My ex has the same complaints (being everyone’s go-to guy). I checked his chart and he has Saturn in Virgo, too…and mars and jupiter. Yikes.

Your earth/air friend is an eclectic mix there. I’m surprised that the Aquarius mars wouldn’t be a little more fearless in bringing issues to light. Then again, the Libra ascendant and Taurus moon probably really values easy sailings and makes him more complacent than he would be otherwise.

Wow, does this sound so familiar to me! The part about not taking responsibility for his rude comments is what really drives me crazy about narcissists. They’re never wrong. Everything you do, say, or feel boils down to how it affects them. They can never get outside of thinking about themselves to think about you. I’m soooooo glad that you put yourself first with this guy. He sounds like a true a$$hole. When my ex would start in on the “But what about me??” bit, I used to ask him, “If I’m thinking about you and you’re thinking about you, then who’s thinking about me?”

If the guy can’t answer that question satisfactorily, GAME OVER! The last conversations I had with 2 exes went along those lines. That’s when they don’t believe it’s over, but it is a done deal for me at that point. I’m still in contact with my last ex because he’s able to own up to what he’s done wrong (even if it takes awhile) and not repeat it. Can’t say the same for the rest of ‘em. One of my favorite plays has this word of advice in it: “If you’ve told a person what’s bothering you and they keep doing it anyway, let ‘em go because they are telling you they just don’t give a damn.” So true.

It sounds like you were dating one of my exes. His favorite saying was “But what about me?”, even if he was the one clearly in the wrong. I used to call him Double-Standard Man. Is the guy you were dating a Gemini? lol

It feels so good to look out for yourself after considering other people for so long. Today at work, I finally started telling people no to the assignments they were trying to put on me. This one manager (not even MY manager) kinda looked at me with this shocked look on her face when I told her no. I almost laughed out loud when she asked me “Then who’s gonna do it?” I said “My guess is you.” (so wrong but it felt so right!) I told her if she had a problem with it, to go see my manager (and I already know what he’s gonna say to her). I’m done doing stuff other people can do for themselves that’s not within my job description just because I didn’t want to be rude. To paraphrase a statement you made earlier, if they’re bold enough to ask for something inappropriate, then I can be bold enough to just say NO. I was walking on cloud nine today.

It’s unbelievable how much my mood is affected by holding stuff inside vs. letting it out.

@Eme…Stop worrying? But that’s what I do best! For real though, your last comment had me cracking up. I do so appreciate bluntness sometimes.

What I wrote earlier was how I USED to deal with breaking up with people-> wait for them to do it in order to avoid that whole “but whyyyy?” conversation. Now, I just tell them it’s not working and move on. I don’t feel guilty about that at all now. They are emotional vampires, and my wanting to be with them ends as soon as they show themselves to be consistently inconsiderate. It took me awhile to get to this point, but trust me, I’ve learned the error of my ways. (Even though I still think it’s easier when the guy thinks he’s the one doing the breaking up.)

“Eme Kah, how exactly did you break up with the guy you were dating? Did he try to guilt trip you into staying? If so, how did you handle that?”

We had been seeing each other for three weeks and we weren’t exclusive, so it wasn’t a break-up. What happened was that he wanted to keep seeing other people AND seeing me; meanwhile I was getting attached. Then we went on a date in which he made a series of rude comments.

Oh, and he was pressuring me to see him more often even though I told him that I needed to keep some detachment from him since he was dating others. Up to that point, I was really into him, we were having fun, etc. But then I realized that all of this stuff together was making me enjoy his company less. A lot less. So I wrote him telling him that I understood his need to protect himself by dating others (which was how he had put it) but that I needed to withdraw. He called me that night to “discuss.” Basically, it was all about eating his cake and having it too and, oh, my not abandoning him. And how tacky it was for me to break up with him over email. I said, Dude, we’re not girlfriend and boyfriend, remember? it’s not a break-up, you’re the one who insists on seeing other people. Well, he went on, couldn’t we still see each other on Saturday and besides I was getting the best dating night of the week. I said: So I’m Mormon wife #1? I’m the favorite out of your five other wives? (He never did tell me how many others he was seeing.)

I mean, we actually had fun arguing but in the morning it became very clear to me that he just wanted everything according to his needs and wasn’t all that concerned about mine. Plus, he didn’t take responsibility for his rude comments (called them a defence mechanism instead of outright apologizing) and when I explained my fears and my past relationship troubles, he was concerned about how they would affect him–didn’t really seem sympathetic at all. He texted me once and called me another time and I never called back.

Why? Bc I’d found out all I needed to find out which was: this guy is not willing to meet me halfway in a relationship. He’s concerned about his needs and he wants to keep seeing me bc I’m fun and make him feel accepted but doesn’t seem to have any real concern for me as a human being. It’s about what I do for him, not about who I am inherently. I’m just a fix. My needs, my fears, my woes? All negotiable. And, frankly I think that sucks. So, why should I feel guilty even if he speaks of my abandoning him? It’s all about him. And I’m a person too, yo.

“I didn’t want to ignore their calls, so I started ending things very abruptly like “This isn’t working. Goodbye.” and never contact them again, or at least for a VERY long time afterwards.”

So? What’s wrong with ignoring someone’s calls if that person is refusing to listen to you? That’s what it sounds like, anyway, you kept telling these guys that you wanted to break up with them and THEY REFUSED to listen to you. Why are you so concerned with being extreme to people who are narcissistic and selfish? These people are the emotional equivalent of snakes, would you be worried about a snake’s feelings if you turned tail and ran when you saw one? Of course not. Stop worrying so much about being extreme or your communication style and start worrying about protecting yourself from these people. Get your priorities straight, girl.