When you say “it depicts madness/obsession”, I have to tell you that is relative to what you were accustomed to prior to it all. What I’ve questioned in my life, is what we truly deem sane. Is having the big house and the big car sane, well, we thought it was before this economic decline and the destruction of our environment. So its all a matter of perspective and cultural norms.

Personally, my dear Bionda, I prefer to create my own reality now, and not a moment too soon! I have literally shed all the excess, which I realize now was useless baggage.

I have been going thru a huge transformation process and I no longer tolerate or pretend to simply disagree with the attitudes and opionions as I did before. I have marked a clear line in white chalk for people not to cross and those that cross it I have literally chosen to cut out of my life.

The realization for me that I only will fill my life with meaningful people and/or people that mean something to me or contribute to the uplifting of my life and my environment is the goal. Life is about choices and up until 2 years ago, mine have been completely blurred by our cultural “norms”… which are a complete farce.

I applaud you and applaud you and applaud you again for “putting the glass DOWN”, that feeling of freedom I know well and the slavery to the bottle I’m intimately associated with….

The time has come for you to truly embrace who you are and where you are in your life my friend, as I am trying to do as well. I can tell you this, I am very happy to have met you here. Its amazing to me that we are kindred spirits, I never thought for a moment that there could be someone out there experiencing exactly what I have been – in such a very familiar way. It makes me feel even more alive and grateful that I am not uniquely alone.

Blessings Bionda and do keep the text coming..

I will tell you when – if – it occurs. The confusion is total. I have never been more certain of anything in my life whilst, simultaneously, doubting every single belief I have about what is happening between us. It is literal madness. My psyche has split in two. Again, though – being a drunk helps me here. Having my psyche split in two is familiar – it’s just f…ing horrible. I’d rather go through it for love than for the demon alcohol.

What you said previously “What my friends don’t understand is the transformation taking place and he is a part of it, no doubt about that.” – trust me when I say I understand. All that happens between he and I is in code, in nuance, in the ether. We have a psychic rapport. I can FEEL him and he is all over me, all of the time. People I greatly respect tell me I am deluded. Astrologers tell me it is a Neptune/Moon conjunction(!!). But I KNOW what I KNOW. I hold tight to what I trust. It is not wishful thinking or desperation. I am too self-sufficient and too complete to have to manufacture a ghost-love to make myself feel better. I am quite fearless in looking at myself and my motivations. This is why I am so glad to have found you. YOU understand. To the very few I have confided in (amazing how secretive I have become out of loyalty to him – no doubt this will ring true for you also), the whole scenario depicts madness/obsession on my part and they believe I am too good for him – they look at him and think “what is she doing? In a few months she will look at him and wonder what the hell she was thinking”. That was now a year ago and I remain utterly in love and utterly committed. I don’t care what anyone else thinks, actually. I’ve met thousands upon thousands of men – no exaggeration. This is the first man I have ever WANTED. This makes him the most precious creature on the earth to me. He truly means more to me than every other person on the planet put together. Obsession? Unhealthy? Oh, probably. Personally, I choose to call it true love – the Grand Passion – the finding of one’s karmic soulmate. And so on.

Equality is interesting. When I think of equality with him, I think along the lines of – if he is putting me through the ringer, I will put him through the ringer. Not in a bad way – but with love. Transformation and personal evolution have always been my greatest goals in life and I have sacrificed almost everything and worked very hard to achieve in these areas. What he is giving to me is priceless and rare and I insist on returning the favour. He told me he would not disappear and he hasn’t. I told him I’m not going anywhere and I haven’t. We’re locked in and no end in sight. I want to continue to match what he provides for me and then some – and the bar will continue to rise as we go on and learn and grow and evolve together. This is equality to me – and that I’ve found another person who understands this and can join me in this is a bonafide miracle. I feel sure you understand what i mean.

I could write about all this for hours. It feels like I am accomplishing something – making some ground – by writing but it’s an illusion. We need to go through the confrontation that is coming – and when it comes, I need to hold on tight to the intense rage that all of this has set fire to in me. Our confrontation will be physical. Love or war – it remains to be seen. Gotta say, though – this is the real marrow of life. This is what it is to be alive. After 20 years as a chronic drunk, I’m grateful either way because I am sober. And I will always be grateful to him because meeting him literally saved my life. The rest is a moot point because, without him, I wouldn’t be here at all.

Well – that’s cheered me up!
x

The only downside to that is the stronghold intensifies. This is something you need to consider seriously.

Stay in touch with me…

Yes – I am afraid of this. So afraid that I have suffered extraordinary levels of pain for such a long time rather than allow myself to ‘fall’. I know I will submit – I know I must. Terror is not a strong enough word – I am very damaged in this area. Hearing from you has empowered me and gives me hope. I’m realistic about what to expect from this relationship and I know that I consider the negatives to be worth dealing with. This is all well and good – but the decision must be acted upon and, although I believe I do have the courage, I have not yet been afforded the opportunity to ‘allow’ him in. It is about ‘allowing’, but on both sides. He has blocked every attempt I’ve made to initiate such an opportunity – due to his own fear and due to an overwhelming instinct he has to thwart my intentions. I am ready and I believe he is now too. We are nearly there. Your message has given me much strength and has added to my already TOTAL commitment to having a relationship with this man. I thank you for that enormously. Every word you’ve written – so articulate and so incredibly familiar – has been like a balm to me. My life is about to change irrevocably – in fact, it already has. Shall I let you know when we finally touch?? I suspect I shall, at that point, be screaming from the roof tops so no doubt you will hear me regardless!

Yes – we have a great deal in common. Isn’t life incredible in its subtlety and timing?
x

Breaking up with a Scorpio is almost impossible. Equality is exactly what I’ve been fighting for in this relationship, I’ve been fighting for my liberties, not to go out and hang out with the girls (as he does with the boys), but simply having work relationships or maintaining old friendships is a problem. Letting him in has been hard, because my old friends think I’m insane, knowing me as they have over the past 20 or so years, they find my role in this relationship completely our of character with “who I am”.

What my friends don’t understand is the transformation taking place and he is a part of it, no doubt about that.

Scorpio’s, although close to us in the Zodiac, are completely different than we are, something I’ve learned in ways I’d rather have not. They are not at all thoughtful of anyone when they are upset and I absolutely despise that crude/crass behavior. I find it immature and dangerous. More often than not this type of behavior drives me to levels of anger that exhibit no tolerance for this and that is when I become intimidating to the point where the person must submit or… face the consequences. So there is not a doubt in my mind that this person has been sent into my life to curb my own destructive behavior.
A lesson in patience and love. I’m learning. So is he.

There has definately been a huge power struggle taking place in this relationship and I feel each party need only control himself. Unfortunately, because of whatever exists in his psyche, he has to feel like he is the sun, and all the other planets must revolve around him, especially me in this case. Naturally being who I am I tend to adore the people I love so much so that they perhaps expect this to be a 24 hour a day deal, but unfortunately I am not independantly wealthy and must work, I am a life learner and cannot give up that addiction. As for the other addictions, all but the cigarettes are gone due to fervent prayer and support from mostly him and this is appreciated. With God all things are possible and I believe this.

Leaving him to grow and leaving his growth in the hands of God is what I’ve done. In the interim, I am trying to help him realize that a peaceful and real relationship can exist without suspicion, letting him into my world which he finds unusual. He has not had the influence of independant women in his life to any great extent, and what appeals to him in me also scares him, but this is not my problem to solve, at some stage he needs to realize that I cannot cure his insecurities, only he can. Just as only I could have put the glass down.

We have alot in common Bionda. You are already closer to this man than most women are to husbands of many years. I’m puzzled as to why the physical intimacy has been put on hold. The incredible intensity and passion in this relationship may make you give into or submit to the love you feel, but I’ve gotta tell you that no-one else will ever make you feel like this again. Are you afraid of this?

I do love this person, and will stay with him. I have no desire to be without him, only when we aren’t getting along, so I’ve decided that I’m in for the long haul. I have no regrets.

Many blessings Bionda and keep the text coming.

Jules – sounds like we have a lot in common! Not sure where to start. Firstly I would say he is most certainly my life-lesson. In a nutshell, I was at the end of a 25 year road of an addiction and was as good as dead. At that stage, life in its infinite wisdom provided the one and only thing that would push me to fight for life – the one thing I’d given up on – yep, the love of my life. Your fear of being controlled I can’t relate to as much as I’d wish as I have never been in a serious, intimate relationship before. It’s fair to say my fear of being controlled is so severe that I’ve never allowed anyone in. My chap went straight to my core on our second meeting – I groped at the air after him when we left. By that stage, we had shared approximately 9 sentences of conversation. Who can understand these things? Perhaps because I’ve been alone for such a long time – and greatly enjoy my freedom and autonomy in many ways – I am very very wary of giving it up? This is one of the factors that empowers me in our situation – I love and need him with every fibre of my being, but I also know that I am more than able to survive life – even thrive – without him. I just hope that I won’t have to. They say the best kind of love relationship is when you no longer NEED to be with someone, but CHOOSE to be with them. My fear – which is extremely well-founded – is that once we’re intimate and I feel what it is to have that ‘other’, I will be utterly helpless. No-one has ever penetrated my heart/soul barrier before and whoever does will wield a great deal of power over me. But the same has to be said for him – he is in as much danger as I am. We are both all or nothing people – we are not taking this at all lightly. What this excrutiatingly long ‘gestation’ period has given me is the experience of intense yearning/love/need without any satisfaction whatsoever and this gives me confidence that, even once we are together, I will survive should I lose him – and that I will be strong enough to stand against him should he treat me badly. You say your relationship was borderline abusive – that is not EVER to be tolerated please. I’ve been abused throughout my life, due to my childhood and being an addict (alcohol) and now know that I will never, ever tolerate abuse against me again. If this guy abused me, he would lose me. That is the self-destructive aspect of the Scorpio which frightens me most. However, I have to be honest – I have it too. Perhaps we’ll cancel each other out??

Problem is, we don’t want someone we can walk over but also refuse to be walked on. It’s a delicate balance and, with Scorpios so utterly hard-wired to control and never, ever giving in, the struggle will probably go on ad infinitum. Your guy was a Taurean (any Scorpio in his chart? Sounds like there might be) so perhaps that’s why the relationship ended. You refused to be walked on. That is testament to your strength. Be proud of it.

I don’t know if I’m positive about my situation. I’m in constant pain, really, and have merely become used to it. You don’t choose who you love – love chooses you and won’t let you go until whatever has to be learned or lived through is done. I believe that love is worth suffering for – I believe it is one of the absolutes that must be bowed down to – and, having had a very tumultuous and ever-changing life, I am used to being uncomfortable and longing for what I don’t have. I also have a deep understanding of what drives my man, I think, and feel protective and sympathetic towards him because of that. We have similar pasts and are evenly matched in intellect, passion and energy. We have much in common – we are a sublime case of complementary strengths. Most important, maybe, is that we both strive for and believe in the same things. We have work to do together – this is what I believe.

One question I would like to ask you – when you say you don’t recognize yourself anymore – in what way? Who do you see yourself as now? Do you feel you’ve lost your innocence/spirit/hope? Do you feel you have come out of your relationship a lesser/worse off person? I truly hope not as I very much doubt this is the case. But Christ – love is a powerful force, isn’t it?

Betty Boo – you got it in one. “The intimacy is boundless in this relationship, as nothing else I’ve experienced in my life before. I’m certain that it is not something that I can easily replace, if at all.” What I feel for my guy is IRREPLACEABLE. How on earth can you find someone like that if not through some kind of destiny/fate encounter? How on earth can you be satisfied with any relationship that might follow? I’m not interested in mediocre relationships – hence I’ve been single for 95% of my life – so I’m willing to suffer, and suffer bad, for this man because he may be the only living being on this planet who I share this incredible connection with. He has suffered too. I’m not the only one who has lost sleep and weight. We have both been pulled through this transformative period of hell together – my only wish is that we hang in there long enough to get to the finish line – exhausted, utterly convinced of each other’s devotion and with no desire left to hide anything. BUT from what I have read elsewhere, and from your post, it seems Scorpios become more jealous and controlling the closer they get to you. The more they invest in you, the tighter the vice grip becomes. What I am frightened of is not that he will end up controlling me – this is impossible as I am uncontrollable to the BONE – but that I will become sick and tired of being in a relationship that is a constant battle/struggle. So, it is not actually HIM I fear losing – I fear losing the LOVE I feel for him. The love is the third and most important aspect of a relationship. Once that is dead, the rest is immaterial. I can’t be with a man I don’t love and I would leave.

And God – what you say about the transformation, the shedding of wasteful habits/patterns, being galvanized into action – it’s all true for me too. I am astounded at this effect he has on me. Another reason he is exceptionally precious to me. Happily, I seem to have the same effect on him – it’s as though, together, we literally CAN conquer the world/do anything. It’s an amazing feeling. But everything you say – all of it – reflects how I feel in relation to him. Especially about it consuming every area of your life. Extraordinary. I’ve actually created a vacuum for him because I know that, to some degree, it will be ‘his way or the highway’. I’m ok with that. I have had an extremely chaotic, colourful and exciting life and I’m sick of it. I want an anchor – I want a man who is capable, strong, takes care of the things that bore me rigid and who is as committed as I am to partnership – to merging. I’d lived my life so fully and so hard that I found myself feeling finished and wanting to end it. Have you done a lot of experimenting, traveling, living yet? If not, you must. It is easy for me to give up certain aspects of my freedom because I have always had COMPLETE freedom – my whole life, including childhood which was basically parentless – and now what I most want are boundaries and security. Scorpios are designed to provide this. Is this what you want from a relationship?

You’re right – Libran women do not intimidate easily. In fact, I would say there is no man I have ever met, including my Scorpio, who has intimidated me. What intimidates me is my LOVE for this man – and our awesome combined potential. It is the love that intimidates you, Betty Boo – not your man. You know that he is insecure and needy and loves you. What intimidates you is the power of YOUR love for him. The love is yours. Realise that – embrace that – and it should give you a different perspective. Your love is completely within your power – although it is overwhelming and probably doesn’t feel that way. This is why he fears you too. I guarantee he is also afraid – losing love on either side is very scary. And we Librans are not accustomed to such intense feelings. We are beautifully protected by our objectivity. We Librans dwell in the rarefied air of the intellect, after all. That is why Scorpios are so dangerous – and so good – for us. They drag us kicking and screaming down into depths that we ‘thought’ we might have, but didn’t know for sure we had until we were drowning in them. Now we know! In truth, I am ecstatic that those depths I always felt were there in me and always feared have been penetrated. I feel more alive than I ever have before – and feel like I have gained ‘weight’ as a person. I feel substantial now. Do you feel that at all?

I trust completely that you are honest and an ‘open book’. I’m the same. I intend to stay that way because I believe it is the right way. It is why I am not afraid – I have nothing to hide. You are lucky in this – your man is not built like us and therefore I feel for him. A secretive nature breeds paranoia and casts all people as potential threats. i’m very glad I’m not built like that.

Wow – didn’t mean to write this much. Hope to hear from you. Love does conquer all, you know. If you love him, you’ll stay with him. And there will be a good reason for it, which will continue to become clearer in time. It sounds as though you’ve already gone through sizeable changes and I expect there are more to come.

Needless to say there is no way out of this scenario, I need to face it head on. As I said before – I don’t know if I want out. The intimacy is boundless in this relationship, as nothing else I’ve experienced in my life before. I’m certain that it is not something that I can easily replace, if at all.

Transformation is a given, from the moment we got involved, I deeply admired the way he lived life, and I have changed drastically, to the positive. He has definately opened my eyes to the radical wastefulness taking place in my life and I am happy for this, because it was necessary for me to move into a new phase of my life which I seemed to have been procrastinating for more than two decades.

As it is, the control aspect is most definately insecurity in him. So he truly believes that women (in general) are not faithful. But that point is arguable on both sides of the gender fence. He needs to understand that all I really want is an honest relationship and although he likes to control, he is incapable of letting anyone control him. He comes and goes as he pleases, often without even telling me he is leaving. So what he demands from me, he is not willing to give of himself. So this is not a democracy. This is something I will not tolerate and it causes no end to discord. I need the playing field to be level and this little game he plays pushes every alarm button, and I believe he does it on purpose.

I have lived my life seeking (among other things) a “real relationship”, with a man that could be honest, and still, “rock my world”, and I’ve found the “rock my world”, I’m just not sure about the honesty part. I didn’t expect that this would consume every area of my life. Nor is that something that I wanted. Perhaps leaving doors open to my individuality, which I hold dear.

In this relationship, that is not an option. Luckily for me, my life is an open book and I have not hidden anything from him, he knows everything about my life, and from the very beginning I have made it clear what I need.

I’ve never been involved with anyone that needed to have a stronghold on me in this way, and it has been extremely intimidating, being a Libra, you of all people know, we do not do intimidation, rather we tend more often than not to be the intimidator. So to say that it has been an invasion to my personal space/place, would be an understatement.

I have been trying to let go/or rather, let him in… that “door” (more recently) and I’m certain he is realizing its not that exciting. As it only holds my personal dreams, my work and things I’ve strived to accomplish as an individual, which are dear only to me personally, or so I thought. There is no closet of skeletons, as I’ve laid it all out from the start.

So here’s to hope.

The hope that he realizes that my love is something I don’t give to just anyone.

The hope that he understands that what I’m seeking is alot simplier than he imagines it might be.

The hope that we can just be happy, because that is what we are all striving for at the end of the day (me anyhow)…

Here’s hoping for a peaceful and happy life.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Wow. First of all, I’m a Libra/Scorpio cusp with an Aries rising, also with 5 planets in Libra. And I went through an EXTREMELY dangerously similar experience, but with a Taurus – complete with weight loss and severe depression (I got down to 97lbs). This was over 3 years ago, and needless to say, I was transformed.

I also need that drama the “intensity and the battle” in order to feel fully loved. My friends often question why I pick the guys I do… and alot of it is because I don’t want someone who I can walk all over, and who challenges me. I also cannot love a man I can’t admire.

I finally got out of this relationship after a couple of tries at leaving. The guy was borderline abusive, and I had to leave. Unfortunately, I have been transformed into a person who I no longer recognize.

I now am so scared of being controlled that it affects the relationships I try to start now. If you don’t mind, how do you stay so positive? I read your post, and it is eerie how closely your situation mirrors what happened to me.

Also, you consider him the love of your life – I’m wondering if he is maybe your life-lesson? Like, we all have to go through the bad to get to the good?