How Scorpios get over breakups
February 8, 2007 by Jeffrey Kishner
You know that deep, dark hole you dig after you’ve been dumped? Where you stew in the juices of your resentment and despair for months and months? Well, the first hole of despondency was dug by a Scorpio.
In a relationship, Scorpio explores every nook and cranny of the intimate space shared by two people — sometimes even looking into recesses for which her partner has not granted her access.
As a result, Scorpio knows her partner really well, and if she’s gotten to the point where she trusts him, Scorpio is not willing to let him go. So when the day comes that she gets dumped, Scorpio goes into one of two modes. She withdraws into her own private hell, or she gets even.
You know that saying, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?” That surely must be about a Scorpio. Because she has all the dirt on her ex, she is willing to bring it to the light of day, or at least manipulate him into staying so that she will keep his secrets safe.
And Scorpio’s private hell … she can live there a while, commingling with her demons, brooding over past wrongs. However, Scorpio is the sign of transformation — after she has burned through her resentments, she will be a new person. She may tread lightly the next time a man shows interest in her, but she will bring a deeper insight into her own process. This latter option is preferable; revenge may be sweet, but it leaves a bitter aftertaste.
Comment below: How have our Scorpio readers coped with past breakups?
Subscribe to Sasstrology for the latest articles by email or RSS.
Become a fan of Sasstrology at Facebook.
Follow Sasstrology at Twitter.
Fortunately for all I have sag rising and aquarius moon, I simply move on. Ok Ok.. maybe a few cutting remarks on my way out as they were watching my cute butt leave. But once my butt hit the door, that is it. Im done.
Yeh, totally true once you trust the man and let him into the personal you(which you havnt done easily cos of the intesnity in your persona) and he hurts you, you wanna sting back!If you can’t do this cos you realise it will hurt you more, deifnatly go into a personal hell! Scorpio is so intense but she learns and totally true bout treding lightly next time
It hurts the scorpio soooo much when she lets her guard down and is hurt! I know from persoanl experience! Scorpio has to realiose though by holdign her toung wil only make her their stronger person!
I have sag rising with a Leo moon, he broke my heart, so I f***ed his best friend. Ha!
Holding tongue does make a stronger Scorpio…but I’ve found there’s a limit to this
I was recently seeing a Cancer girl; I said some things impulsively which upset her and she put her guard up, refused to talk to me. This would usually annoy me but this time around I remained patient and took time to try and see from her point of view as well. I put my feelings aside, realised I’d been an ass, went out on a limb to apologise and explain my actions…still nothing, even frostier reception. STILL I persevered and held out a little longer to see if she’d forgive me but today I woke up and realised I’d had enough. She’s now on the recieving end of a very long Scorpio detachment pole.
As very Scorpionic as this final reaction is, I’m not happy about the way things turned out and I’m very confused. I’m trying so hard to evolve and learn as a person by putting my feelings aside, or at least trying to use them constructively to feel for others and not just myself. Yes, I have passionate moods which can upset people but are they so intense that people can’t even accept my heartfelt apology? Especially Cancer…either the guard or compassion and I got the guard. I don’t understand her reaction at all.
Anonymous Scorpio,
You apologized and explained your actions. Assuming that your apology was heartfelt — and it sounds like it was — you did all you can do. Perhaps whatever you said impulsively hurt this Cancer girl so much that no apology would suffice; maybe she no longer feels safe with you. On the other hand, she may just have a difficult time letting things go. Her planetary ruler, the Moon, may be in a fixed sign, for example … contributing a sutbborn streak familar to Scorpios. Regardless of whether this relationship works out, you’ve done work on your end that will benefit your relationships in the future.
What that means I believe in the case of a cancer is that she probably already had problems with the relationship in the first place. It’s not that problem that you need to work out it’s the overall problem. Me as a Scorpio, especially after my last break up, I would just forget about it even though it’s hard to do. You did all you could if she doesn’t chill out after about 1 week then she never really loved/liked you enough to try to make it work. Then again, thinking,give it 2 weeks.
Joshua, that’s a good assessment of why the Cancer just moved on without forgiving the Scorpio anonymous. She could’ve been holding in her feelings about something for a long time and this was the final straw. So he’s thinking it’s this one time he messed up, when it could be the end of a long list to the Cancer girl. And I’m wondering how he apologized. A bad apology could make things even worse!
Example of a bad apology:
“I’m sorry, but…” or any variation of that opener is a bad move. An apology with any explanations or qualifiers tacked on will get the apologizer nowhere fast. An even worse one is “I’m sorry, but you…” If anyone uses this one, he should just hang himself right now. It would be quicker.
A simple “I’m sorry for hurting your feelings” should get more than a foot back in the door.
I agree with Jara. I could see a Scorpio doling out stinging barbs right and left and the Cancerian not saying anything and then he said the ONE thing that she wouldn’t accept.
Here’s the thing about barbs and I tell you from experience: You can really say one thing that can destroy someone in 30 seconds. Or the one thing that can make someone stop loving you. Words are powerful. Just bc someone has had enough doesn’t mean that person didn’t love you truly. Only our mothers can love us unconditionally.
I’m not saying that’s what happened between Scorpio Anonymous and his Cancer girl bc I wasn’t there and Cancerians can also be too thin-skinned and resentful. But it’s a good lesson for all of us, especially those of us with Scorpionic tendencies.
I agree with JOshua my boyfriend is a Scorpio and I am a Cancer and he has not done anything wrong lately but he has in the past and I usually keep it to myself. When he did something wrong this weekend I let him have it and he was really confused so I have decided to try and let it go and understand that he needs to be very social especially with his good friends. The problem that I have trouble dealing with is the fact that he has trouble telling me whats on his mind and I myself don’t like knowing there is a wall being put up, and I would prefer if he let his guard down. Tonight he said he would tell me what he thought and give me some feedback but it was like pulling teeth out for sure and I do not want to feel like i should
I am a cancer woman who dated a scorpian man…great combination in every way with deep love and great understanding. However, he is an alcoholic and exhibits the Dr. Jeckel Mr. Heid syndrom. Soder he was with me and drunk he was in his past with his other life. Cancers are not as thin skinned as one might think.It became so unbearable. Scopios and others who have a devasting divorce or split ups should seek therpy…which will help releave the pain of the past..only then can one enjoy the present and the future. Scopios are so deep..perhaps that is why they hurt so much..but there is help..if they choose to get it and go on to a healthy relationship.
Anonymous Cancer
In regards to the Anonymous Scorpio – Cancer Woman scenario:
As a Cancer myself, I might just mention I personally have a hard time accepting both compliments and apologies, however sincere (and secretly appreciated) they may be. This is mainly because words in either of those contexts strike very, VERY sensitive heartstrings and – even if the intention is good – the feeling of vulnerability is almost unbearable. With a compliment or an apology, gratitude rarely comes by itself. It’s usually teamed with a sense of indebtedness, guilt, weakness, or even a gush of painfully strong adoration .etc So instead of letting the guard down and accepting that someone is prepared to say or do something nice for you, doubling the armour and letting the words bounce off is just easier than dealing with the torrent of emotions they can cause. Especially during a sensitive situation, such as an argument.
When it comes to the apology in this particular situation, maybe something was said or done that created a deep, long-lasting sense of hurt to the crab, the kind that gets someone barred or even shut out for good from her good books. I’ll speak for myself, but when someone who’s uninvited tries to make their way [back] into my affections after they’ve worn out their welcome, I can get incredibly hostile and/or cold.
Due to the extent of her hurt, perhaps the apology felt like an invasion instead of a remedy, which is silly, but, there you have it.
I can’t speak for all crabs, but there’s a possibility as to why that Cancerian acted the way she did. It’s her loss, I’m sure.
A Scorpio get dumped?
I’ve known a few Scorps and this one thing holds true in all cases, male or female– they do the dirty work (the dumping). They are well ahead of the game and as master strategists will not place themselves in a position to get dumped.
If their spidey senses pick up on a waning interest, they pull out the knife and slash it then and there. Hurts like hell but you gotta do what you gotta do.
No one dumps a Scorp. They never have time and when the time comes, the Scorp is long gone. Try talking to thin air. Two Scorps together locks in stalemate, both strategizing how to out-dump the other and the dump gets locked in space.
Phantom baby, like a phantom (ooh)
I didn’t want to burn them personally, nor even their memory because you always remember you liked this certain person, you have to totally kill off the FEELINGS (as you said attachment) you feel for them and not allow yourself to dwell on it, easier said than done, first you have to stop allowing yourself to dwell and wonder and focus on them, this was hardest part for me, I had to actively avoid them for a year minimum to even get any semblance of objectivity back…. this being said, for every ONE year I finally acknowledged & liked a person it took me 5 years (all process combined… ignoring, avoiding, stop thinking about, stop spying on, killing off feelnigs)to COMPLETELY singe the feeling of that out of myself (I did not trust ANY of them or have a relationship, but yes had my TRUST been broken after it was given – me being so mistrusting, I never gave it – I would definitely have actively wanted to harm them, but since I am aware of that side of me, I am very very careful of trusting and getting close to people in general)….now I view them in a “friendly way”, not meaning I like them or dislike them, but that I am curious as to how they are doing, and I with them well, but I DEFINITELY DO NOT WANT TO BE FRIENDS with them, or even see or be near things that remind me of them (what I call triggers), this is not out of hostility or resentment honesty, it’s more a matter of emotional self preservation..and if I finally do move on to someone else, I want to be completely and honestly in that relationship, not being invested in or feeling for another person, but I will always think back on them but more like a photograph captured in a frame, no feelings involved, once they are gone (and since it is so IMPOSSIBLE to rid yourself of them) they are COMPLETELY done, how long it takes to reach that closure depends person by person, it takes me very very long for even crushes
OH Jeez, Scorpio isn't all that bad says this Scorpio sun & moon!
I was with my ex for 14 years. We had 2 kids. One day he didn't come home from work. Forever.
He'd hooked up with a married friend of ours.
I was now single with 2 young children, no job, no real work skills – I helped the ex build his business. Stupid trusting Scorpio that I am never forced him to make things legal. We were never married. Therefore in the end, I got the kids and debt. He got the money. Literally. All assets were in his name. My credit was a mess. In the early years we were less than paycheck to paycheck. Whatever was in my name only didn't get paid.
After he left, I sat here in this chair for three months writing to him telling him why we should be together. During that process I figured out we didn't love each other. Ok, I'm a bit slow. I even felt like I was cheating on him when I started dating a few months later. I've had that feeling with other ex's since then. LOL I have that feeling with a guy I have a crush on right now!
Anyway, I've been a free, happy woman for the past 10 years.
I did not disown my ex. Yeah I wanted him to die at first but that was just because I thought it would be easier to handle death than rejection. Plus there was the life insurance thing.
He his the father of my children and an active, important part of all our lives. Though, I suspect had we not had kids I simply would have forgot I ever knew him.
I don't love him. Never did. I would never EVER go back. But, I still care about him. He's got "issues". I've been "blessed" with the ability to see through the BS to the real person – I even feel compassion for some of them!
However, in the end, I did get my revenge -
Every time I talk to him I can hear his screaming toddlers in the background. My kids are nearly adults now. I'm free. He's not.
And my favorite (OK maybe I am a bit vindictive) – his daughter offered mommy a sticker for "not yelling at daddy today."
In response to anonymous 2:29, I wish I could simply move on. I would no doubt be much happier. I feel like I fall into both categories (my own private hell and the resentment). Clearly I’m a Scorpio, and for the past year and half I’ve had an on-again off-again with a Pisces. There are times when I just feel like giving him hell and times when I feel like giving him the cold shoulder for weeks on end… and I do both.
I think it’s funny…when scorpios feel insecure, they wont go down with a fight. They dont want to feel like the other person has control over their emotions. So once they reach the point of control again, they simple dissappear into that personal hell because there’s nothing worth fighting anymore. It just…hurts. And it’s a totally abnormal, body wrenching pain that doesnt seem to want to leave. I hate it but have to appreciate it because it helps me grow.
To respond to the first question,why the cancer dumped you mr scorpio!
I am a cancerian women who dated a scorpio male.it was amazing at first! loving,romantic,intimate,expressive,trusting.loyal and harmonious-best friends!!
our nights out were exciting.We understood each other yet sometimes his sexual appetite annoyed me as i felt it was a bit over the top,as a cancer i can take or leave s.ex lol anyways it was like i was his princess.
Then he started withdrawing..had things on his mind,wouldn’t open up sometimes ( we hate that as it makes us feel insecure ) he also liked to ‘party’ a lot! Whereas i wanted to kidnap him and have him all to myself at home lol
Sometimes he would insult me with his sharp tongue when he was feeling down and secretly it hurt me although i never showed it-to the point where i felt enough was enough!
Us cancerians are VERY sensitive! we require delicate care and will not tolerate selfishness! It only takes one burning comment and we will never forget it! even remembering it years after!
I started to feel like i wanted out of the relationship at one stage but his magnetism kept me with him.he sensed i wasn’t enjoying the relationship as much anymore and he dumped me!!! out of the blue! the mthr fker lol
my point is….i believe she wanted to end the relationship anyway and your final comment to her just selaed the deal. try to control your temper and never hurt a cancer!!! We will stick by you loyally otherwise and i really believe noone will be be as devoted to you as we can.
To respond to the first question,why the cancer dumped you mr scorpio!
I am a cancer who dated a scorpio.It was amazing at first! loving,romantic,intimate,expressive,trusting.loyal and harmonious-best friends!
you name it,we found it.
Our nights out were always exciting.The secrets we shared,the manipulating we did.We understood each other.I thought i’d finally found someone i could literally cuddle for days.
Then i noticed his selfish side starting to appear! Sometimes he would withdraw from me when he had things on his mind and he would be very silent(we hate that as it makes us feel insecure)
He also liked to ‘party’ quite a lot! Whereas mostly i wanted to kidnap him and have him all to myself at home lol
During one of his temper explosions he would insult me with his sharp tongue and secretly it hurt me very much although i never showed it-to the point where i felt enough was enough!
Us cancerians are VERY sensitive! we require delicate care and will not tolerate selfishness! It only takes one burning comment and we will never forget it! even remembering it years after!
I started to feel like i wanted out of the relationship as i couldn’t tolerate his negatives however his magnetism kept me with him.
He must have sensed i wasn’t enjoying the relationship as much anymore and he dumped me!! out of the blue!! the mthr fker lol
my point is….i believe she wanted to end the relationship anyway! and your final comment to her just sealed the deal.
Try to control your temper scorps! and never hurt a cancer!! We will stick by you loyally otherwise and i really believe noone will be as devoted.Don’t abuse our soft natures.
I am a scorpio woman and I was dating a leo. After we brake up i just couldn`t let him go. I didn`n want to date him again but i just wnted to see him suffer because he hurted me a lot. I started to date with another guy but i said to my ex(leo) that i still love him. Now I have a new person in my life and sometimes i think that this “revenge” will destroy my new relationship. This new guy loves me but i feel like I will never be able to love him. I just can`t show my emotions. (sorry for gramatical mistakes,I don`t speak english very well)
warning do not date a scorpio guy unless you are looking for a long term relationship. Im a VIrgo and been with my scorpio for over 8 yrs. Over these years the relationship was good but he wanted to see me everday for those 8yrs. Now at 27 ive taken interest in being single i spent so much time with him that now i realize i didn’t spend anytime with myself. i spoke with him about this and started to pull myself away from the relationship and thats when the terror started. i was going out one night and he didn’t believe where i was going so he told me i couldn’t go. Because of this a physical altercation took place and i had to call the police. i got an order of protection but it was to no avail. he tried to climb in my window one late night, he started waiting for me in his car outside my house when i would get home at 2am, i would have 35 missed calls, he would cry for me to take him back, and he would come down to my job and sit in the lobby and wait to see if i would come out. My life is still hell everytime i hear a noise in my apt late at night i get paranoid that its him, i feel like i have to move to another state in order to live a comfortable life.
ladies if you’re a good catch and free spirited which is probably the reason the scorpio is interested in you………beware of what lies ahead.
Pray for me
im serious
unfortunately the truth to this all is that we are very revengeful and obsessive. we strongly believe our BS. when we say that someone or something is ours we get to the point of believeing it and actually showing it whether it is by getting even or withdrawing. the only reason we withdraw is because we are obsessive and we plot. We are thinkers!!! we think alot and too much. we usually get over people by getting with someone else. We actually transfer our feelings from one to the other. we tend to say I love you to the nexy because indeed we took the love from a and gave it to b. If you want to know more on a scorpio ask me I know how to manipulate the signs of the zodiac. Lets just say we observe alot and use the information we gather against the subjects. In the end the scorpio likes a challenge we love to show that we are winners! we want to be number one and we always prove that we are number one thats the key to a scorpions heart.
scorpio here w/ Pisces rising.. whatever that means. my boyfriend ( a virgo) and i broke up a month ago. i really thought that i was ok. we came to a mutual agreement and decided to be ” just friends”. that was really cool, my feelings for him were gone. then i decided to still “fool around” w/ him, no strings attached. and that was cool. i lost my virginity to him. we had been dating for a lil over 2 months but it felt like forever. after we broke up, we had a ” one last time” thing. it’s just now hitting me after a month that i’m not w/ him anymore
i didn’t know how much i loved him till it was over. i’m going through HELL!! BUT I WANT HIM BACK NOW!! i will change for him.
I was ready to marry him…
He became abusive and decided to cheat, so i f***ed his brother and told all his friends he had a small dick and was s*** in bed.
Yeah its mean but whatever… i use sex to move on from my relationships though, sex that doesnt mean anything but gets my mind off of everything.
queendesade- Thanks for the info, I was wondering when you said that you guys transfer feelings a to b… are the feelings genuine for b, or does b not stand a chance and is just a “rebound”
Ive been talking to a scorpio man for awhile now. we talk almost everyday all day, and we get along real well. We are very sexually attracted to each other, but of course, I do not know his emotional attachment. He gets kinda clingy when we talk and he probes a lot. But for the past day or two he hasnt been as probing. Its making me wonder if hes still interested. We talked constantly for the past 2 weeks except these last day or two…
its frustrating. He also just got out of a relationship, so thats why i asked..
:] i get this.
i’ve said some bad things about my exes, but not to the point where i’m breaking their trust. i’ve remained friends with some of my exes. the person i fell hardest for was a leo boy. what a mistake!! we infuriated each other && the breakup was mutual. all lust with no trust. i’ll keep his big secrets, but i sure have pissed him off && taken my anger out one way or another.
i have my revenge now tho. i’m with his older brother, a capricorn.
ive had my share of revenges haha..ima scorpio chick…and when i aman does me wrong im sorry but he must pay…i dont do anything physical or crazy..but i like to get to know theyre best friend a lil more = p ha…
hie
who eve is readin this post beware of scorpios.. they are all about themselves.. they are soo selfish adn they will get the best of you.. adn take advantage of you without lettin you know.. they are powerful and manipulative.. i think scorpios are selfish in love and deserve to be hated becasue they can really make someone’s life hell. when they have no rights over other people’s life.. if you dont’ believe me then whoever is having relationship with scorpios, don’t give them what they want. and see how quick they leave you.. adn its all about their bloody games. i had a relationship with one.. and that wil be the last.. he would take from me but never give. he would hurt and blame me so that he can feel good about himself. he will be jelous for no reason.. he will use their charm to manipulate you adn put you in control. he will cheat as they are famous with double standarts. he did too adn then when he wanted to leave me. he dumpted me and as he was scared of me being happy without him he also made me suffer making me jelous adn bringing hot grils around me adn makin me suffer so bad.. so if you want to be with scorpios get ready to be in heall becasue its that you are being their slaves.. adn they are only concerened with themselves and you come in the last of their list.. they are very hateful creatures.. i wonder why did god created such hateful scorpio people both girls and boys. i hate themm.. to death. because that’s what they deserve from my experience…
good luck and beware of selfish scorpios…….
sms i know how you feel EXACTELY. I know where you’re coming from.
I am a victim myself.
i guess even the same thing happened to us
I do the dumping. One fella, however, (a taurus) did infuriate me by trying to leave the relationship cowardly, i.e. unreturned phonecalls, dissed plans, rumours of an ex…. so, all I said to him was, ” never contact me again because I will remember this” and “How dare you? I trusted you.” Needless to say, after he left my house he crashed into a deer completely totalling his car. Thankfully, he was allright (I certainly didn’t wish him hurt!) But, to this day, he blames all his bad luck unfoundedly on moi, whom he calls a “succubus”…(from what I hear, ’cause I don’t talk to the punk).
I am a leo sun, with scorpio rising and cancer venus. I was recently involved with a cancer man and HE said I was too emotional!
For one, he’s just way too lax about the drama in his own life (all of a sudden he’s being summoned to take a paternity test b/c some ex-gf of his needs child support and can’t figure out who the dad is). I freaked out and he got mad at me!
Yes, I can see where he thinks I’m psycho- I told him I’m keeping his stuff so he has to come talk to me about our issues(scorpio rising- I dwell on things forever!), it’s like pulling teeth to get me to apologize for anything (leo sun), and once things are better I go right back to taking care of him and babying him to distract from and compensate for any short-comings I might have (cancer venus).
Cancer men are so moody but so am I and I know it! I’ve always dealt with men who are more patient with me (virgos mostly hahaha), and maybe my cancer man is right to assume I “crack the whip and wear the pants” in all my other relationships.
There’s never enough room for 2 drama queens!
Whenever I’m dumped before I feel like I’ve been given a good enough chance, I always pull the “okay, let’s be friends” card and continue trying to seduce them. It’s probably not the best idea, but I can’t help it. After a while I lose interest, especially if they start to show an interest back, and move on.
Dramatoso Scorpioso says:
“A Scorpio get dumped?
No one dumps a Scorp.”
*clears throat* hehehehehehe
This Cap not only dumped her Scorp (Caps get the jump too and we are far more insightful than Scorps would like to think), but I dumped him on the curb, rolled over him, reversed, rolled over him again, then I rolled…you get the picture.
Yes, of course he got me back. The sting isn’t so bad, especially when you already know it’s coming whether you do anything wrong or not.
My Scorp is a male version of me. He told me last month he already planned my death so I shouldn’t even worry about anything.
LMAOOOOOOOO
I told him I hadn’t got that far, but he can rest assured he will never see it coming. I will serve him steak and lobster and take him out as he swallows it. Plan my death will you…
@dominored: wow “Plan my death will you…” hm ?
that’s just what he wants you to do.You fall into the device he arranged for both of you.Remember, Scorp is the sign will sting themselves to death as well but they have to take the target with them too.Of course, this is unevolved Scorp.The wise one will forgive and smile at you because you’re such a cute person
This is by far the most interesting page. Of course ill be back to comment alost but i thank all of you for being so open about your feelings.
actually ill do it now i guess.
First i’d like to say that of course i am a scorpio. then theres the whole getting dumped. Ive only been dupmed a few times but since then i guess you could say if i tire from a relationship or i think its better for the person witch is always the case i find away for them to let go of me. For example i dated a cancer and her parents and friends were giving her a hard time about dating me and besides that were young and distance was an aparent issue. So i let her go and ohnestly i loved her moer then ive loved nything witch is why i need some cancer wemons help on heping her move on.
Also i do believe we are cruel at times bt i also bleive we reflect what were shown and most people wont like that. In al ohnesty the only time i seem to hurt someone is if i care otherwise i just dont think abyones worth the trouble. I mean go ahead stay awake trying to get to me. i know what i am. well ill ill talk mre later for now i must sleep.
intriguing. Years ago I definitely hated breaking up with my relationships and ended up in personal hells or in a vindictive rage. Then I realised life goes on and life itself is far more interesting and varied than one person who is no longer ever going to be with you again. Even if they do then it will be different as it is a different time, you’re older and hopefully wiser.
recently the broken relationships with girls and mates of mine mean less to me than in the past. In fact it helps to give me time to reflect and move onto something better.
Not sure if anyone else experienced this but there was a time when I thought that everything good about my partner’s personality and life was down to me. Lol. Arrogant and controlling. Thankfully I realised what an ass I was being and just do the best I can and realise everyone makes mistakes and things run their course.
When an ex dumped me years ago she ended up calling and texting me a few weeks later and being a mug I went to see her even though a new girl was expecting to see me. A complete waste of time as she just wanted to make sure I wasn’t seeing anyone as her new relationship ended. After that i’ve always vowed that if a relationship is over it is over. If an ex interests me years later then I weigh up the pros and cons to see if it is worth It.
I’ve never been the type to stalk an ex or anything and always return all of their stuff on their door step with a note saying good bye. Easier to move on when you don’t have to see reminders.
Dramatoso Scorpioso
This Cancer here dumped her Scorpio, and guess what. He came back again and again.