In the comments section of How we turn people off with our planets, Julie wrote this insightful response about living with challenging Pluto aspects:
For me, the control issue has been a major thing, along with the lack of trust (and I suppose they’re probably related). The interesting thing to me has been that, as far as healing these issues is concerned, it’s been recognizing my real lack of control that has freed me. Giving up the idea that I can control everything has made life simpler and happier. And I’m more trusting, too, because I’ve learned that I can survive being hurt.
People with challenging Pluto aspects often have been wounded. Dominated, violated, controlled, manipulated, broken down. It’s all a matter of degrees how bad it was, and sometimes it’s easier to deal with the more overt types of abuse because at least you can identify exactly what happened. The covert type of abuse that you can’t quite place — that can’t be proven — is often more difficult to heal.
Regardless, in order to survive, we build up defenses. To avoid feeling completely powerless, we develop routines, habits, m.o.‘s. Control is an illusion, but how terrifying life can be — especially as a child or young adult — to feel that you cannot protect yourself, that you are vulnerable! The world can be a dangerous place, and a “kill or be killed” approach sometimes feels like the only way to survive.
But control does not work in relationships. You can only get so close, and then terror kicks in. A constant suspicion of people’s motives prevents your heart from flowering. You play various “games” to be one up. And all you accomplish are power struggles and strife.
Learning that you can survive being hurt — this is key. I believe that there is something deep inside of you that cannot be harmed, and that you have a natural tendency to heal. A psychotherapeutic relationship, for example, can facilitate this. A “corrective emotional experience” occurs when your habitual patterns rear their ugly head in an intimate relationship, and the therapist responds differently than how you expect. You cannot lure the therapist into your game, and you learn that relationships do not always have to repeat the same destructive pattern, over and over again. You also get in touch with your inner strength, dis-identifying with your woundedness.
It is your vulnerability that makes you beautiful. It is your open-heartedness that attracts love. Only by risking authenticity can you take the air out of someone else’s tires, preventing them from driving their PlutoMobile over your soul.