Chart Analysis: Why do I attract Venus in Aries men?
April 25, 2007 by Jeffrey Kishner
Jara provided a birth time (click on chart to view) and asks,I keep attracting guys who have Venus in Aries and I don’t know why. I have no Aries planets in my natal chart.I do like some Venus in Aries traits like their optimism and quick sense of humor, BUT I hate how I seem to clash with them. Our arguments get very heated to the point of near-violence. All they seem to care about is winning, not trying to find a compromise or listen to the other person. It’s like when they get mad, they can’t THINK anymore, which is very frustrating. All emotion and fire, no reason or restraint.
Every man who I’ve had this reaction to has Venus in Aries and I know there’s something wrong here. The worst was with a guy who had Venus AND Mars in Aries! I don’t want to repeat this experience in the future because it’s very stressful, but the last 5-6 guys I’ve dated have this placement. I don’t find out until after we’ve been dating awhile and have our 1st argument.
How can I avoid guys with Venus in Aries without having to resort to asking a guy his birthday within the first 5 minutes of meeting him? Also, is there anything in my chart that explains this attraction (The attraction may be 2-sided, but since guys are usually the initiators….)?
You have Mars conjunct your Descendant, or Seventh House cusp. Anytime a planet conjoins an angle, that planet has extra strength. In your case, aggressive energy is experienced in relationships. Mars rules Aries, so it is no surprise you would attract fiery, winner-take-all men. This combativeness manifests verbally because Mars is in communicative Gemini.
This is your Mars in Gemini. Have you owned it? At the risk of “blaming the victim,” it could be that you encounter this anger from men because you have not taken full responsibility for your own tendency to act out your heated emotions with words. (Just a thought!)
Adding to this tension, Saturn squares Mars, restraining your ability to express initiative. Perhaps the weight of this restrictive planet makes it difficult for you to marshall your will to get what you want in relationships, thus you get verbally “run over” by your boyfriends.
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Cool. Very interesting. Jeffrey, can you talk a little bit about how to work with squares? It seems to me that this is where therapy would come in–do you think it’s possible to resolve natal squares by oneself? (I personally don’t think so but I’m curious about your view.)
I think it’s possible to resolve natal squares by oneself. They create a conscious level of suffering, and they are not as likely to manifest in relationships. We need to take action to “solve” the conflict involved between the two planets. It’s just a matter of finding a creative way to make the two planets work together. I have a tight Mercury-Neptune square, and writing about film and spirituality seems to be a good solution. Or maybe I’m just deluding myself (another Mercury-Neptune expression).
That’s a comforting thought, Jeffrey, and something to chew on. I haven’t had as much luck integrating my squares by myself (Saturn/Sun square and all those squares to Venus). Thanks for sharing your thoughts, though.
Hey, nobody said it was easy. I’ve got a Venus-Pluto opposition for sale… Anyone?
Put it up on eBay.
SEriously, don’t mind me, Jeffrey. I’m just a big grumbling crybaby sometimes.
Marly, I know what you mean about therapy, and squares..
.
I understadn what Jeff is saying because knowledge is power…we *can* use our natal charts, I think to give us information on our strengths and weaknesses–then we can at least know what we’re dealing with.
However, I tend to agree with you–not that Jeff is wrong, no.
But, I was in therapy myself for many years.
Now at 53, I believe I can work with my own awarenesses, including the knowledge I do have of my astrology chart.
I am *not* saying anyone has to be in her/his 50s to be an adult and use their heads..
Nor does absolutely everyone have to be in therapy so long.
But, for me without the background I had, which also included 13 yrs of group work, and even some years of marriage counseling, I don’t know that I would have been able to see myself as clearly nor take the needed steps to change what bothers me about myself. place.
I know some folks are more detached naturally, and some were raised to be more independant than I was.:-/
So, I believe some folks, armed with their natal charts would do fine at both working on themselves and/or, taking the path of least resistance.
Not so true for me.
Mr jeff–what are your thoughts on someone seeing an astrologer for guidance–I know you are a psychotherapist too.
However, someone seeing an astrologer is still receiving counseling in effect, no?
LOL Jeffrey–Venus Pluto oppositon for sale.
]
:-)
You are an amusing Pisces.
I have Pluto in my *7th*, and Uranus conjunct my descendant.
[ha! do you think my relationships are ever simple?):-p
So, no thank you, I won’t be bidding on that aspect you have I don’t think!
Hey, Jeffrey, I’ll swap your Venus-Pluto opposition for my Sun square Pluto.
Thanks for the chart analysis, by the way. I think I see what you’re saying about maybe there’s some aggression in me that I’m not owning…I do get irritated easily, but my first reaction isn’t to blow up at people. I just find a place to be by myself. That’s usually when the arguments with the ex-boyfriend would start. He didn’t like for me to go be by myself when I’m angry. He says it feels like I’m “abandoning him” (he just told me this again last night). He’ll start arguing, physically not letting me leave, etc., which just makes me mad and then I tend to either 1.) blow up or 2.)refuse to talk to him until he lets me leave. He’s bigger than me, and I don’t want a physical altercation. In this situation, how am I the one who’s being aggressive? How do I “fix” the Mars-Saturn square energy?
Plus, I didn’t have these same reactions to my first 2 boyfriends. In both relationships, we were able to calmly talk about things and, I must say, I prefer that way of dealing with problems a lot better!
Jeff, re: what Jara said about meeting Venus in Aries men, and the difficulties–I see she also has Pluto in Libra.
I know Pluto is generational, but I find it’s so powerful, that couldn’t her Pluto also cause or enable opposition to someone with Venus in Aries?Or no?
Blah Blah,
It sounds like you go into your 12th house Scorpio moon when you are feeling uncomfortable, which then triggers your boyfriend’s issues. Let me be clear … you are not responsible for his aggression, and it’s not OK for him to physically prevent you from leaving. I was only saying that Mars on the seventh house cusp can bring that aggressive energy into your relationships.
Saturn may make you very conscious of your difficulty asserting yourself. In this case, you are coming up against physical restriction (him not letting you leave).
There is no stock answer to how to resolve a square. As prosperpine wrote, it requires self-awareness. Either psychotherapy or astrology (or a combination of both) can help one bring consciousness to the painful areas of one’s life, and the assistance of someone with a more “detached” perspective can help you to come up with a creative bridge between conflicting archetypes.
You can start by finding “Saturns” to “Mars” against — “Saturns” that are safe, that is. Disciplined fighting, working against walls, rockclimbing, martial arts. That can build self-confidence to help give your Mars some “shape.”
Thanks so much, Jeffrey! I actually have been thinking about studying a martial art, something yoga-like and soothing – maybe tai chi (sp?).
I’ve been rock-climbing before and it was probably the hardest physical thing I’ve ever done in my life! I didn’t even make it to the top because my arms gave out on me after the 5th time trying. And my arms were sore for a few days afterwards, too. Not an experience I’m trying to repeat anytime soon…Meditation’s more my thing.
To proserpine, I’ve often wondered about that pluto in libra as well. My exes with Venus in Aries are in the same generation as me and they all have Venus opp. Pluto. Maybe that has something to do with the anger, too?
I’ll tell you this, I get along EXTREMELY well with people who have Gemini venus like me. TOO well for comfort.