How do you win a Scorpio male’s affections for good?
January 29, 2007 by Jeffrey Kishner
A reader asks:
I recently had my heart broken by a Scorpio male who claimed he is better “on his own” yet ended it with “I may come back around.”How do you win a Scorpio male’s affections for good?
You’re being led on. Are you going to wait around while your Scorpio ex plays his power trip? If he claimed he was better on his own, why would you want him back? I know you love him, but you also have to (1) respect yourself and (2) be realistic.
Scorpios don’t turn around when they’ve left. This fixed sign sticks around and doesn’t budge, but once a relationship has died, he moves on. If you’re a snake who has just shed, are you going to try to fit back in to your old skin?
Which leads to the question, “How do you win his affections for good?” I hate to bust your delusions, but nothing is permanent. You cannot make anyone love you forever. If you initially win a Scorpio’s affections, probably the best way to maximize the chances he’ll stick around is if you keep changing. Scorpios undergo major transformations at the frequency that the rest of us tie our shoelaces, and if you remain static, he’s going to get bored by you. Regardless of your sign, you ought to occasionally dig up your skeletons to see if anything is ready to be exhumed. Your psychological growth should at least keep him interested.
Comment below: How do you keep a Scorpio interested over the long haul?
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@qqwirky – that’s the problem with email and text, you can’t put tone into it. My scorp and i have had MANY of blowouts and fights from such issues. Wait a few days then just send a short email saying “I was being a smart ass. Chill out. But a phone call would be nice. Call me when you get the chance and remember ….RELAX.” Kinda turn it around on him.
You know it makes me remember a text convo where my scorp flipped on me. It was way in the beginning. And I remember thinking he really flipped out on me where i was just point something out, also about his work and timing seeing me. Very defensive, told me if i didnt understand that he worked nights than maybe we shouldn’t see each other. Well it pissed me off so badly that he pulled that card so soon and so quickly that i tore him a new one and then threw my phone across the room.
I ended up calling him and appologizing, then texting a few days later, then finally one last text and he responded. But that was last time i ever chased his ass around appologizing. They act up alot but just like bad little kids you have to be firm and not back down, even if you’ve been a little heavy handed. They seem to take appologies as a sign of weakness. If you have to politely and briefly appologize but i wouldnt act as if you FEEL sorry. There’s just somtehing about that that irks them in a weird way.
I have figured out that they take an apology as a weakness. I NEVER apologize unless I know I’m wrong and you can bet it’s sincere. I actually explained my Wise @ss email in this way… that when I typed it I was writing it one way but when I went back and read it, it appeared another. Which is what happened. After not hearing from him at all last night I realized he was cooling off so I let him be. I woke up this morning and sent him a Good Morning (like he always does but didnt give him the chance lol) and he did write back with a list of Christmas stuff to do.. which lets me know I wont see him this week. I’m ok with that because I’m busy as well. My question is this… If I back off and give him his space will he take it as I’m backing off? Will he be offended? I also need some space after this stressful weekend lol. His chart is VERY Scorpio. (chart below) I only understand sun and venus lol.
Sun Scorpio 9.52
Moon Sagittarius 21.19
Mercury Scorpio 13.49
Venus Scorpio 21.53 R
Mars Libra 8.25
Jupiter Scorpio 15.02
Saturn Taurus 19.52 R
Uranus Libra 11.05
Neptune Scorpio 29.52
Pluto Virgo 28.45
Lilith Virgo 6.42
Asc node Aquarius
Quirky Aquarius:
No, I don’t think he’ll get offended if you back off. Men need their space, and I think the more we hound them, the more they run in the opposite direction. I like John Grey’s “Rubber Band Theory”: let him pull away, he’ll come snapping right back. If he’s that into you, nothing will stop him. Nothing!!! It sounds like he’s trying to tell you in subtle ways that he needs time to sort things out before he comes back to you. Give him this time, and then see what happens.
Right now, my Scorp and I are temporarily separated because of the holidays. It is hard, but at the same time, it’s also good for us too. I don’t know if it was Countess who said this or not, but I definitely agree with letting him be the one to initiate things! My boyfriend and I went one day without texting each other, and so I sent him one lil message . . . All the sudden, he let me know pretty quick, “Don’t call me. I’m busy writing a paper
”. Later on that same night, he called me when he was ready. In other words, HE wants to be the one in control of when we talk to each other, thus – the one doing the chasing. Quirky – let your man do the chasing! How much you want to bet he probably loves it? 
Give him a chance to miss you, and he will come back to you full force.
I think Scorps love a good mystery. He doesn’t need to know what you’re doing most of the time. Keep him guessing. This is a piece of advice I am constantly trying to perfect myself. It can be hard because you want to share everything with him. Mine is my soulmate; I can tell him just about anything, but at the same time – it’s so hard not to reveal too much about myself at once. This is the lovely mating dance between men and women, lol. It sounds like he’s going through a pretty tough ordeal, and he will need to know you are there for him 100%.
Oh Boy… I am going out of my head. WHAT DOES HE WANT???? lol So as I’ve explained my Scorp and I have known each other since we were 15 but just met up again 23 years later. In the first 2 weeks he said he loved me, said I was his “someone” and was making major attempts to plan ahead.. even talking about moving closer. When he backed off 2 weeks after seeing each other I asked him what was wrong and he basically said (above) that he needs to straighten out his life. I totally respect that and its understandable. So for the past week he seemed edgy so I backed off. He called me yesterday and asked me to come see him (an hour away) so I did. We had mad mad passionate sex. He hugged me tight and said “mine.” However there are no more “I love you’s” and I wasnt going there either lol. His looks are intense and making those gestures… is this a players game or is this the way Scorpio men show their feelings? Even when I left he sent me a text that told me he would have a smile on his face all day because of me. Do you think its just a sex thing because thats not where I want this to go. He even made a comment that he was moving to another town which is still the same distance but not anywhere to where he had talked about in the beginning. I’m really confused by this Scorp thing. Thank you
@QuirkyAqua: It’s hard to understand but I think it’s best to back off a little now.He is after all going through a divorce and probably worry about his finance to support his children.On the other hand, it’d be nice if you’d sometimes send him a short message to assure him that you’re still here for him, or just a short mesg of supportive words, I’m sure he’ll appreciate that.The thing here is that he still wants you ,but he’s caught in a personal “storm” and he needs time to sort it out,but he wouldn’t mind that you want to support him, be there for him not just a lover but a friend as well.It’s about distant yourself from him to give him space to sort out thing ,yet at the same time be close to him so he can be assured that you’re there-supportive and understanding, those two things that he might have not found with other women and hence making him a “lone wolf”.
I know it’s difficult but if you still love him then hang on there till the storm over , then you can proceed to tell him that there are barriers he can’t cross, because you can compromise for him, but so can he for you.Of course right now, he’s dealing with quite an overwhelmingly emotional situation himself, so any reasonable suggestions from you would be dismissed quickly.
I have stopped calling him, asking to see him etc. Its him doing all the contacting. We had a 2 hour text conversation the other day… he lead the conversation the entire time. once I realized he was done, so was I. He asked to see me last night I even said I wasnt staying over, however he insisted and almost seemed sad when I first said no. This is why I’m confused… he’s telling me to come to him while he’s asking me to give him space.
Thank you for the advice. One thing I do really need to do and thats let him know I’m here for him no matter what. I will stick by him as friend always… as far as the rest I will take it as far as I can. If I want more later on and he doesnt then it wasnt meant to be. Thanks so much all
Quirky Aquarius
I think you’re right, letting him know that you’re there for him no matter what is the best thing to give anyone. That is the the ultimate ingredient in the perfect relationship, to let someone know that no matter what happens, no matter how many people are angry at them, no matter how many doors are closed in their face, that you are that someone that is there and you love him….He will feel special once he realizes that…I know you will need patience, it will take a while before he can show you but if he already loves you right now, showing him that kind of bond will only make it better and if he isn’t sure that he loves you yet, this could do it…..It can only get better. I know a lot of Scorpio’s and they don’t take that kind of friendship lightly, they always count their friends and always know who is worth standing (even in hell) with, they just know
Can I get my ex scorpio girlfriend back? or is it really impossible to get a scorpio back?
She giving me signs that she still like me.. but i dont know if she’s just playing with me. we going out, we’re always talking but she always says that “I should not expect but we never know what the future holds”.. do i just need to work harder to get her back? how do i respond to this?
Thanks,
Syncopath
Syncopath
If she says that you have to work harder then she still wants you. If she didnt then she wouldn’t talk to you, ever. You have to show her selflessness, somehopw do something special for her to prove that she is the most important person in your world. Think “devotion” that will be the deal maker, if you show concern for her well being and her family, and do it with more then words then she will feel loved. If she doesn’t see that total display then she will never trust your intentions as true. Its very difficult but you have to have a lot of patience with her, one gesture at a time…..the trick is never taking “no” as final with her, if you give her flowers and she rejects them bring her more anyways, it means a lot to her to see that you enjoy trying to make her smile. She will NEVER forget any kindness that you show her, they remember EVERYTHING
dont back off. I am a scorpio. give him space but dnt back off. a scorpio needs you to submit. once he trully believes your submission is honest just and true he will become loyal to you. the problem is it may take alot. something very drastic and not set up. you have to take a big leap in faith and hope it works. you cant set us in a trap we hate to be plotted on unless we know of the plot and consider it flattering never make your scorpio feel stupid after you win his loyalty then you have the rights to tell him when he acting up till then you just goota deal we take that as a sign of loyalty. we no we are not always right but we are always justified. its our justification that adds to are secrecy. you can never have a scorpio until you prove you are loyal first. we advertise our loyalty but you wont get it without proving your worth our dedication… because once we dedicate we are deeply deeply dedidcated. we need to be sure of what we open up to cuz once we are open we are OPEN. it would help you to figure out his definitions of honor kinda like what he respects and wut would he do. my first impression was he dont feel you menataly meet his standards yet. and we turn back just not often and maybe years later proving your loyalty is key to a long term relationship with a scorpio till you do you wont have him
oh yeah scorpios dont play games. either we like you or we dont. and if we break off its to try to save you from a path we are not sure you can handle. we would die for our causes first rather then let another die for us. scorpios dont like to lead others wrongly they have to know its right.. its your choice to follow but i aint gonna tell you to jump off the bridge wit me
There is this scorpio guy that i never use to fancy, he was really into me but I just gave him honest signs I wasn’t into him.
After 2 months he suddenly found a new gf, and they are doing long distance, only a few weeks in. I was happy for him, but then we met up to have dinner and he just kept trying to kiss me etc etc and told me he broke up with his gf, and we ended up sleeping with each other.
After a long night of talks and kisses etc I realise that i do have feelings for him after all, he told me he had feelings for me stil but he cannot just forget about his ex gf so quick…anyhow i do not think they have broken up at all. I know he still likes me, but how can i get him to make up his mind?
This is a comment to the post from Dec., LibraLady is right! If you want an ex-Scorpio girl back & you know she still cares about you. You need to chase after her hardcore & show with actions, sincere letters, flowers, the whole thing – spoil/do anything special w/ a lot of thoughtfulness/nice/sincere/deep & you need to overly do it till you win her trust back. But make sure she still likes you, cause if she doesn’t you will annoy the crap out of her & she will think your a stalker. I only want guys really chasing after me/spoiling me if I really like them. So basically if a Scorpio girl likes you she will let you spend all your money on her & won’t be using you, lol! If I don’t like you, I don’t even want you buying me a drink or anything because I don’t want to feel obligated to you in any way. Even if someone just leaves me (which has hardly ever happened to me, but like twice) & didn’t do anything mean to me but just leaves/ends the relationship & I thought we were close, I will feel very betrayed/lied to, which makes me not trust you. I won’t ever tell them I feel betrayed after they left or act like it, but I will break off contact w/ those who hurt me. There was only 1 guy ever who hurt me bad that it was hard to break off contact, but that was still sparingly contact every couple months & him more contacting me but I still loved him. Every guy I break up with, I’m pretty much still good friends with except some who love/hate me for leaving. If an ex who hurt me wanted me back & never cheated (if they cheated or did anything ever intentionally mean to me, I would never, ever take them back even if deep down I couldn’t help from loving them still but it be more a HATE/love) but if just only left the relationship they would have to chase after me for months & months, put in major effort, really prove they were serious & win back my trust & the whole time I would still act like he had no chance of getting me back until he wore me down even know I know I would give in if he just proved himself & it only works if I really, really loved him (I love everyone I dated as friends deeply even if I don’t like them as lovers, but for me I hardly ever romantically really love someone where I can see them as my soulmate, which Scorpios are huge on that major connection), but it seems only the guys you don’t like ever chase after you like that. Even friends/my sister if they hurt me & I was close with them & they were wrong, they better chase after me for months & apologize if they want me to talk to them again & it depends on the degree of what you did. I will never talk to anyone ever again if you did something intentionally very mean or messed up to me. My sister is very close in age to me & very blunt & she now knows since we don’t live in the same house anymore I won’t talk to her 6 months at a time if she doesn’t chase after me & apologize & she never used the word sorry till just the past couple years cause now I will just write her off till she does the right thing by me. So if you know your ex-Scorpio girl definitely still loves you deeply & you just broke it off w/out doing anything majorly mean to her, then there is a major chance you can get her back but you need to work hard for it & prove yourself. But believe me actions mean a lot & she will appreciate it in the end & be the best/loyal girlfriend if you go out of your way to prove your trustworthy.
Oh yea & Scorpios don’t ever forget anything, especially if you do anything bad to us! And we remember every detail & we store that info. in our minds forever on every good/bad thing anyone has done to us/for us & we definitely hold it against you & size you up on what kind of person you are & how high/low you will be held in regards to us. And you will probably never really know how we feel about you really unless your on a soulmate level with us & we trust you completely, which is hardly none.
I’m in an interesting ‘thing’ with a 5 x scorpio male. He’s put me through the ringer and I’ve put him through the ringer. We’ve both learned a lot and, by some miracle, the love has survived. So far. Seems to me, if you want a scorp, you have to be prepared to be tested to an inch of your sanity. If they don’t have respect for you or believe you possess integrity and intelligence, they will not be interested. OR they will treat you like a door mat. To gain their respect and trust means being strong, resisting being controlled, showing you can survive without them and, most importantly, when they are cruel (which they most certainly will be, as part of their overly rigorous testing process), making them be accountable for their own actions. Don’t forgive all as if you were their mother, don’t try to fix their problems for them – they will go away and figure things out for themselves. They don’t want to be lectured or ‘fixed’ – they will insist on sorting through their own problems. If they make a mistake, it is their responsibility to correct it. Know when to leave them to it and they will learn. If you remain constant but show that you are not willing to put up with ill treatment and expect them to sort out their own character flaws/mistakes, they will keep moving forward. The danger I have found is that I am becoming bored of waiting for him to deal with his own demons. It’s truly too much to ask. Scorpios take a long, long time if they are very serious about you. The higher the stakes (ie, the stronger the love/attraction) the higher the risk for them and the longer they will take. As with my Scorpio. The danger for him is that he will miss this particular boat if he’s not careful. My love for him could not be stronger but, due to his excrutiating, paranoid level of caution, the love is dying. I’ve exhausted myself for a year keeping it alive while he ‘figures his stuff out’ and lets go of his past – there are limits. Even the strongest love can be killed and it will end up being a tragedy for both of us. There’s so much intrigue about how to catch and keep Scorpio men, most likely due to the fact that they DO have the ability to hypnotise their ‘prey’. However, the charm and the spellbinding and the charisma start to wear thin when it’s not backed up with something more substantial. Perhaps it is Scorpio men who need to learn not to take a woman for granted who has, to a great degree, proven her loyalty. All this testing, all these games – Scorpios need to win, sure, but how can they win when they end up losing the woman they love? All I can say is, after all of this pain and effort, he’d better be worth it. By the time he finds the courage to trust me and moves forward, he may find that he’s caused so much bitterness and pain that the love is poisoned, that his greatest fear becomes a reality. Rejection. Loss. How demented is it to make a person hate you before you can believe that they love you? Scorpios demand respect, loyalty, reassurance and affection. I suggest that they try offering it too. Hey – there’s an idea.
To AquarianB
You can’t make him make up his mind. Only he can. He’ll do what he wants to do, with no regard whatsover for anyone else’s opinion or outside interference. i find this admirable about Scorpios. Also, I have to say – if he’s hmm-ing and haa-ing about his ex-girlfriend and you, then he’s playing you. Scorpios, when they know what they want, are brutally honest – another thing I admire about them. They don’t mess about. And, perversely, the less they say/tell you, the more they care.
We scorpio men like a woman to look sexually mysterious. the way a woman looks is only the tip of the ice berg. we like women for the way they think. your thought proccess is what turns us on the most. And the strangest thing is we like to see the bad in a person early. we dont like being mystified by manners and kindness if your nice that is very good but everyone one has faults. scorpios like to know the bad stuff upfront so we know who we are dealing with. We find comfort in darkness and mystery so by revealing your inhibitions you will attract the scorpio man. but keep in mind we dont like bad mean people. I know its hard dealing with us but there is light at the end once you have our loyalty you have it for life unquestionably
scorp -
“I know its hard dealing with us but there is light at the end once you have our loyalty you have it for life unquestionably”
Christ, I hope so. Thanks for the insights.
To Bionda,
Girl you have told nothing but the truth! I am dating a Scorpio male myself for about a year & half, and I am almost through. The constant hot, cold, colder behavior is more of a roller coaster ride than I want. Yes they may offer loyalty, great passion and sex but after awhile the unanswered calls, texts, expecting you to do all the compromising in the relationship takes its toll. I don’t know if I can continue; either way I think I will purpose we take a break for a few weeks.
Does anybody else, have better advise on how to handle with being a Scorpio? Are other male zodic signs this difficult to be with?
If your scorpio man is making you do all the work its for one of two reasons.
A. He doesnt trust you and is still trying to figure out who he is dealing with
or
B. He does trust you very much infact he trust you more then himself with his life.
The best way to tell the difference is to find away to back off with out offending him(this may be tricky) the space will give him a chance to decide and recieve alittle more clarity on his own about how much he trust or depends on you. If he makes a fuss the minute you start to break off then chances are he values you more than either of you may have previously recognized