“Love yourself more, that’s all I’m really trying to say here. You need to love YOU first, then you can love someone else in a healthy way not a codependent way.”

that’s what i say too, woman. i’ve heard your voice — now, what are ways to implement it? what are ways & techniques to share with loved ones — that are going to break down these days? what are ways to engage freedom of individual growth… while same time encourage commitment, nourishment, growth between sexes/partners?

that’s true, but the thing is, i’ve tried many many times to get over this ‘don’t make yourself his/her doormat’, ’set boundaries’, ‘communicate’ etc, and it never works.

i mean…it does in theory. it’s always SOMETHING in the middle, you know. it starts lovely and then things appear. whether it’s about the major ones, like having a child together, splitting bills, getting married, etc, or the little details like who calls who, flirting with other people in public, the voice tone or stuff like that, every story has its own side. and mine is definitely not different. as much as i want it to be, it isn’t, because many things have happened and left me feeling very bad. in many cases i made the wrong choice. maybe i was too demanding, but on the way of being too demanding i ended up letting myself for too little…i hope that makes sense.

a small example: in the beginning of my ‘thing’ with the pisces guy i used to respect myself, be friendly but decent, never show too much desperation, like being all over him, i was just nice and a perfectly cute girl. well..nothing happened. i wasn’t thinking of him at that time because i was in the breakups with a Leo (and that was really tough..) so this Pisces didn’t take over me at all in the beginning. i was exactly how you say- not thinking about it at all, and things just weren’t moving. he wasn’t calling, he wasn’t doing anything (i mean he was, but sparsely, once every three weeks, or so). so he was interested but busy at work. what’s in this for me? nothing. what does one get from this? nothing. i mean you have to throw yourself in to realize you’re’ in. otherwise it’s like it hasn’t even been in the first place. (it= relationship, fling, thing, whatever you want).

so yeah. i also said i will make myself respected. monday morning i was definitely up to it. tuesday i missed him. on wednesday i went back to being respected. thursday i was still sad, feeling almost sore. where is he? why isn’t he calling, so i’d give him a piece of cold shoulder and a taste of his own medicine, i. e. tell him i’m too busy? nada. just me and my thoughts. by friday i was all sad and depressed because i still missed him (the worst is, you can’t control feelings) and when he called, saturday night, a booty call, ofc, i’d be on top of the world- i’d finally meet him! i can’t be all mean and ‘cold’ now, i thought, since we haven’t talked in so long..so screw it now, i’ll do it after a while of him ‘getting used with me’. guess what, the same scenario repeated. it’s like being someone’s doll on a shelf- waiting for that person to pick u up, play with you, then abandon you and take you back after a while during which you’ve been uber ranting and depressed….

that’s why my boundaries cracked. im that kind of person who really puts everything in, and i couldn’t tell him anything because he never gave a sign he’d really like me as well in the first place. then if he didnt say anything, why should i, to humiliate myself? and then i just kept my mouth shut when things accumulated, while everything affected me and while i missed him so much. he didn’t say or do anything. i didn’t either. to f*** with it, if i’m getting nothing out of him, at least i won’t give him the satisfaction of knowing i had some feelings for him. (getting smth out of it= having my emotions reciprocated).

so that’s the thing that breaks that respectful boundaries story. i’m one of the idiots who did it, and i guess everybody here did it as well (they’re not ‘idiots’, im just being hyperbolic for the sake of it)….

I have actually been going through a major heartbreak in the last year myself and I know what it feels like. I’ve been twisted up inside and crying for months.

The lesson I’ve learned is that we are responsible for so much more in our lives than we take credit for. We put too much onto others to make or break our happiness. If you are not happy within yourself, no one else can make you happy. They can do things that feel good, they can say things that make you feel good, but THEY can’t make you happy. You give others too much power over you if you get caught up in their drama. It’s not easy to see at first, and when you do catch on, it’s really tough to walk away from. But, you have to be stronger than that.

Every challenge we face is a growing experience and should give us more insight in the future to warn us if we see the same behavior coming up in future relationships. Try changing the type of guys/women you date. If you keep going for the same type all the time, you’ll keep getting the same results.

If there is too much conflict between you, then it is NOT the right relationship. If there are too many differences in outlook, values, lifestyle, spiritual beliefs, etc. then your journey together will be a very, very rocky road. That is NOT what healthy love is.

I’ve seen enough truly “in love” and loving couples to know that when the love is right, there are 95% good days and rarely a bad day. They weather the storms with love instead of conflict.

Every man, woman and child of every sign has their character traits that are good, bad and ugly. Stop focusing on the bad that only gives you more bad. Look for the good, you will start to see the good. It’s one of the many laws of nature.

Set boundaries for what is acceptable to you and stick to them. If anyone attempts to tread over them and you allow it, then you can only blame yourself for the damage to your heart and spirit. Love yourself more, that’s all I’m really trying to say here. You need to love YOU first, then you can love someone else in a healthy way not a codependent way.

thank you for your time anyways. it’s so cool to have someone, especially a Piscean, helping out! I’m a Cancer and always go around the Cancerian questions, hoping to help out.

here’s my advice, by a pisces man:

1) don’t take it too serious. be patient, be kind, make up your mind to “experience _good_ ‘times’”. now, it’s saturn retrograde in libra – we all are challenged to asses our close relationships. it’s easy to find faults.

2) also, it’s mars retrograde in leo. that makes for bold moves – due to frustrated desires & anger.

3) there’s venus-conjunct-uranus, upcoming venus/pluto, upcoming venus-opposition-saturn next week: that is “disruption”, it’ll come to inhibition, frustration, separation.

-> _if_ your “love” is strong & real & rooted in mutual benefit, it’ll grow. if it’s just individual craving… – it’ll end. there’s simply too much energies building up in the skies to continue unhealthy relations.

-

if i may say so: cultivate & nourish your heart enjoying being with him. & use that kind of heart/energy/love… to move on

btw, pisces don’t “lie”, the way a scorpio or capricorn would judge it. a lot of pisces are simply “lost” in realms of mind, no-one ever taught them to master

first of all-
@ JF_1961- you’re right with the clinginess and helplessness and everything. it’s true that ALL men get tired and bored and everything by this kind of women, i mean even i would, if my female friends would be like that! but in this case is different. the people writing on this blog are just normal folks whose hearts have been broken, or whose dignity has been shredded…and they just want to understand why. i used to think i knew it all but it’s not like that-an outsider might be objective and unbiased, but for sure we don’t know what happens behind closed doors and how things evolve that so many girls/guys feel the need to write about their torments. hope you understand what i mean-don’t generalize.

sooooo after a while of not writing anything here i decided to get back for a little update. i haven’t met my ex pisces guy for a while, and i haven’t been ‘cleaner’.
what happened is that we had a little/big argument in which i snapped at him and basically told him, without making a scene and being completely respectful and all, everything that bothered me. and i just ranted and ranted for a while…then i started saying things i wish i didn’t, meaning i said things i thought he wanted to say to me. like he doesn’t matter at all to me, he’s just a sex partner, etc. exactly all sorts of things i thought HE thinks about me. i was inclined to suspect he’d laugh or downplay it, make a little joke and then jump in the sack (as usual, water signs tend to change the subject whenever it gets uncomfortable) but he got all upset and offended over it. WTF? since when have men become sensitive to being objectified??? and in the GOOD way!!! anyways. i wanted to believe him but something was telling me he wasn’t honest. words say one thing, actions another, you know how they say.

so yeah. we slept together afterwards (makeup sex or something like that…) and then i haven’t heard from him anymore. just nothing. then little messages, nothing particular, nothing extremely personal…and we used to have phone sex and hot text each-other. dayum! i didn’t miss him or anything but i needed that degree of intimacy…and missed the sex as well. and was still upset over the nasty a$$hole thing i previously debated here.

in any case. i am truly over this guy (i’m lying) and i never wanna hear from him again (i’m lying again, i would love to see him rolling on the floor in pain and being tormented by jealousy like i was). seriously now. he was a positive presence in my life (up to a point, as someone here said earlier), and i started thinking about getting more of it, since he seemed inclined as well. but then he seemed too eclectic to be read and i just got beaten down on the way. meaning i just got tired and too hurt and too whatever to continue. i’m a Cancer and i’m sensitive and paranoid and need a lot of attention. this guy was just acting all weird and making all these wrong steps i just couldn’t take it anymore. it’s a weird thing with us, Cancerians. we have an excellent intuition but sometimes, when we like someone, we unconsciously project these expectations that totally cloud our better judgment and we hope like crazy, and when these things turn out to be a big huge pile of bull$hit, we STILL don’t wanna believe it, we keep making excuses for the guy and trying to find the good side in everything. at least that’s what i did. and i can never forget about my ’serious’ side either- what if burning all the bridges with this guy will later mean something? what if he’s an idiot now, but in two years i’m gonna meet him again i don’t know, like in a work situation (virtually impossible but i’m paranoid, as i said), and need him, or just need that little spark so the situation won’t get uncomfortable?’. you get it. with Cancerians, it’s ALWAYS ups and downs.

anyway, i am finally getting to the point. after not having heard from him in a while, he slowly started to ‘talk’ again. ofc he doesn’t call, he hasn’t yet met the telephone, but he facebook-messages, invites me to all sorts of events and stuff like that. i just get angry, really angry. do you like me, or not? why do you want my company? what do you want to be friends for? what have i done to deserve being treated like that (he told me some very upsetting things and i felt offended)? and if i’m such a big pain in the ass for you, why do you still want me around?

now that i’m calm and clear, i can see IT’S FOR HIS OWN PERSONAL BENEFIT. this is how pisces are, a$$holes. i’m sorry to generalize but this guy has been the weirdest idiot ever. i mean i used to go like this- my mother once told me that no matter what culture, age, race, background and so forth a man and a woman are, if he REALLY likes/is interested in her, he will make it visible. simple as that and i must say i 99% of the time believe this. if you want something, really want it, then you do things to have it. cut and dry. if he wants, he calls. he’s not in junior high, he can afford it, we have a past together, so i don’t know where the problem is. i was usually afraid that, by going with this ‘if he likes me, i’ll know’ thing i’m actually going to miss things, or i’m actually wrong, or i actually have to put more effort into it…into WHAT? there’s nothing that motivates me to go back and if i do it, it will be like tying myself to the chair and giving him the whip. it’s again, the eternal hoper Cancerians have inside- ‘what if he’ll change?’. and the other person inside says ‘he never did, he never will’, and so on and so forth…

it’s hard. like quitting smoking. you feel the need for it although you’ve told yourself a thousand times it’s wrong and unhealthy.

the worst thing is i don’t feel for him. my feeling is one of failure, of self-depreciation. he just didn’t show me what i wanted him to, so i’m being vain and selfish myself. sigh. everybody is. whatever.

so yes. i just keep saying no to him though it’s tantalizing. i am not going back, our story is over, but he keeps teasing me just to see if he can still have me, and i must say it’s tempting. but i’m holding on and remind myself he’s a douche, and i could have 1000 like him in a minute. i don’t know what’s going on or what’s gonna happen. i have very mixed feelings about this man, i actually can’t even tell what the eff i’m feeling anymore. it’s VERY weird- i don’t feel sentimentally tied to him yet every time i see a message from him my heart starts beating faster. if i see him with some girl in a pic on facebook i get jealous even if they’re just friends. i want him and i don’t.

all in all, i think this is the Pisces effect. maybe that was his purpose, to make me feel dizzy and not knowing anything anymore. flooring me for good, right. well..i’m hanging on. it’s not about him insisting and me being tempted, but it still is something. that just isn’t enough for me, but the thought of leaving the last cookie on the plate kills me.
if anyone has a piece of advice, please help.