to get him back. As predicted he took the bait (unfortunate for him). He started finding silly things to start arguments in an attempt to have me break up with him. I really did start loving him and so I ended up getting hurt. I left him after telling him exactly what I predicted (based on pattern) would happen with her(of course he ignored me…silly boy). In less than 2 months he came back trying to fix things with me. I ignored him as I knew what he was going through at the time was just a brush on the surface of what he was really gonna face. Now, a year and a half after, he’s inboxing me asking me how could i have known what a monster she was gonna turn into. He’s now begging me to give him another chance, he’s regretful and offering things he hadnt offered before. Telling me how stupid he was for letting me ‘his perfect girl’go. I ignored his messages for months until I couldn’t take his pleading anymore I started responding to him. He wants (begging) for a relationship with me. I pity him, so I talk to him and I’m trying my best to be a friend to him, but that’s all I have left. I’m not seeing anyone, but…I can’t see myself going back there…too much darkness. Virgo men will come back, but only if u let them. If you believe he’s worth going back to then take him back, otherwise kick that sicker to to curb. By the way, Virgo men are freaks ( just the way we scored like it) sex was AWESOME. Wait a minute, maybe I can make him into my sex toy…lol.

  12. Eagleyez says:

    I’m Scorpio woman who was in love with a Virgo man.It’s true what they say, Virgo men are hard to deal with on an emotional level. Our relationship was short lived because he was still in love with his Aquarius ex with whom he shared a child. To be frank, I knew our relationship was doomed even before we started (scorp instinct), having a long term relationship with him was not my first objective. My first objective was to show him what love is, and teach him how to love himself. See, his Aquarius ex was a bitch, she knew she had him, so she took disadvantage. I seriously started a relationship with him in order to save him (scorp self sacrificing habit). I then started wanting him cause I knew instinctively he was a good guy (we scorps don’t like letting go anyways) so to be honest I was on the borderline of wanting to keep him but also knowing I’ll have to let him go after I showed him what love felt like. To make a long story short, after 3 months with me his ex came back in his life and used their baby as a weapon to get him back. As predicted he took the bait (unfortunate for him). He started finding silly things to start arguments in an attempt to have me break up with him. I really did start loving him and so I ended up getting hurt. I left him after telling him exactly what I predicted (based on pattern) would happen with her(of course he ignored me…silly boy). In less than 2 months he came back trying to fix things with me. I ignored him as I knew what he was going through at the time was just a brush on the surface of what he was really gonna face. Now, a year and a half after, he’s inboxing me asking me how could i have known what a monster she was gonna turn into. He’s now begging me to give him another chance, he’s regretful and offering things he hadnt offered before. Telling me how stupid he was for letting me ‘his perfect girl’go. I ignored his messages for months until I couldn’t take his pleading anymore I started responding to him. He wants (begging) for a relationship with me. I pity him, so I talk to him and I’m trying my best to be a friend to him, but that’s all I have left. I’m not seeing anyone, but…I can’t see myself going back there…too much darkness. Virgo men will come back, but only if u let them. If you believe he’s worth going back to then take him back, otherwise kick that sucker to to curb. By the way, Virgo men are freaks ( just the way we scorps like it) sex was AWESOME. Wait a minute, maybe I can make him into my sex toy…lol.

  13. lost and confused says:

    Wow that’s a decent story..I’m also a Scorpio who was dealing with a Virgo man for 9 months until about a month ago he just cut me off after I was with him the weekend before I texted him on a Monday but when he replied I was sleep so I replied to him that following morning he never replied so I contacted him after 10 days went by asking why are you ignoring me he replied and said he wasn’t I said well if u havnt heard from me shouldnt you have checked on me he said I’m right and that he was sorry for that I was so annoyed with his response I said whatever and told him now that I know he is good I’m done his actions are saying you don’t want me around he never replied so I waited a week and contacted him again by phone this time he didn’t answer so I sent a text basically saying how I’m there for him but he is never there for me since I was drunk I said some other mean things like he is a user and everything that comes to him he deserves he called me back I answered asking what’s up with you why are you playing games he said how am I playing games then treated me like our text convo didn’t happen the week before he even said I never texted you send me a pic of them I was so confused I said whatever your playing then he said well since you think I am playing so much maybe we should’ve call each other anymore I was shocked he said that I said fine and hung up but I called back and said so that’s it when you say it’s done it’s done he said don’t call my phone with that crazy mess and hung up on me that was that I didn’t contact him by phone again but I did text him a week later asking about a couple hundred dollars I allowed him to borrow I was very nice with asking about it but he never replied now I’m hurt bcus he just left me for no reason that I know if after I was there for him anytime he needed me I put all the effort into the relationship…I’m hurt and confused

  14. aquarian22 says:

    I am an Aquarius female who was seeing a Virgo male. He is my neighbor. We had hung out as friends for a while. A few beers in the garage on the weekend. We are both single with grown children. One night after a few beers, I advanced on him. He didn’t resist. Things started to change. He is content with hanging out in the garage, going out eat but that’s it. We had both agreed that our alone time was like no other. Comfortable is what he called it. It has been 10 months and I started to feel things for him. He had many mood swings which always resulted in us not talking or seeing each other for a week at a time. When we would reconnected it always revolved around beer in the garage, sex at my house that night. I was getting irritated with that situation and let him know it. I had tried to brake it off many times. My feelings grew for him and he was content with having me as a “friend”. I did let him know how I feel about him, what qualities I truly loved about him-nothing in response. I tried to end it again. The problem is I am very close to his parents and children, not to mention he live across the street from me so we have to see each other. OK the last month he has made great efforts to show that he cares-never words. Last week I called him and he never called back. I can see him outside around his house and couldn’t help but wonder why he isn’t returning my call or text. I waited a couple days and decided to make one more call. He answered said he is changing things around in his life. That he has been thinking about us and that telling me what he has to say isn’t easy. I was stunned. Two days earlier we had great alone time, no sign of anything out of order but feeling we were moving in a positive direction. I told him I was shocked that he feels I am part of his problems and not solutions. I reminded him again how much I care for him, love him. And that if I truly cared about him that I need to let him do what he needs to do. I told him you know where I am and that I am not going anywhere. Since then he has been completely ignoring me. Closing the garage door when I take out the garbage, turning and walking the other way when I get in my car to go to the store. Now, I have been sick and hurt about this since I didn’t see it coming. I believe he truly only wanted me around to have a drinking and screwing friend. I deleted his number so I won’t make desperate phone calls or texts. Not sure if this is a Virgo male thing or just a really bad relationship that I can’t seem to move on from. I have feelings for him which is making this situation very hard for me. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

  15. lost and confused says:

    @aquarian22 I really feel that’s how they are and you cannot let it go because there was no closure believe me I feel your pain mine put me in his future and then just disappeared then got mad at me when I contacted him during him disappering it just happen just the week before he needed me and just the day before we were together talking watching even holding hands while we were sleep yes shocked I was I have no closure but I am slowly getting over it yes it’s been a month. I can only say this and no it’s not easy but move on these Virgo men aren’t happy with themselves so they will never make you happy never be happy for you etc I know it’s hard because it’s not like he was mean to you or anything so it’s hard to let go it would be much easier if he was a complete asshole!!! and to answer your question yes he only wanted you for drinking and sex samething mine only wanted me for I had to learn what his I need you really meant which was for the moment not I need you because I love you smh

  16. aquarian22 says:

    Thank you lost and confused. I have never posted anything online before. Feeling like the close people in my life can’t understand why I can’t just move on. Today I took his mother to the store. We never exposed our relationship but she knows something has happened. Without given details she said I will always be a part of her life. Nice. I also decided to move. I can’t stand the thought of him ending it with me without reason. For the first time in my life I was feeling great about myself, the other people in my life. I woke up this morning refusing to loose this. In between tears of course. Someday a wonderful person will enter my life and appreciate what I have to offer. Just not today..

  17. lost and confused says:

    That’s the most hardest part is the relationship ended without a reason and that he would do something like this to someone that was a friend first believe me I feel and understand your pain because I too am going thru the same thing

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