I think that female Scorpio’s are so sweet when they fall for mad Cancers.

But I have to say, every time I see in the papers or on TV some wonderful, passionate, madly in love, long lasting relashionships, half of the time it turns out it is Scorpio and Cancer! It looks like that, when they finally get togehter, it is heavenly and magical. But, they have to get together first, hehe….

i included him in a mass mailing xmas greeting….no response of course…then i sent him an sms wishing him merry xmas and happy new year…no response….he is yet again back in his shell and not responding to the world, including me….is it including his past ex’s???? have no clue.
….and i am too proud to ask our common friends or his brothers!

kept myself busy, went on two trips during the holidays….and made sure he heard about them through the grapevine!

tried again with my estranged husband….and of course..the same bs even before the holidays….same issues…nothing has changed….bla bla bla…
i have finally come to the realization, as much as it deeply saddens me that he will not change…and I cannot deal with, live with nor deserve these “issues” or nonsense or partying or priorities anymore..

anyway….something was bothering me…his mother joined facebook and lo and behold his two ex’s added into her network.

i am so tempted to write her/connect to her….so that she can see my “world”….and also because i do have a couple of things that i would like to ask her about (completely unrelated to he and i….but something that she owns that would be helpful to me).

just yesterday i had a lovely email from his brother.

but i was thinking that i should wait until the next time that i am in their city (next month)….

then today…he actually wrote something to the general public (he RARELY ever writes anything) 300+ people have all connected TO him…he connects to no one….i kid you not!!

anyway….so he wrote that he “was sad”……WHAT??!!!! now his little playboy friends would write that just as a joke to see how many girl responses they would receive…but he RARELY ever writes anything….so something must be amiss!!!

so despite my vow (and that i was in the process of writing him a pissed off/disappointed in you email)….not to speak to him until i am there in person….i of course wrote a brief, “what is wrong? family? horses? girlfriend?

and of course….NO ANSWER….

then i saw that he erased his comment ….and of course….went back into hiding….

so strange because he can be the MOST social guy and knows everyone…

but i feel like i need to let him know that whether or not we are just friends or more, it is hurtful that i put my soul/heart out on the line…and i was truly honest with someone on such a personal level – something i RARELY ever do….and he just shut me out again….

even if he does not want us to “be together”….this type of behavior is ok when you are 5 or even 15….not now….

but i do feel bad that something is making him sad….sad enough to write that to the general public….

so that is where we are at….sorry not so enlightening… any advice?

Interesting story

There…it was out….that everything was just normal and natural…as it should be…but that if I was mistaken, that I hope that he would not change our friendship.

It took me 4 days to let him know that I left it at his place! So I sat on this island and spending time just writing and observing things, people, etc….the little things in life that so often we do not get a chance to do…
then he called me….to let me know that he read my letter.

He was sooooo happy and sounded sooooo sweet….He asked me why I changed my plans and did not really leave…I did not really answered othe r than…I just changed my mind.

So he asked me when I was coming back (I was only about an hour away)…I said tomorrow….so he told me to call him when I got back to town….

So I returned Fri afternoon but was busy with business stuff, and chicken too! But sent him an sms Fri evening.
No answer.

Ok, so sat early evening called no answer. So then I just called a friend, the one who introduced us, the verifiable playboy just back from NY and London and said I wanted to go out.

What did he think I would just sit in my hotel?! So the other friend said he would pick me up after our dinners since we both already had dinner plans.

But hello?! He did not come pick me up! Now I was really mad.

So I sent an sms to my “speaking to me again friend” asking him if he was with the other friend and if so, to just forget everything I wrote and why can we just not all go out as one big happy group?

Good huh? Um not!

So Sunday lunch, I call Mr. Cancer because what the hell?! I came back for him and now he is wshimping out. He was having lunch with dad, then going to mom so he was not even going to watch Sunday soccer with everyone. His mom’s shop has an upcoming show or exhibit in London so of course I said if he needed help to let me know. He totally ignored my mean sms the night before. Maybe he was busy with work since he has a great deal of responsibility, but pick up the phone and say bye!

I told him I was leaving the next day- but here is where my change my dates fails me! If he could stop by and say bye. he did not!

Now I am super mad. He did his super happy so sweet I want to see you to not talking to me.

Then it occurs to me, he is completely scared of me, of us.

He was very hurt with the breakup from his long relationship that ended about 2 1/2 yrs ago. Even if she wanted him back, he said he knows they do not work.

But now the other week he said to me that starting a new relation was scary.

I remember how he had that super scared little boy face and he is like 6′2! He is extremely serious But I. Realize his fear because he and I would never be a casual thing.

So I wrote him an email after I left on Monday saying exactly that, I realize you are scared, but who is not scared?

I told him he did not have to be afraid of me because no matter what happens or does not happen he will always be my treasured and dear friend.

That I have never met anyone like him and believe that he feels the same about me and that even on the friendship level we must value that and that means picking up the phone to say bye.

I told him that I would never take back what I wrote in the letter.
I said that I realized he was not yet ready to see me but that he should at least write if he cannot tell me.

In a way, I guess it is best because we both also know I must truly decide and take care of my marriage situation once and for all, because it is the right thing to do.

My dearest Cancer boy is also extremely proper like that but despite his maturity about most things in life, in relationships- a true one, he is an absolute chicken. I also did not realize until this trip just how private of a person he is-as everyone tells me! Because he has always bee so open with me, so his opening himself

And sharing his family again was a big thing.
So of course, the idea of being hurt is huge to him.

so, some progress, but not too much.

But I also do know he is not going anywhere and that he does care very deeply for me.

So I must make my world right and hopefully in the interim the ex does not use her feminine ways since everyone has that advantage on me!

Still have never flirted with him or kissed him! Which, when you have girls vying for you left and right is something to contend with.

But…. I have to just have faith that things will be as they need to be. Of course all my nostalgia and years with my husband make me often question things.

But I really do think he is the one for me. He even said that last year I was “obsessive with my demand for getting an answer from him”…but that obsession was good because every successful person had to be obsessive in order for their profession, career, business to be succesful….He actually takes me sometimes over the top scorp behavior and extremes and just knows how to deal with it.

He is one of the most understanding and sanguine old souls that I have come across….He makes me feel safe and taken cared of…without the feeling of being controlled… My own husband is much more manipulative with his passive agressive reactions and attitude, he understands how I am…and just accepts it…but does not really get me….

My dearest treasured friend understands how to deal with me….and just simply gets me….He is also so incredibly humble. He is that strong silent person that people describe….but he does have his own fears and insecurities of course!

But despite all of these re-affirmations, I do know that you cannot just walk away…so I will go back and try one last time with my husband…and now…truly know that I did everything that I could….and that if things are meant to be…they will work out.

Like you said, we have never even kissed and yet it is just something that “you know”…..he and I both need to deal with our own personal issues, because I know that if and when we do manage to make it back to each other…it will be for the long run and not a casual fling. We both know this.

But hopefully not too much time will pass. He still has not answered me again now…but I am not completely worried because I know that he is a person that it does not mean he has gone out and taken up with just any other person…..he himself kept saying that relationships now (at this stage in our lives) take alot of consideration…you can’t just start something with someone like when we were younger…there are alot of things to consider.

Although I have seen a much more serious side to him, I am very happy, because although he is younger than me by about 7 years!!!! I am in my late 30s and he is early 30s. ….because of all the business and family responsibilities he is even by far more mature at his age than my estranged husband is at 40.

However…..his stubborness is definitely something to contend him….but it is just his self-preservation…..his protection. That was what was so strange for me to understand, since he opened himself and his family and close circle to me before and again now…how he could just shut himself off….but at least I understand it better now…and even moreso that he is so open with me, it makes a huger statement….

So now….I will give him space and let him deal and I will deal with my own issues….the question is….do I send him an email/sms/voice message in the next few weeks, especially with xmas coming up….or just wait until I am truly ready to begin again?.

and what is your interpretation of his actions…and running back to his shell??

Thanks soooo much for your advice!

So, I will put things together and see where they end up!

Your advice and take on this?

Thank you soooo much for your responses…..ironically enough, during these dates where you posted the responses, I was trying to access this new format and would have loved to have read your comments! I am happy however, that maybe some of the things that have passed are as they should be…at least for now….so here is an update, and I would appreciate your feedback/advice/intrepretation!

So I went back again, after much time to think about what I really wanted to do, both with my non-speaking friend and my marriage. I made certain decisions that kept each one separate from the other.

I decided that although I felt that my non speaking friend was everything that I ever wanted in a partner, I had not really spoken to him or spent time with him since last year….and my estranged husband was giving me the space that I needed….but I really felt that regardless of whether or not I spoke to my friend, my husband and I despite all the years of time together where just no longer good able to bring the best out of each other and that maybe intrinsically we were just wired differently.

So I went to my friend’s city and called him again….he actually responded. He told me to come over and watch the huge game with his father and his’ father’s friends. Then he said, maybe we should just watch it with our circle of (younger friends), but when i arrived he decided we should just stay with the father’s friends..so it was us and his father’s friends and their wives….talk about being under the microscope!!! but…all was well and afterwards we ended up catching up for about 3 1/2 hours about everything, the past year, why he did not talk to me for so long (he said that I reached a point where I was just pushing for an answer and he could not give it to me….and the more that i pushed the more that I closed off)…makes sense!

But that he has the ability to just shut himself off was not something that i really realized before. Sort of as a side note, I met this girl, who grew up with him, and is a good friend of one of my best friends in another city…she told me that he always just goes off in his “own little world…and that he never calls females or brings them around with him…only his girlfriends”. ….so although last year, I saw the very social side of him, I did not really realize just how private of a person he is….because he involved me in every part of his life….but that was because we just fit…..we have some much in common and at the end of the day, emotionally, we just understand and connect with each other.

In our catch up talk, he told me that his ex-girlfriend wanted to get back together, but that although she broke his heart, he did not think that they would work out because they wanted different things. There was also another new girl and when I asked how that was going he said he did not think that would work either…We talked about where I was in my decision with my marriage…we talked just as best friends do.

Then the next afternoon he picked me up and we went to see the new horses. At the stables everyone was commenting on how it was great that I was back because his best riding was when I was there last year and that maybe now he would start again….Of course, comments were made left and right about how great it was that I was back and that he was back again too.

Then he just planning things for us to do for the next few days, the horses, sailing, setting up someone for me to play tennis with, etc….

then he drops the biggest surprise….he says, “and I think we should go by my mother’s atelier….it is a project that she has taken up again and I think you would really like it ( it was an antique book restoration workshop and all these amazing handmade artisanry book and writing productions)
which is something about me that we never really talked about – most of all of our common hobby loves are about horses, ocean-water sports, and sports…but the writing and books is another side of me that is also really me…see….he gets me and understands me without really even knowing…he knows….

This latest one floored me….and also was a little different because although I spent time with his father, father’s girlfriend, his brothers, cousins, childhood friends…etc…this is his mother.
footnote to this…his mother and father separated when he was 18 so I think that this and his 1st serious girlfriend breaking his heart has someone really deeply affected him.

it was as though the past year never happened. On the way to the stables he kept talking about how he did not think he was ready for a relationship, that he found his “equilibrium without having a girlfriend in the picture…and that putting someone new into the mix unbalanced the equation”….but I never asked him why or why not he was not serious with someone! but I understood that he was in a place where he was happy (altho he said that of course I have been happier, right now I am in a place where I have found this balance and am at peace with myself)….so although this guy knows like everyone in so many places, cities and countries…he is in this quieter state of mind….which is exactly what I have been doing for the past 2 months….finding a balance and peaceful state of mind and being in my head (I went to the middle of nowhere for about 2 weeks before just seeing him now and it was exactly what I needed).

Then, I saw though that after the stables he was extremely confused. We were both so happy at the stables and I said something about “just how perfect everything was”….he agreed and said that that was the key, “keeping the equiibrium”…that is the thing…everything about our lives just fits and makes sense.

Then he kept talking about how things in a relationship need to be natural and normal, that things should not need to be forced…..which of course I agreed on….but he was extremely contemplative on the drive back….I could see his confusion, but I let me pride and vanity get the better of me…sort of as payback for him not speaking to me for so long and being ok with that.

Then, the next day, he took me to his mother’s store. When he picked me up was definitely disconcerted…he even called my other cell phone and when I asked why, he said, “I’m a mess”….of course, i still prentended not to know why. Then when we had lunch he went on and on about how things needed to grow step by step so that you build a foundation for things to last throughout the years and time and that you have a solid foundation…..we were talking about business

of course I absolutely fell in love with the shop and the work ….his mom is amazing and an absolute little dynamo – completely different than I imagined her…I thought she would be very tall, more aloof, like him (he’s like 6″2″ 3….she is actually small like me – 5′2″ – 3″….and a SCORPIO!!! ahgaaahahaha..

anyway….it was great….yet one more sign that said, “yes, this is the person for you”.

So here we are once again, spending everyday together…except he was visibly confused and I let him be and pretended to not understand why……so I decided that I would finally tell him the next day….

Then he cancelled our plans to see each other and said he needed to just stay home….then the next day he told me he was going to go out of town (to the city where his ex girlfriend and the new girl lived!!!!)….completely out of the blue….he does not just leave in the middle of the week!!! eventhough it is his own company, he usually does not do this…just get up and go…that is ME!

so when I told him to stop by my hotel to say goodbye to me since I was leaving at the end of the week, he said “No…it is late now”. next time.
I literally felt like he was running away from me and running to them. Surely, either if not both of the girls heard that I was back in town and that we were going around and spending time together again…

they unfortunately have the physical female advantage with him because I had still never even flirted with him or let him know that I thought he was desirable….and now he would not say good bye to me! after planning things for us to do, things to make me happy…he just left…and pulled a me!

So then eventhough I was going to leave, luckily I did have some unfinished business matters that I had not taken care of (so I could justify coming back) and I went off to a nearby island…

Upon further reflection, I have a concern, and I don’t want to encourage without bringing some things to light for your consideration. You didn’t seem to indicate feeling any sense of ambivalence, disorientation or danger with him, so I assumed that only his signals were frustratingly confusing, and I made some allowances for him feeling vulnerable and shy (only *some* allowances though, because once you make it clear that you have more than platonic feelings for him, he’s going to need to be able to bring himself to deal with you more equitably if he would like you to consider a relationship with him).

It should be noted that people born under every sign are at different levels of evolution, and therefore manifest more of the lower characteristics or the higher characteristics of their sign. I don’t know where your Cancer is on the scale. Before you decide for sure that he is the man for you (or the man for you *right now*), I wonder if you have had a chance to get any idea? You didn’t seem alarmed, but what is your sense? Is it all clear or are you a bit uneasy about anything?

1. While his behavior could have been shy and retreating simply not knowing what to think of your interest level and wanting to be sure before he felt comfortable speaking too much with you because he feels you’re too close. So he may have been doing the cautious crab thing trying to coax you out of your hole, so he could feel you out and figure out how you really feel about him, uncomfortable dealing with you until he’s sure. (which is not exactly the best way to go about things, but people will have some quirky ways).

But what concerns me more is that it also could have had an angry tone underneath it, not just a cautious one.

2. Now if he was a little frustrated because he *knew* you were withholding your true feelings and brushing him off, I can understand him being annoyed, and feeling perhaps that if you couldn’t be honest and forthcoming with him, he’s not sure he can trust you to be someone who could take care of his feelings. And maybe he’s trying to give you “opportunities” to get mad and finally tell him how you feel. (Again not the greatest… the games people play – sometimes almost unconsciously)

3. BUT if he doesn’t know that you want to be with him, and he’s *angry and resentful* that you only want to be friends, and is actually trying to upset you to *retaliate* for only being able to be friends with him (which may not be the case), then you might be looking at one vindictive Cancer. If he’s *angry and resentful* and trying to *manipulate* you into believing that he won’t speak to you unless he gets a certain type of response – keeping you on a string, then you might be looking at an angry, controlling Cancer. If these are the case, then I’d be concerned that this could grow and manifest in unhealthy (read ‘harmful’) ways down the line.

I don’t claim to be any sort of Cancer expert, but I’m wondering if maybe the first two scenarios might be relatively normal, non-problematic and indicative of Cancers who are more evolved, and the third scenario indicative of an unevolved Cancer? (I was reading another comment earlier by a healthy-sounding Cancer male in a balanced Cancer-Scorpio relationship.) Perhaps some Cancers out there can give some perspective on this??

It just occurred to me that I thought I read that your friend said he felt darkness that you seemed to melt away… or he was in a dark place that you made bright. Well that’s really something to think about. If a man has darkness in his soul that he does not know what to do with and expects you to be the one who always makes his own darkness go away, then when normal challenges arise, you might be seen to be contributing to the darkness. And if his darkness is real darkness and you have an angry, controlling, vindictive man, at some point you will begin to *feel* his darkness.

As I noted earlier, there seem to be traces of passive-aggressiveness there. If so, I don’t know how serious it is. Just know that I’ve looked into P-A online in forums, and it has torn some couples lives apart.

You’ll have to check your comfort level and be the judge of the above matters. It might help to look at your charts and houses. Maybe Jeffrey can help? There are also lots of computer-generated reports out there that when examined together, can shed a lot of light on your relationship, but I doubt the appropriateness of specifically referring them here.

I’d take it slow because the Cancer-Scorpio connection can be so emotional and deep you don’t even have to have sex to touch a nerve. Keep your Scorpio antennae up to figure out what you sense is going on and how much character he has. If you think it’s worth approaching him and cutting through that smokescreen by sharing some of your feelings, then…

If after you are honest with him about your feelings, and after you talk with him about communicating better with you (that you will try to be mindful of his moods, but that even if you seem a bit reserved, it’s really only your manner and that you really feel a lot for him – to try not to take it personally, but to please tell you if he’s feeling alienated so you can clarify your intentions and give reassurance, because you really do care, and that he should not expect you to read and respond to subtle hints and confusing double-agendas)…

If after this, he ditches you, let him be gone. if it’s meant to work out down the line, then it will under better circumstances.

Or if you experience more of this type of behavior even now in the early stages when he should clearly *want* to try to accommodate you and work at seeing if you can get off on the right foot, then while you might want to remain warm, kind and approachable, letting him know you really do care, but also think about telling him you need to step back a little, until he’s ready and able to work at being more cooperative with you. That it is not because you are mad at him – nothing personal against him – but that it will be absolutely necessary if you two are even going to have a chance to make something healthy work.

If you’re sensitive enough towards him and important enough, he should make the effort if he thinks he can hack it (albeit perhaps in a bit more of a subtle way than others). Just make sure you feel respected.

If he wants something more in terms of how you communicate sensitivity to him, it’s not fair for you to have to be running around in circles behind him repeatedly – he will have to eventually come to a place where he’s willing to at least try to articulate his feelings to you. If he can’t, (because some people can’t do that very well) then that might be fine too if he’s at least willing to work with you, level with you and look at doing something about it. (Most people have some type of issues. That is what therapy is for.)

Try to be understanding and sensitive, but be clear about your feelings and intentions, and don’t let him mistake your strength for weakness.

Hope this helps round it out some.

“…we like and respect a powerful man who knows what he wants, and who, if we are important to him, will go out on a limb and show us that he has to have us.”

Firstly, we (at least I) respect honesty, integrity, reciprocity and a high standard of behavior. So when I say we respect a “powerful” man, I do not mean powerful in terms of “show” or control of others, but rather in terms of inner strength/integrity, resolve, responsibility and respect for others.

Therefore, when I refer to a man who will go out on a limb and show us he has to have us, I do not mean this in any obsessive way that violates boundaries or dominates because he simply *has to have* us.

Rather, I refer to a man who shows integrity by being forthcoming, responsible and self-controlled (one whose work is with mastering himself) – one who shows that he sees value in us, and wants to care for us properly – one who aims to show us that he will do his best to do so. One to whom we can turn our attention and efforts, appreciating his integrity and value, and as such invest our Scorpionic will in believing in him, encouraging him and working with him to build up both of ourselves and our vision.