How to end a relationship with a Cancer
November 21, 2006 by Jeffrey Kishner
Ending a relationship with a Cancer is like giving up your baby for adoption.
But, really. Cancer is ruled by the Moon, which governs the mother-child bond, family, food, the home and emotions. Hence, your Cancer man can get pretty attached. It’s likely there has been a form of dependency in your relationship. Maybe you want out because you feel smothered.
That’s all legitimate. But you’re not asking why, you’re asking how.
“My dear Cancer, during the time we have spent together, you have felt like family to me. We’ve shared beautiful moments of warmth and coziness, and I just love your pumpkin pie. However, there are times when I feel like you want more from me than a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship … and I don’t mean marriage. Sometimes I feel like you want me to be your mother, and that’s just not a role that I want to play.
“I’ve brought this up before … as much as I feel two people in a couple should be there for each other, I don’t want to be taken care of, and I don’t want to take care of you. And when I’ve confronted you about this unhealthy dynamic, you just get moody and withdraw.
“So I think it’s best, Cancer, if we go our separate ways. You can keep the kitchenware.”
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so i am a leo and i got dumped by a cancer last summer! how did that happen? granted, it took me a while to get used to the relationship (although his cooking dinner for me on a regular basis was a big perk) but whatever, just thought i’d point out that the tables can in fact turn on you, who knew i’d turn out to be the clingy one?
Marilha,
Your clinginess may be attributable to one of your other planets, perhaps your Moon. And as clingy as a Cancer may be, it is still an “initiating” sign, so a Cancer will take action when it comes to protecting himself and his feeling of safety at home.
My moon is in sagittarius, is that what you mean by my moon being somewhere else? However, my Saturn is in cancer. Does this make any sense to you?
In retrospect, I think I was clinging to the home-cooked meals: pasta with clams was his specialty… This is an Italian cancer we are talking about, the cooking was phenomenal!
Marilha,
Moon in Sag is not a clingy placement, but with your Saturn in Cancer, (1) you struggle with feeling “at home” and being nurtured, and (2) your Cancer ex may have felt judged (Saturn) by you or felt that you were being the boss (Saturn) in the relationship.
Also, with both your Sun and Moon in fire signs, you are not terribly compatible with a water sign like Cancer.
Cancers are ultra sensitive and bruise as easy as a banana. Be very careful here their breakup pain lasts somewhere in the neighborhood of forever. They cry and cry for years and then go into a crab shell for protection and will hurt everytime they see you again…this one needs to only date once and marry forever. They will love you to death and feed you delicious meals every hour and did I mention when you marry them you have also married their mother?
Hi. I just now realized I have both Mercury and Saturn in cancer. I agree with the saturn in cancer scenarios, what about the mercury factor, does that change anything? Thanks
Marilha,
With your Mercury in Cancer, you would be able to communicate on his wavelength. If your Mercury is conjunct your Saturn, however, you may have difficulty in general with communication issues.
Ouch….
This was by far the worst! Yet the most helpful relationship that I have lived. Does the saying that we attract our fathers reign true? As, although I did not know the full extent of my father’s personality, from those who were affected by it….It seems that I attracted a father-figure into my life…..all well and good….but the insecurity part kills it…..This Cancer rushed apparently full on into a relationship which he defined following his own feelings and without consideration for the other’s perspective….or even the wisdom of not rushing into things….anyway to cut a long story short….this Cancer person grew on me…good or bad thing?…don’t know…reality?…yes…he did….but by that time given that I did not consider myself in a relationship…I believe alot of damage had silently been done….though that never prevented the Cancer to persist in his desire for a relationship…however in hindsight after being dumped in the worst possible way for a reason I find unfathomable…I think Cancer may have simply been looking for a correct situation to let the pinch of his pincers be felt and walk away in the comfort of a victim role…..and you are left bewildered…..as you’ve lost something that, though was not necessarily the healthiest of relationships…..a part of it represented a closeness that you had grown very dependent upon…..It hurts…..yet…if you survive it….it strengthens!!!
Don’t be fooled by the Cancerian neediness! Cancers are needy, wishy washy, etc. but they also have a way of making you dependant on them without you even knowing it. But count on the fact that they will portray themselves as the victims (and the whole world will believe them) should anything go awry. Look at Princess Diana. She boo-hooed about her marriage, but she was actually the first to cheat.
Cancers are artists at emotional manipulation. They are exquisitely aware of others’ feelings, vulnerablities, because they are so vulnerable themselves.
Princess Di cheated first?! Prince Charles never STOPPED seeing the woman he was seeing before marrying Diana. I’m glad Scorp Charles ended up with the right Cancer for him.
Kinda strange, the Cancer that dumped me was pretty insensitive during most of our relationship. During the early stages, it was great, but as time went on, he was extremely moody… insensitive… unsupportive… I was always the dominant nurturer and I’m a Taurus!
I agree with the person who said Cancers are the artists of emotional manipulation too…
Whoo boy!
Him: Sun: Cancer Mercury: Cancer Venus Leo Mars Sagittarius
Me: Sun: Scorpio Mercury: Libra
Venus Scorpio (oh Ya) Mars: Libra
My kids are grown, he has none. Two months in, tells me he never wants to get married again. Has not even said he cares. We see e/o every day and talk 2-3 times a day
What is up with this guy?
I’ve noticed that Cancers who have been married before tend not to remarry no matter how romantic and into the relationship they are.
I actually agree with the statement about Cancers are artists of emotional manipulation. I have read many things about this quality in them and know one for myself. It is very true. They want to keep you in the addictive phase with them. When you try to get out, they start more emotional manipulation. They tell you whatever you want to hear and they can and will charm you, then don’t follow through. When you get wise to this then they act like they are a victim and feel sorry for me and may even cry so you will still be there. The cycle gets old. At some point, they need to consider the emotional bs they put others through.
Cancer men are too difficult. I am a Scorpio female with Cancer man (supposed to be a good match), but I have had 2 1/2 years of nothing but whiny drama from the crab. There is a reason they are called crab. Do you want a guy happy in the morn and totally crabby a few minutes later then ok at night, all without provocation, date a cancer. When you argue do you want to sit alone for hours, days or weeks with no contact cuz he is in his shell, date a cancer. Head games and manipulation is all you’ll get. He wants a mama, and if you don’t want to be a grown mans mommy or have a hard time sleeping with someone who feels more like your son than SO, date a crybaby cancer. YUCK! Good riddens, maybe I’ll meet a MAN now and experience adult love!
you guys..
I have a sag sun, gem rising, cancer moon with a mars in scorpio that will NOT go away..
I don’t know what to do, I’ve avoided, rejected calls, stopped replying txts..
nothing works
its evolved from phone smothering to them taking over my internet life as well..
myspace, facebook, yahoo, youtube.. I can’t take it anymore
sure it makes me feel special.. and they’re not bad people, its just that I CANNOT take the clingy cancer moon
im a virgo sun, taurus rising, leo moon..
the only cancer I have is chiron (part of grand cross) and my venus conjunct my firey moon..
I feel smothered.. like im drowning…
im mostly earth and fire, and my chart is basically fixed.. my first instinct is to be as blunt and mean as I can at this point to just end it all..
what’s worse is that this person has known me for maybe 2 weeks.. a bit too much don’t u think?
im thinking they have serious issues aside from this cancer moon.. (which is their singleton amongst the bundle in sag scorp and a bit of cap btw)
I have to rid of them without driving them to suicide or having things thrown through my window in the mid morning..
…help!
how do I do it? I need word for word so I can just copy and paste into a txt!
at this point I believe I’ve lot all compassion!
iM SO ADDICTED TO MY CANCER. IM A PISCES W/ MOON IN LIBRA AND HE’S A CANCER W A MOON IN FICKLE ASS GEMINI. HIS VENUS LEO, MINE AQUARIUS….OUR MOONS AIR, OUR VENUS OPPOSITE, OUR SUNS WATER…AM I WASTING MY TIME, WILL HE ALWAYS HAVE THE UPPERHAND?
you can’t dump them, not if you are a pisces. I tried and his crying made me feel guilty. He won’t let go of crap and they are obsessed with their mothers.
Be prepared for when you have arguments they will always remember how they feel if you did something they don’t like and they will throw it in your face YEARS later.
They are smothering, jealous and clingy. I thought I was sensitive but holy crap. They can be very sweet and romantic but you have to be prepared for the bad side too. If you want someone that doesn’t give up on you, then they are the one but if you like freedom, you are screwed.
I mean freedom like you want to take a painting class outside of the house. Sure you can go! Yeah but not really. haha.
I’m a cancer woman with a pisces male. We’ve been dating for almost a year. I’ve been away for probably 90% of the time, and think about breaking it off often. But whenever I see him I just can’t bear it.. I have to stay with him, no matter the distance!
And airborneangel:
No offense, but the of all the cancer/pisces relationships I know, cancer always has the upperhand. Pisces just worships cancer, and can’t even think about hurting them in any way, even if it is for their own good!
“Do you want a guy happy in the morn and totally crabby a few minutes later then ok at night, all without provocation, date a cancer. When you argue do you want to sit alone for hours, days or weeks with no contact cuz he is in his shell, date a cancer. Head games and manipulation is all you’ll get. He wants a mama, and if you don’t want to be a grown mans mommy or have a hard time sleeping with someone who feels more like your son than SO, date a crybaby cancer. YUCK! Good riddens, maybe I’ll meet a MAN now and experience adult love!”
Real Funny.. but scorpios arent above emotional blackmailing too… plus all the mind f**king games scorpios play are just too much to take.
I am a Taurus-Gemini cusp who has just been dumped by a Cancer-Gemini cusp. Cancers are truly the masters of emotional manipulation because before him I was never sensitive about anyone. With him i feel my taurus kicked in and tooked over. I became the clingy one but i am a gemini and need to go out. He did not want to do that. When we first got to gether 2 years ago he was prinmce charming. He even told me he wante to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me up until about two days ago. Of course my gemin allows me to move on and see othe people which I am already doing but i cry at night. By the way we have a sun together which makes everything okay. My curious mind wants to know these things:
Was i not good enough for him?
Is his Gemini interfering with his Cancer nature?
Will Cancer break-up with you for arguing a little too much?
Wiil he come back?( he has before, actually always)
Also, it seems like we go through this breaking-up all the time but I have developed the characteristics of a scorpio-or any other clingy sign. If you can avoid falling in love with a cancer man..they will send you through fire hoops..
also…i agree with everything everyone else said
they are clingy, cryers and all those things….
but pick a good cancer like one who doesn’t rely so much on their mothers and are not mixed with ficle geminis..though i am one
Emotional manipulators? Hmph! I don’t think so. LOL. Actually, I believe that Cancers live in their emotions and operate out of them. As fickle as emotions can be…their one way one minute and another the next. For those who are less in tuned, it can seem like some type of manipulation, but the truth is, THAT’s where MANY of them LIVE. Take it or leave it.
Sometimes people watch too much TV. LOL.
P
How do you end a relationship with a Cancer?
Tell them, “It’s over.” and stick to your statement. If they sense that you’re squeemish about it or unsure at all, they will pursue (if they want the relationship). Simple as that. Disregard all the crying and other stuff that may follow, because ANY (Cancer or non-Cancer) may do that if they are emotionally invested in the relationship.
Geesh! Cancers get a bad wrap MOST of the time.
Hello out there…just wanted to share my comments as well. I recently broke-up with a Cancer man myself. It was just too difficult dealing with the emotional mood swings, lack of communication, indecisiveness, never wanting to answer the natural questions couples eventually have to ask (goals, experiences,feelings, intentions). I’m a Sag, and its hard enough for us to commit, so dragging your feet doesn’t help your case. It seemed he wanted the relationship on his terms only. At first it was interesting, but several months after re-meeting (we met for the first time 12 yrs ago) he had to go out of town for Thanksgiving, then left for Christmas, and was too ‘ill’ to hang out New Year’s eve. Not to mention he forgot my birthday in December, and never even gave me a card. Didn’t hear from him Valentine’s Day. All this seven months after our ‘re-introduction’. I recently strained my back moving furniture, he didn’t so much as ask me if I needed an aspirin! We’ve broken up several times in the past year, only to have him call me from strange numbers in the wee hours of the morning (they’re nite owls too), never speaking or initiating a conversation, but I knew it was him, I don’t know what that was about!! When I confronted him of course he denied it, but found it humorous. I suspected foul play in his game so I googled him and got a hint of his background and found out he was still seeing an ex on the side. I confronted him, he denied it (naturally), and told me I was ‘in his business’. To be honest this was my excuse/reason among many for initiating the breakup. I just grew tired of the nonsense and head games. I don’t know about all Cancers, but the average Cancer male for me is not worth all the trouble, neglect and drama. I’m more accustomed to a take-charge kinda guy. Good luck with yours!!!
YES DEY R STICKLERS, DRAMA PRONE N ACTORS, BIG TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JUST KICK HIM BAD,ABUSE HIS MOTHER! HOPE TAT SERVES AS A GUD STRESS BUSTER 4 ALL THOSE WHO R TRYING TO BREAKUP WIT CANCER MALES.
Omd I was out with one for 7 years nearly ahhhhhhhhhh wouldnt go away just pretend your pregnant they will soon distance urself and act like a naggin female and pretend and they will back off change your number and move home.
m not going bak in relation wid my ex. i hav suffered enuf bcoz of tat cancer male. he drained me emotionally so much tat it will take a lot of time 2 rely on any other guy
HAHAHAHA to the ‘you can keep the kitchen ware’
I’m a cancer (5th July) so pure cancer if you’d call it that, like not on the cusp of something.
If you really want to end a relationship with a cancer this is how you should go about it … this is how you will hurt them the least even though we’re one of the most emotional signs.
1. Be purely, purely honest. If there is someone else – tell us RIGHT AWAY because if we find out later there was a reaosn you kept away from us we will LOSE it and go mental … honesty is key … its not hard so we expect it from u
2. There should be lots of hand holding and stroking of hands etc. while you are talking but make sure your tone is firm or we will hold on to this that there is still hope. Keep firm always but do get touchy/feely to soften our blow
3. Brace yourself for fountains of tears and emotional howling; we are cancers and this is our 2nd nature! When the tears start this is when you should seriously hold our hands and hug us and say it will be OK and you never wanted to hurt us (this is a key line in softening our blow)
and 4. Say you want to be friends at the end of this…even if over time you fizzle away this is reassurance for us that you still want us even as a friend; in truth WE will probably fizzle the friendship as it will be too hard eventually. Also hug as at the end and say how amazing, lovely etc. we are and how we will meet someone who deserves us.
This will soften all blows, though tears will still come, and you can walk away feeling good about you and we cancers will be slightly reassured.
GOOD LUCK
WINNERS ALL ROUND
I am a Capricorn and I was with a Cancer for a really long time. I had to end it because of the nonstop cheating. I would NEVER date a Cancer again. Ever. They are needy, selfish and manipulative. He had Venus in Gemini and everything else, Sun, Merc. and Mars in Leo. Girls beware when you see those things in a man’s chart. You’ll end up heartbroken.
Sun mercury and mars in leo? Wouldn’t that make him a leo?
o lord my cancer has tons of leo…..plz be aware
dude, i am a libra and just broke up with a cancer. i actually broke up with her several times and she, too, before (but her breakups were “a break” that never lasted more than a day)…she had a TON of LEO in her chart, and mars in Gemini. when we first started dating she slept with her ex and lied to me. so ya, that was a good start. i guess i never FULLY trusted her after that. but now that we broke up (a year and half later) i feel i need closure and am ready to date someone who is less draining and ILLOGICAL! I say illogical because when we’d argue she’d pull something outta her ars and i’d want to laugh. our communication was DISASTEROUS, we were soooo different in our perpectives, it just didnt’ work.
we moved in together, so we have to deal with the move out sadness. i decided to be nice to her, but it’s hard to not desire her when we embrace. oi, i just need to remember WHY we are breaking up…i told her i love her and i want to be with her and she said she needs to grow up (she does, really) and hopes we can be together in the future. sounds like BS, but i believe her.
anyways, i hope my heart heals. i thought she was the One
Sorry, I meant Mercury and Mars in Leo. His sun was definitely in Cancer. Someone else mentioned that previously married Cancers never remarry. I notice too that once a woman has dealt with a Cancer man once, its a mistake they don’t make a second time.
““
Cap man with cancer woman.
I think I’m fed up.
If you seek the warmth of the home, then the cancer really shines. But if you have to do practical stuff, you are alone: got the cancer’s sympathy, her will, her emotional agreement, but the real work is only yours. She simply does not starts things, nor make detailed plans, her attempts lacks strong will.. It’s like an athlete and a spectator. Then, after you finished with the actual task, you have your blind appreciation (blind because if you didn’t do anything you have no idea how easy or how hard was it) and enthusiasm.. And the next thing she would like (naturally not in a selfish manner, she really think that you will be happy with that as she). And you also get her need to above the finished task: you have to show your love and emotions the way she would like – like you’re a cancer and not a cap..
It’s like an untouchable goal, to make the cancer fully happy, to help her to overcome her fears, etc.
But after some years, you know that if you leave, you ruin her because it’s like you make someone’s very rich, let her/him accustomed to it, and finally set her/his account to zero, and throw out to the street.
Ideally she would fell in love with someone else, and then let you go.
But as a cap, you maybe want to know that she’s in good hands, because she deserve it.
immm
this is sooooo dammm true Goat im a capricorn 2 born Jan 9 and my girl is a cancer born 25 june she is every thing that you talked about im sick of all her s*** i want out
Oh gawwd… All of the comments I’ve read about the Cancer are SOOOO true.
He has: Sun in Cancer, Moon in Aquarius, Virgo Rising, and Venus in Leo.
I have: Sun in Libra, Moon in Libra, Taurus Rising, and Venus in Scorpio.
For the most part, we get along well (only when we don’t talk about feelings, our relationship, goals, etc.). We were friends at first, but I started to have feelings for him and mistakenly told him.
Now, after about five months, I am daily asking myself if this is a healthy relationship for me because everything has to be on his terms. He decided when it was appropriate to kiss, hold hands, and sleep in the same bed. He will not have sex with me because he “isn’t ready”, and that is difficult for me because with Taurus Rising and Venus in Scorpio, I have to have relations with my partner in order to feel the connection. Of course my explanations fall upon deaf ears and I get the “I guess I have to put out every night just to be in a relationship” and silent treatment.
I get tired of having to deal with the guilt trips and emotional mood swings. It’s like Cancers want their partners to be silent butlers who cater to their feelings, moods, insecurities, past hurts, etc. without having an opinion or voice of their own. And anytime that voice comes up to discuss an issue, you have to deal with that “I just want to be left alone because everyone expects something of me”. WHAT CRAP!
I always get sick of having to hear about what things “the ex” did and constantly being compared to “the ex”. These creatures hold on to everything that has been done to them in the past; every hurt, every harsh word. Unfortunately, we have to pay for it as their current partner. Any future relationships will pay for “the horrible things” we’ve said.
It made me laugh reading about the tears and emotional outbursts when the talk of ending the relationship comes up. I see that all the time, and I’ve said it will come to the point where my compassion will run dry and I will be cold and uncaring.
I do love this Cancer and sometimes he can be such a little boy and so compassionate, but those small very loving moments, come with the price of having to cater and not say anything in opposition.
My advice is that anyone thinking about dating a Cancer, you should really consider your emotional stability and how you feel about having a relationship in your life. You will spend nights alone when they are in one of their moods, you will not get much back when you express feelings, but you will get many gifts that were perfectly chosen for you, and at the a time when you really need to get it.
Just say your dumped, Cyer! (from a triple fire sign)
All you men complaining about Cancer women are completely bonkers….If you realized something at the very beginning of the relationship youd be happier guys now. She needed you to need her. To a Cancer that is pure bliss, I know because we Libra girls are the same…If you need me then you must love me, if you dont need me then you dont like me….it may seem childish but when a Cancer is trying to one up you in a conversation or tell you they are right and you and your wrong, the message is really, see I was right, why dont you need me you fool? I deserve to be valued. Too bad men cant see it as easy as women can, women can see it in Cancer men LOL but you guys…I feel sorry for you, when you lose a Cancer woman, youve just lost the most loving soul in the world, and why? because you never said ” Hey, I need you”