I don’t want compassion in a relationship, I want love. Love is the #1 ingredient for fidelity, # 2 Happiness if neither is there well then guess what nothing in the world is going to keep me there not even kids. I don’t believe anyone should stay in a relationship where this does not exist. Some of you mentioned commitments and being honorable…yeah thats all great, but guess what if you aren’t making your partner happy then chances are commitments and honor will not keep them faithful to you. I don’t care whats in a person’s chart anyone will cheat given the, “right temptation”….Nothing kept Eve from temptation and we are all grown from the same seed…For those of us that are not in love, or happy and will keep ourselves from being unfaithful I think do it simply out of respect,empathy, fear of losing everything, or ending up alone. And for the smarter ones who have worked long and hard for all of our assets don’t feel like cutting this down by 1/2 and earning a payment of child support for the next 20 years, plus alimony.

“In addition I was at the time way more successful than he was and that was eating him up so much that very often he wouldn’t want to leave my house so that I can study, or sleep cause of early classes. Like he was trying to destroy anything that may push me away from him or to diminish anything that I’ve accomplished in life (which he did very often verbally). Arguments about this or about me wanting to leave would, in our last year, often grow over the verbal boundaries. We became capable of pulling the worst out of each other. I for one became abusive, in all ways one can imagine.”

My Aries ex actually got fired from a job that he had (and liked!) for 3 years because he wouldn’t leave my house – EVER (to this day, I’m very cautious about letting a date know where I live), and wanted to go to school/class with me every day. He went to a different school at the time, and would skip HIS classes to go with me to mine. And telling him no would turn into hours-long arguments, so I would just let him go. In the beginning, I liked him coming to school with me on his off days, because we could share that time together. But our relationship became very co-dependent, and I didn’t like feeling like I couldn’t do anything without him there. When I met him, I was making straight A’s. During our relationship, it got to the point where I just wouldn’t go to school some days rather than take him with me. The more things fell apart in his life, the more he clung to me. He would constantly want me to make the same “sacrifices” he made for me (giving up friends, job, school, etc.) to show how much I loved him.

Flashina, I know you didn’t ask for my opinion/advice, but I just want to co-sign with exclusion.blue here. She’s giving you good advice on how to work through insecurity issues. I would consider myself a person that has a fear of betrayal and I don’t like to share what I view as “mine” (I was raised as an only child, I’m a Cancer, have Scorpio moon, take your pick as to why I’m possessive), BUT I also think about how I would like to be treated (and what tends to chase me away), and that’s what keeps me from putting restraints on people I’m in a relationship with.

It’s ok to be jealous. That’s a natural emotion. It just means that you value the bond that you have with your mate. But being able to recognize the line between being jealous and having a reason to be suspicious may help prevent you from becoming controlling and restrictive, which can chase him away and make you both miserable.

Exclusion.blue mentions some good questions to ask yourself to help tell the difference. Good luck with your relationship.

Insecurity is something many of us have to cope with, question is only how we do it. As for my Aries ex, he never really tried to hear what my needs are or where I needed his respect and recognition (and I do need these in any kind of one-on-one relationship). I have tried to explain him these things numerous times but without any success. Apart from that, he never really tried to change anything about him, he always had to be right about everything regarding his or my life, ambitions, goals… and he never managed to see or understand any of this, while admitting that he’s wrong was always out of question. That just doesn’t happen to him.
In addition I was at the time way more successful than he was and that was eating him up so much that very often he wouldn’t want to leave my house so that I can study, or sleep cause of early classes. Like he was trying to destroy anything that may push me away from him or to diminish anything that I’ve accomplished in life (which he did very often verbally). Arguments about this or about me wanting to leave would, in our last year, often grow over the verbal boundaries. We became capable of pulling the worst out of each other. I for one became abusive, in all ways one can imagine.

Guilt for us staying so long together and not breaking up (but literally) lays on my back too, since through time we created a two-way addiction to each other, and I was too weak to let go one I love, to weak to plunge in suffering needed to get out of any emotional bond although I was very aware of how bad we are when together.

As for you, you know your problem and that’s half way to a solution. I’m also always frightened that if I let someone in too much they will hurt me, use me, dump me, reject me, do something behind my back, lie to me, I’m Miss Paranoia. My Cap ex, several months into our relationship, when we’ve already expressed our love in many ways, asked me ‘How could you possibly be with me if you don’t trust me?’ And not only with him – with anyone. He asked this because of me always having doubts about everything, I would like the most if I could just enter people’s heads and see for myself what they think instead of trusting or asking. Back then I was jealous on his ex girlfriend, his best friend and what not… I knew people we ever loved leave marks in our souls and although I was done with all my previous relationships when I started dating him, and nothing from my past love life could possibly jeopardize my love to him I couldn’t accept right away that the same was in his head and heart too.

He wasn’t the reason for my fear. I was. Just as my Ram was trying to fill the missing parts of his own persona with someone else’s parts. That’s not possible. We have to first recognize ourselves from inside, find our strengths in our goals and ambitions, nurture them and love them, then we can see if there are still justified, reasonable motives from our outside world that push us into extreme behaviour patterns.

Takes a lot of hard work to change things like this, but try to analyze with ratio instead with your emotions. Does he obviously hides things from you? Do you really don’t know where he goes and what he does? Can you put aside your dark thoughts for a moment and try to feel his love (I give rich meanings to telepathic connections)? The way you’re feeling and acting blurs any other true feeling that can arise.

Then there’s other point of view – would you like to be checked on every 15 minutes? Stalked, spied, anything? You wouldn’t, trust me.

I solved my problem by deciding to trust my Cap. I saw that it’s very important to him, and he trusted me. I admit, I had a few jealousy bursts in 4 years, but I had somewhat valid reasons for them.

I hope I’ve at least gave you some new insight to your problem, cause I certainly haven’t helped much

I was emotionally cheating on my ex because I definitely got to know the Cancer guy before doing anything physical. That was while I was still technically with the Aries. The problem is that I had emotionally checked out of the relationship before officially breaking up with him. And that’s when the ambiguity comes in. I felt guilty about the emotional cheating, so I withstood all of the Aries’ temper tantrums because I thought he was justified in a way for feeling betrayed. (He took full advantage of my guilty and sympathetic feelings, though.)

On the other hand, I also agree that technically I didn’t cheat. I waited awhile after breaking up with the Aries before going on an official date with the Cancer. But because of the circumstances, that relationship was doomed almost from the start. I was in no shape to be dating anyone that soon after being in such an emotionally traumatic relationship with Aries. I wasn’t even myself at the time…

I do agree that emotional cheating is just as problematic as physical cheating (maybe even more so). If that’s happening, then something is definitely wrong with the relationship. Either it needs to be dealt with or the relationship needs to end. Well, I knew this at the time and I tried talking to my Aries ex about how I was feeling, but he really wasn’t trying to hear where I was coming from. I tried explaining to him that I felt smothered in the relationship and he would just blame me for being a “bad girlfriend” because I didn’t consider his feelings. In other words, if I only did what he wanted all the time, things would be better. That’s when I was like, “Well screw this, I’m going to talk to someone who understands where I’m coming from because my boyfriend has no clue.”

It’s funny how things work out because just when you need a shoulder to lean on, Cancers or Pisceans seem to come around when they’re needed most. Almost like they have a radar for those in emotional distress.

So no, I don’t feel guilty for what I did, but I am more aware of what I need in a relationship and I haven’t let things get that bad with a man since. I can spot the “signs” from a mile away now.

This is true but blahblah didn’t cheat. Just bc the Aries guy refused to believe they broke up doesn’t make blahblah a cheater. He was just a tar-baby and an ass! I’ve seen the same “stalkerish” behavior in men who are not Aries. I’ve never dated an Aries, actually. I’ve seen this behavior in Scorpios a lot.

I’m thinking, “How long did you think he would put up with loving you MORE than you love him?”

I don’t know if that’s typical Aries behavior, but that’s exactly what happened in my case, too. I broke up with my boyfriend in October of one year and he still considered us together all the way through February of the next year and kept pestering me about getting back together. You would think he realized the contradiction of these two feelings, right? How can you want to get “back together” if you’re not broken up? No, this contradiction didn’t seem obvious to him. Therefore, he still thinks I cheated on him even though I was with someone else in DECEMBER (clearly after October, right?). Well, despite my knowing the relationship was a really bad one, I agreed to have a “fresh start” with him after being with the other guy and it was hell. He never dropped the subject, asking me questions about the guy constantly, going back and forth between saying he loved me and being verbally abusive about the situation until I had to just stop responding to his calls, emails, in-person visits.

In my experiences, they are VERY possessive. And it’s not the same kind of possessiveness as say, stereotypical Cancer, Taurus, or even Scorpio. It’s more ego-driven I think, like “how could you possibly want to be with someone else besides me?”

I have a female Aries friend who broke up with her boyfriend of a year and a half because she wasn’t sure she loved him (she never said “I love you” to him, despite him saying it every day to her) and thought he was too chubby (i.e., embarrassed to be seen with him). Even though she really cared about him, he wasn’t good for her ego (his chubbiness), which translated to her not being sure about her feelings.

Well, 2 weeks after she broke up with him, she started seeing him around with another woman, which completely threw her. She found at the day before my birthday, and couldn’t stop talking about it during my birthday party the next day.

Two years later, her ex is now engaged to the woman. Even though my friend broke up with the guy and has since moved on to her own 2 yr. relationship, she STILL feels hurt about this guy managing to recover so quickly after she dumped him. She’s self-aware enough to know that it has nothing to do with actual feelings for the guy, but more with the fact that he moved on so quickly. In her own words, “How is this guy still breathing? He should be DEVASTATED!!!” Although she was joking, I know there’s some truth to her words.

That he moved on so quickly makes her doubt his feelings were true, which is understandable. However, it was pretty obvious to everyone that he worshiped her. I have tried to tactfully explain to her that he was VERY giving throughout the relationship, always putting her needs first (he’s a solar Virgo), and never asking for anything in return. When he told her he loved her, she would always reply “thanks.” I’m thinking, “How long did you think he would put up with loving you less than you love him?” It’s easier to recover from a relationship when you know someone isn’t as committed. She’s my friend, though, so I tried not to put it as bluntly as this. She knows it isn’t fair to feel the way she does, but she’s still hurt. Her ego’s hurt, not her feelings. With Aries types, though, it’s hard for them to tell the difference between the two. Maybe there ISN’T a difference…