Aquarius man acting very distant
November 17, 2006 by Jeffrey Kishner
It’s not an act, honey. Your Aquarius man is very distant.
Aquarius is an air sign. This element is associated with the mind. Like his brothers Libra and Gemini, Aquarius is not very in touch with his feelings.
In addition, the Water Bearer is ruled by Uranus, a planet that is literally and figuratively not of this world. Your guy feels at home thinking about the sky (astrophysics, astrology), not mundane earthly matters like intimate relationships. In fact, he’s just not that into … intimacy (thought I had you there!). The collective, the group — he does care about humanity, but he is concerned by virtue of his objective distance.
Aquarius is also an independent sign. He does not like to be fenced in. And since Aquarius is an unyielding fixed sign, your very act of pushing him to be emotionally present with you rings his alarm. In response, he becomes stubbornly closed off to you.
What to do? Give him some space … he’ll show up for you when he’s had time to sort this out in that brilliant noggin of his.
Comment below: How have you dealt with a distant Aquarius man?
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Thanks Countess
I was so releived when I read your advice 
I just have to wait, and it wont drive him away if I get too busy to write to him sometimes 
thank you
I did write to him this morning, just a couple of lines telling him I love him and miss him just incase he might think Ive lost interest, I wouldnt want him to think I stop loving him because hes busy, but I am going to only email him once in a while now, Just to catch his attention once in a while, the truth is I cant move on, I love him strong enough to wait a long time, I just didnt want to be a fool
I’m sure this advice was given a hundred times but I missed it. When an Aqua man acts distant, is it better to leave him alone, wait until he contacts you or do you contact him and remind him you’re still alive?
@LibraLady – i’m happy i was able to shed some light. And its quite possible any aqua men you asked about this just didnt know what you were talking about as if you were speaking chinese to them because we dont always see what we do and how it appears to other people. Or they just may not have been able to artiqulate what it is to do, because even though we’re intelligent, it’s very difficult for us to understand and express abstract concepts like emotional behavior. We’re just kinda like “whaaattt?”
And yes, i’m quite sure one of the things that attracted him to you so openly (even though he may not have been able to pinpoint out or conciously realize it) is that you had a full life. People with full, busy lives dont need alot. Theyve got so much going on for themselves so it takes the pressure off of us. As i said for as nuts as i am about my guy, one of the things that makes me start to retreat and spiral out of control in my head is when his extremism swings to the other side and hes crawling up my ass and being a bit too needy. I want him to need me, to want my advice, to allow me to help, but i dont want him to be dependant on me. theres a fine difference alot of people dont understand. And especially if WE’RE busy or stressed or severly distracted, any sort of intrusion of needing more from us makes us jump out of our skin.
i remember one time with my pisces ex, we had been lving together for about a year and i was working two jobs and in college and had an exam coming up. I dont remember if i was studying or just vegging but we were in bed and he rolled over and wanted to cuddle. And though it may have seemed cold, i told him kind of flatly, “not right now.” to which he persisted, kind of hurt and pouty. I literally pushed him off of me and kinda freaked out and said, “i told you not right now. get off of me. stay on your side of the bed. and leave me alone!” I just felt claustrophobic with the weight of everything else on me and didnt want to feel even the physical weight of my partner much less his emotional needs at that moment. Cruel? Maybe. But I can’t help it any more than people can help not panicing if they cant breath.
BUT, if you’re casual, and not asking of anything from us, you’re fine. You can tell us you love and miss us and that totally doesnt bother us. But if you start questioning why and do you still love me and need explanations, we’re just flip out. Whichis why i say, do it sporadically and with varying degress of intensity. then it will be surprising and we LOVE suprises. The best way to keep ANY aqua happy is to surprise them as much as possible. Be spontaneous and impetuous. Because that’s how we are! And we think it makes life so much more fun.
And oh yes we looooovveeee a dark sense of humor. We usually have very dry wit, sometimes with a touch of sarcasm and we tend to go more for dark humor because its so strange…just like us.
I’m happy you bucked up and wrote him. And i know he appreciates it even if he doesnt respond straight away. Dont be dsicouraged by that either should or if it happens. Again, he may get a big smile reading it and just revel in it for a bit, and then he might get distracted by some passing thought and think “i’ll get back to her in a bit, let me just follow up on this and then i’ll write something long and good.” IT’s just how our brains work.
Before this last email where he explained how and why he loved you, was there a gap in contact before?
@keena – the key is to pop in and out with not detectable pattern. check in and then drop off the face of the earth. then check in again (a differenat amount of time waited) and then follow up a few days later and then drop off the face of the earth again. Then the next time check in, call, text, be persistent for like three days and then…drop off the face of the earth again. Inconsistency is key.
No offense intended but this is exactly the reason why I will never ever date another Aquarius. I would much rather date someone I don’t have to play mind games with.
@laura – its not really mind games..at least not to us. or at least we dont see it that way. It’s just acclimating to someone’s temperment. But i will say with aquas, we may have more acclimating that needs to be done becuase we’re often misunderstood, yet at the same time pretty upfront. So yes we’re confusing because we’re a bunch of paradoxes. But we have our benefits too.
IT sounds like you would like a simpler relationship, and if thats so then yes, dont bother with aquas…or scorpios either. they’re pretty complicated too.
The less complicated the better, if you ask me. I will keep that in mind.
I have no idea how to deal with the aquarius man. And im an aquarius woman! My current boyfriend is the second aquarius Ive been with, and as Im now trying to learn to process my emotions and be more in tune with that part of me, Im finding that I want to do this together. I feel like I need him to be there for me and reach out and comfort me. Unfortunately expressing that has been difficult, and before I can even get out how it is I’m feeling we wind up somehow further apart than we were initially. It’s frustrating because at the beginning, going into this I thought we were both on the same page, that we both wanted to be there for each other. Everything I’ve read has said that aquarius men are distant and you have to give them space bc emotional demands make them pull further away. It’s soo depressing to learn that at this stage in the relationship! How does anyone ever get close to this kind of man?
@ laura – yeah. we’re pretty complicated.
@ ruth – i can only speak from experience and what i’ve found is WE sometimes put out conflicting signals to our partners. until we can get more emotionally honest, we’re kinda trapped in our own prison. Dont worry so much about him, worry about yourself and then an aqua will fall in line if thats what he or she wants. The more you’re self focused, the more an aqua will appreciate you. this is not to say that you have to be alone in a relationship, but we want something that doesnt need much from us. you may find you want to do this emotional evolution with him because he doesnt need anything from you, therefor you can focus on you. Use the reflection of your relationship to further this growth instead of him as a person to facilitate it.
that’s my two cents.
Thanks Countess, yes there was a huge gap, he was on a fishing boat for a month with no phone or laptop, at least thats what he told me…But before that he emailed everyday and called at least once a week, we live in dif countries, he’s American Im Canadian so that sort of makes things complicated.
Thanks for your words of wisdom Countess. I do understand that I have to undergo my own emotional transformation on my own. But during this process I’m also realizing what I want out of a relationship is alot more closeness than my Aqua guy is willing to give me. All my expression is met with really breif replies that leave me feeling cold.
I have a very strange relationship with an aqua man and while I am madly in love, sometimes the stress of walking on eggshells with him so he “doesn’t freak out” gets to be a bit much.
what I HAVE noticed is that spontaneity and mirth definitely pique his interest. Also, the more detached I become the more intimate HE becomes. Another thing- negativity (even when warranted) seems to be a huge turnoff to him. He does not want to wallow in my despair. As a Pisces with an Aries rising, Libra moon, and Venus in Aquarius (our saving grace, I think!) I have an extremely passionate chart and yet I am also able to be emotionally detached, especially if I become bored.
The wonderful thing about my Aqua and me is that we are never bored with each other; he motivates me to pursue my goals and keep a positive attitude. I love him unconditionally and yet I refuse to let him walk all over me. My individuality and personal strength seem to fascinate him, and it has been clear from the beginning that I can, do, and will continue to have my own life, with or without him. That phrase is music to an Aqua’s ears; “I’m doing such-and-such, with or without you.” Seems to me that more often than not he comes along for the ride (enthusiastically) when I already planned and booked my trip without him. Aqua’s like to be companions, Bonnie and Clyde, not 1/2 of a whole. I know this relationship will not last forever (what does?) but I have learned a lot from my Aquarian and I believe he has learned a lot from me. Our connection is true, and it is on every level imaginable. I find that he expresses his emotions at the most unexpected times and that sex (AMAZING sex) is when his vulnerability and intimacy come through. I think that many Aqua’s are simply uncomfortable with intimacy because love is not something you can “think through” and they do not trust what they cannot understand intellectually.
I think a major point people who are in relationships with Aquas should realize is that you cannot change who you are, or what you think, just to avoid them “shutting you out.” They will come back- and they will respect you for your fearlessness and self-confidence. Good luck to everybody!
I am so lost right now..I had been chased down by the Aquarius man. I am a Virgo woman…we connected…I the whole 3 months he kept telling our co-workers..tell her this and tell her that..and I brushed him off..he was such a touchy feely person..lol…but he is so smart..and both have that smart A** sense of humor. We texted back and forth for a while..*He was our field manager and would come check on our buildings..but then he had gotten promoted to one of my bosses* So after texted..I went against ALL that I knew..and we went on a “DATE” that ended up on..well..In INTENCE moment of Fellowship..lol..WE both tried..but it was just there..the first night..he flat out asked me to be his woman..and be with just him..I never gave an answere..but he delt with me like I was..as time progressed…*like a month* things seemed ok..UNTIL he became one of my bosses. It put us into working closer together and less going out with each other..he WORKS ALL the time..and has done that most of the time I have known him..he is a single parent like me, and has some serious health issues…but we always found time to talk..and when we are around each other..so many people can see our attraction..though we DON’T display anything at all..But out of all the employees he is over..he became harder on me the most. He would really Snap out on me..and I would SNAP RIGHT back.. So many of our co-worker told him Yall argue so much..yall going to get married?” He would laugh so hard..then he would go back to being like that never happened..flirt with me ..and tell me he misses me..then all of a sudden..he just stops talking to me..texting me..calling me..and I was angery..He said he was very busy and was trying to find time..but one time I went to the office..he called me in his office..and had nothing to say..but was trying to kick some convo..but I just acted uninterested…he kept looking at me and then does paper work.I told him I had to go..and he got up and walked me to the Elivator..He said I have to go smoke so I will ride down with you..when the doors closed..he KISSED ME TILL THE DOORS OPEN..I was in shock..and turned on..lol..but now..We have not dated in 6 months..and not physically seen each other in 4..I finally told him how he made me feel..and he texted me back saying his life and career has changed..and it hurts him too not to be with him..I did not believe it because it should not take 6 months to say that..but he always ALWAYS calls me once a week at work..making it a work related call but flirts all the way…When we fuss at each other..at the end..we just laugh because it was to funny..I miss him so much..the old person..but I know that won’t happen again..I told him I am trying to transfer and he asked was it him? I said yes..He wont let me transfer..telling me you’re not going to leave this company..and you’re not going to leave me..He called me at work for a week straight…He told me more then once that he Cares from me very, very, very much..but I just don’t understand him..He hurt me because I feel for him..we have so much chemistry. Like the samethings..it was just scary how much we are alike..was he just stringing me along? Is this a normal trait? And Why won’t he just let me go and move on..he calls me at least 3 times a week..sometimes just to sit on the phone with me..and kept saying he wants to be friends but I am pushing him to be personal? What is that about..sorry so long..lol
@crazy for aqua – thank you hon. that was very accurate.
“I think that many Aqua’s are simply uncomfortable with intimacy because love is not something you can “think through” and they do not trust what they cannot understand intellectually.”
This is absolutely how i feel. Altho i don’t think i was able to put it in concept. But you did wonderfully.
thank you for your patience with us aquas. We really dont mean anyone harm. We just cant help being who we are.
…and we dont really think we should be anything else.
I feel for LadyChi, my aqua chased me years ago, and I turned him down. And now that Ive given us a chance to be together, I have to deal with this distance, disconnected behavior. As an aquarius, I understand the notion of being contrary just to be contrary, of acting differently than others expect you to because you are your own person. But in a relationship I do not tolerate the promise of one thing and the delivery of another. I don’t make promises in relationships, I tell you who I am up front and its your choice to take it or leave it. I can respect this quality, but it really isnt fair to act one way and once you’re in the relationship to act another. I’m beginning to resent my Aquarian brethern.
@Ruth….And that is one thing I don’t want to do..I mean..I want to hate him for wasting my time..then he just Charms me…but in my mind..Because of me being a Virgo…that dose not compute with me. I don’t like to switch up..or lie to people..and the one things I find with Some Aqua males don’t feel they are wrong. Or At least let you KNOW they are wrong..and I found myself trying to say it was me..but I had to step back and look at it like..wait a minute..I did what I SAID I would do…I mean we are to old to play games..I am 37 and he will be 42…I am just in thought..if just cuting him off all together..and mabey even working eles were..it is hard..because we deal with each other work wise..and we talk at least or more then once a week..I told him *with him being my boss* I was going out of town for my birtday..and if they office dose not need me..to please don’t call me..he goes on to say..where are you going? Who are you going to see..I as like I am sorry and your asking that becasue? He was serious..then on my Birthay…not the day befor..but ON my birthday..calls me..says happy birthday and they he had a question about “Work”…and I ASKED him not to call me..It is a lot with Aquas..they are so smart, out going, funny..but will get just as cold as US…I can cut a person off and keep it moving in a minute..though on the inside..trying to figure out who, what when and why..that Drives me NUTS..lol
@LadyChi, I think our best bet is to stop trying to spare their feelings and mince our words. We have to say what we see and feel is going on, in plain english. Whether or not they want to hear it. Sometimes I feel like Aquarius is harding of hearing because they do think they’re always right. But we’re not always right! Take your space, command your space, and serve him with the same chill he’s serving you. That’s your best bet. Don’t ask him to give you space, or not call you, because you just cant tell an Aqua what do. You just have to go on doing what you want. I wouldn’t change a job for a man either. You’re a Virgo so you’re intelligent and strong enough to play on your own terms no? I wish you luck. I also wish I don’t wind up strangling my own boyfriend… lol
I’m so thrilled that I found this site!! I’ve been reading a lot of comments and getting so much good insite…So here’s my deal, and hopefully someone can give me some advice. I met a man a couple months ago, he plays major league baseball. I was very leery even wanting to talk to him because of the stereotype with athletes. But he seemed different and genuine. We ended up having lunch and it went so well. We both spoke of our lives, interests, family, etc etc. He has great morals and said he’s at that point in his life where he would just like to find that special girl, settle down, and get married. He’s 29 and an aquarius. So anyways he was only in my town for a few days, said he would definitely keep in touch with me, and couldn’t wait till next time he saw me when he’d play my home team again. He did keep in touch but for my standards I was completely impressed. But when he came into town this past weekend and we saw eachother in person it was just perfect. We have so much in common and I feel like there’s a spark and I could see myself with him. I’m a libra by the way..He invited me out to see him in Colorado in a few weeks so I was thrilled. He said he wants me to get to know him outside of baseball. Now yes i’m still leery and cautious. I have my guard up and with any man i’m going to act like a lady and demand respect and not fully open myself up to them, and I always play hard to get but not in a sense to play mind games but that’s just how I am. So anyways here’s the issue I have, after he left this weekend I haven’t heard from him!! Basically when we were saying bye the last time I saw him he was like so I guess I’ll see you in Colorado then. I said don’t play games with me, are you really sure about this because I’m going to request off from work tomorrow, he goes yes.. I’m telling you that I want you to come out and see me. This was Friday, and its now almost a week that has gone by and I haven’t heard from him. So from all these comments i’ve been reading I’m assuming this is normal behavior from an Aquarius man?? What should I do? I’m not the type to be the first one to txt or call a guy, I like to wait for them to get a hold of me. But being that I’m so interested in the zodiac and when a person confuses me I read about their sign to better understand them I’m now beginning to understand him more, but I need advice as to what I should do! Sorry this is so long! But I’ve begun to catch feelings for him and don’t want to give up easily…Help!!
ruth – i’m sorry honey but i’m going to be a little forward with you because your post reaks of projection. but i say this only to help you dear no attack you.
1.) if he chased you and you turned him down, why are you confused now that YOU’VE given him a chance, that he’s distant now? Does that not seem like an obvious reaction to rejection? To be a bit hesistant, guarded? Are you not taking ANY responsiblity that your previous interaction with him might have something to do with this sudden change of behavior? Would you not be the same way?
2.) “I tell you who I am up front” …”it really isnt fair to act one way and once you’re in the relationship to act another.”
Do you know for a fact your mate doesnt think the same about you? that maybe YOU’VE somehow changed and you’re not even aware of it. We all change at different parts of the relationship, anyone who says they dont is deluding themselves. Is it possible some small change has happened inside of you that maybe is creating this distance. It could simply be a matter of sometime, years ago, one of you said something and the other put their guard up and the first misuderstood and now you’ve come to a mutual self guarded impass in your relationship with person thinking the other one is unfair. Which quite honestly is about 95% of the problems in most relationships. Everyone only worries about themselves and what They need and wht THEY deserve. In our struggle for mental balance weve swing a little to far into the self centric direction unfortunately.
3.) There’s absolutely no reason to spare our feelings. We may get injured but i promise it wont hold long. Say what you mean and mean what you say. But dont expect a response or remedy right away. We have to think about it. And it may take a while, months, even years. But that’s because we’re truely considering you and what you’ve said.
4.) i’m just going to point this out, since i am a woman and i can relate to your frustration but has it ever occured to anyone, whats so wrong with distance? Are we all that fragile and insecure we cant stand distance? It doesnt mean we dont love you. It doesnt always mean anything. YOu cant stand disconnected behavior? It most likely is NO REFLECTION OF YOU WHATSOEVER. The man’s prolly just thinking. He might even be thinking about something FOR YOU. But while you’re resenting him for his lack of connection with you or attention towards you, he may be building you a freakin castle in his head he’d like to give to you one day, or planning out a trip for your vacation that he thinks you’ll enjoy or some other odd thing that’s HIS way of showing you he cares. I feel bad for alot of men (even my own men) because we reall overlook alot of the big picture they stuff they do and focus on the little things. Objectively, with your guard down try to look at him and see what he does good for you. And if you cant find anything that good you either have poor taste in men or you’re not looking with your eyes open.
Again, I say this all only with love.
- The countess
@ marianne – its too soon to tell yet hon. you have someone that travels and plays professional sports and has a very different lifestyle than most people. If anything, THAT is the factor you need to be looking at. Not astrology. ITs really a 50-50. HE could be a nice guy. you met and when he was in town again you met up again. thats a really good thing. But that may be it. Or not. If he invited you and said specifically he’d call you, then let him call you. if he left it open than shoot him text or quick call asking some detail of the trip you need for your arrangement. if he doesnt repsond, hes not interested in that. But just sppreciate the fact you had two dates with a MLB star, which is more than most of us could say.
@ The Countess…but what of my sistuation? I mean..I did not changed..he did..I wanted to even keep him as a friened..but I don’t know if that is even possible..because of how things transpired between us..
@Countess -
stunning! Thank you. I didn’t take any of that harshly. In fact it provides great food for thought indeed. Thanks again!
@LadyChi – Keeping an Aqua as a friend is almost always possible unless you push them away, chase them away, or allow the drama between you and them become hurtful and spiteful in some way. Just be nice to them and let them know your still interested in their playful semi-intellectual banter in a friendly sort of way. Rarely is an aqua cold to an accommodating and warm friend.
@countess- thank you for your feedback..he did leave it kind of open so i guess i will shoot a txt monday or something. he seemed very sincere and genuine in wanting us to get to know eachother better and i doubt that everything he told me was just b.s. and yes their lifestyle is way different than ours, but hes done now his last game was last weekend, and told me he was goin back to denver because that’s where he lives during the offseason..so that’s why i was confused as to why i didnt hear from him because he’s not playing any more games. but i suppose i’ll take your advice and just txt him about the trip…and i read someones comment about their aquarius man being very touchy feely?? is this a norm? because mine is too, and i was nervous because im affectionate too but only once i start opening up to someone.. and he would apologize to me and say im sry i dont mean to be rude or anything that’s just how i am..lol
@ruth – oh i’m relieved. i really didnt want to offend you or hurt you in any way. See this is how it is to be an aquarius, we cant help but be provoking, THOUGHT provoking though, not antagonistic just for the sake of ruffling someone. EVERYTHING we do is for a logical reason. Some signs (i’m lookingat you water signs) may provoke behaviors out of you to simply watch you squirm but aquas do it for the greater of all good, even if it means an embarrassing situation. This is where i think we get alot of bad rap for mind games (an AQUA would never do that for sheer pleasure, thats simply inefficient; to gauge your reaction, however, so he understands you better?…possibly)
Jeff’s daily horoscope today I think is a good example to follow in the aquatic relationship:
“…if we pull back enough from our emotions, we will recognize that allowing our partners extra freedom actually makes our bond more secure. Neediness and control are turnoffs.”
I’m happy I was able to provide you some food for thought none the less.
@Marianne – shoot him a FRIENDLY text (maybe asks how its like to be home now). If he just got back to his hometown after ending the season, he may just be catching up with people. not to hurt your feelings but he JUST met you, there may be other priorities and people he’s attending to right now during his homecoming.
@LadyChi – peculier. I thought I had responded to your original post as i specifically recall what i wrote in the ending. Hmmm. Must have been the paralell universe me.
Ok,Here’s the deal:
First off, aquas are perfectionists, not in the meticulous virgo way, in fact we’re quite messy as we try to accomplish things, but still we have a ridiculously high standard that we hold OURSELVES to, not everyone else, in fact we’re quite tolerant of other people most of the time, but definately OURSELVES. Thing is though, we also consider our partners (business or romantic) as part of ourselves as well. So yes, he’s going to ride your ass more than anyone else in that building because YOU are a reflection and a part of HIM.
Also aquas are all about equality, especially in our relationships, so if there’s an external aspect to the relationship (like a work situation) that actually creates unequality by delegated one person as superior to the other one, you’re just going to have a $hit show on your hands. Thats a very tricky line for us to walk. WE cant really do either end of it WELL- superior or subordinate, I speak from experience. It doesnt mean it can’t be done but its a process of everybody finding their roles. In a year with a leo “friend” of mine, we constantly hit these growing pains every few months as we needed to restablish the boundaries. But then again he was a leo so he needed ALOT of respect, more than me as an aqua felt anyone should have. Lol.
Now here’s the scoop with the “hot and cold behavior” ie: talking flirting and then no calls no text, etc. Aquas are notorious for our emotional detachment. Doesnt mean we dont have them or turn them off, despite what most people think. I means just what it says, we can detach from our emotions. Just like taking off a belt and putting somewhere, we can take off emotions and put it somehwere. Doesnt mean the belt doesnt exist or that we dont know where it is, just means we can put it somewheres else for a bit. BUT, we know most people cant do this little trick. So what I beleive he’s doing (which is exactly what I would do) is he’s “break checking” you. And what i mean by that is, he knows he can go easily from work mode, to flirt mode, to friend mode, to boss mode and back into boyfriend move easy as pie, but he may not believe you are capable of this and for good reason, because again, most people are not. So what he’s doing is just tapping the breaks on you every now and then, not because you’ve done anything or reacted necessarily, but simply for safety precautions so he knows you’re processing everything ok and dont end up completely having a meltdown. He’s making you stop, so you both can adjust. that’s all.
Now, being a virgo and i know plenty about you guys, especially the women. You’re very no nonsense. The sentence that jumped out at me is when you said he SHOULD NOT have taken so long, etc. etc. And this is going to be a sticking point with you too. Virgos have a very strict code of life. You’re very much about the boxes, the labels and the black and white. And yet your aqua, is the EXACT OPPOSITE. There is no should or should not there only is what is or what isnt and thats subject to change from moment to moment.
But I’m going to give you a big warning and you can look at other posts because ive repeated this theme many times, if an aqua is working on his master plan, DO NOT GET IN HIS WAY. This is what our sign is all about. This is why we exists in this world, to lead the way, the provoke thought to bring change. And we often do this with our careers. For as flighty as we are, we try to incorporate our grandest ideas into our work lives, even if its a small $hitty job we dont care about, we’ll find some sort of use for it to catalyst something else. If he’s working to get ahead or create something in that part of his life, you need to accept that you will be relegated to back seat. We will put you on hold, but as i told someone else on here, we do it not just for ourselves but for the people we care about too, even if we dont tell you. And he may have some secret plan of incorporating you into this big idea (we dont chose partners unless we can see them fitting in our idea of the future. it was criteria of us even pursuing you in the first place). He doesnt want to let you go. He prolly REALLY doesnt want to let you transfer and i really wouldnt put it past him if hes been long cooking up some career move for you that you dont even know about. Thats another thing, aquas like to bring people along in their success. The more the merrier and we like working with people we trust and know. You yourself said he doesnt want to let you go. Your answer is just that simple. HE DOESNT WANT YOU TO GO.
So try this, take that virgo mind and pull it back and look at it like a movie. But play the movie forward into the future. Could you, put your romantic relationship on hold, focus on the friendship part of it (because honey, thats really where you’re going to get his heart. thats all we really care about quite honestly), have the occasional quick snog and kisses just to keep the attraction there and be patient while he gets confident that his master plans are moving in the right direction? Could you do this with knowing…you might have a really great life with him, one founded on friendship, one with attraction and possibly a very lucrative and solid career in which you both can find security. And like I said, possibly get a bit of career (READ:money) gain yourself. I’m a single parent too and i know WE ALL STRUGGLE. Whether you’re a lawyer or the waitress at Ihop, weve only got that one income and are the only parent. We’ve got two strikes against us and not enuf to go around.
Virgos hava hard time getting OUT of the box. But you’re going to have to learn if you want to be with an aqua.
Because we dont even know where the box is.
@countess- oh not to worry, feelings not hurt at all lol i’m a pretty strong individual and love advice..enjoy giving it as well. thanx so much again for your generous feedback it’s been very helpful
@countess, I thought the Jeff’s daily sky was pretty fitting today as well. When I read your advice and took a step back, it really did put everything in perspective… thanks again! Your understanding on this topic is seriously a gift to all of us!! have a great weekend!
@ Everyone – typical aqua here. i’m here to help!
@the countess….WOW..That put a WHOLE lot of things in to perspective. That explains so much of his behavor..and me thinking it was something I did. I respect the putting on the breaks..because now that I recall we did have conversation similar to this*work wise* Aqua’s are diffrent..lol..this is the first one I have EVER been with…AND HE DOSE care about people alot..and the fact the he keeps calling me Dear..*affectionately* even when we work says alot..I just worry about his..though I know that is the Aqua way of life..is to work…he just dose it so much. But he dose get fussy if you mention it…lol.so I just back off..and let me do his thing..but if he don’t go a week with out calling me..Even if it is about something random. I kinda figured I would have to step back..He has stressed a lot..I want to be “friends” I need to be “Friends” and he opens up..then closes..but I understand now..Thanks so much for shedding the light..I will just be in the cut and support him as much as my Virgo pride will alow..even if I am in the office and he knows I don’t agree with something he said I bit my bottom lip…not to say nothing..he laughs…and says” You want me to bite the for you? Speak what’s on your mind” I say” Is that going to make what you instructed me to do change?” He said “No” then laughes..We laugh more now..Then befor..I also notice..If I point out somethings..Like I told him he hurt me in some area’s he got quit…and then tries to compensate with other actions….like converation..Talking to me real sweetly…like he just Charms me..and I fall for it..lol.He even got mad a couple of months back when I asked was in with or interested in someone eles..Because I never hear from him..He went off.saying he is not cut like that..that is not always on his mind..but he flirts with a lot of woman..so I don’t know..I am just going to do me..and get my life in order..and see fro there what I need to do.
@LadyChi -mmmmmm, laughing is good.
Aquas love to laugh. Even at ourselves. Oh and if he ever asks you for your opinion, dont ever hold back, tell it just like it is. We love that. A little conflict is good for opening up the brain and our egos arent too threatened by other people’s ideas…because after all, they’re IDEAS and we LOVE ideas. You can even offer them even if they’re not asked for if you do it in the right way. Best question to ask an aqua if you want to get him to see your point of view…”have you ever thought about maybe doing it this, this and this way?” All innocently. Hehehe, thats such a secret weapon i just told you, use it wisely. It’s because as soon as you say “have you ever THOUGHT” our brain has a pavlovs dog effect when instead of salivating it starts gearing up to process information, to analyze it to conisder it, almost shouting “bring it on! give us something to play with!”
And yes aquas love to talk and will most likely use talking as the chosen method to work our way through any unpleaantries. You’ll often notice aquas even talk alot to themselves! Because when it comes down to it, talking is just thinking out loud! lol
Don’t put much stock in what you see as “flirting because he’s right, he’s not cut like that. Aquas aren’t notorious womanizer, we’re just friendly. But even if we’re being cheeky, it’s not for any other pupose but to be a little provacative or cheeky. We’re don’t intend anything by it. This is also where aquas get alot of bad rap. People mistake our friendly natures as wanting something more when really we were just having a good time and had NO intention of taking anything NEAR something more. Though we “see” how people can mistake us, it always throws us a little when we’re stucking havind to deal with that conversation…and aquas do manage to land in that spot more often than they would care to. You’d THINK we could try harder, and we do in certain ways, but we wouldnt be ourselves if we were constantly holding back out of fear that someone might think it was a come on or worse, that our PARTNER thinks we’re encouraging it. We don’t tliek to flirt. We like to TALK, and play and tease. But THATS it. No alterior motives beyond that. Beleive me, when an aqua wants your attention, he’ll GET your attention. And when he has romantic intentions for you, you’ll KNOW. We’re very careful not to cross the friend/romantic line because we really dont want to lead anybody on and we like having friends. And we really dont like having to have those conversations because we know someones feelings are going to get hurt, not matter how diplomatic we put it.
I guess the problem comes in when we start with the COUNTER intentions with our weird wacky behavior. that seems to be where everyone gets lost with us.
The Countess you said when an Aqua has romantic intentions he will let you know… How? If he is friendly to everyone and likes to flirt? Although like you said you Aquas don’t see it as flirting, but other people may interpret it as flirting. So How do you know then if he has romantic intentions? Will he tell you straight up? I have heard of Aquas who call their relationship friendship and still kisses and stuff like that. Isn’t that to cross the line between frienship and romantic relationship?
Sorry am just a bit confused…
I am glad I found this site. I have posted in Love Advice a couple of times. I am an Aries female in love with my Aqua boss. Actually I adore him, he and I have been seeing each other for almost a year. We see each other everyday at work and and quite a lot out of work.
He started a with our company about 14 months ago in our advertising department (actually he was brought in to start the ad dept ) so we really did not have a lot of contact in office. But would smoke downstairs together and chit chat. I have a tendancy to wear funky slipper/socks in the office cause my feet get cold.
Well close to christmas I came in and there was a pair on my chair..did not know who gave them to me..asked everyone..nothing. About a month later and many of txt conversations we finally went out afterwork and the physicall attraction that we had felt for the pass few months came to head and we could not keep our hands off of each other and I slept with him. We were both late for work the next Morning and so began the last year of my life with my aqua.
Oh yeah..a few days after we slept together he got promoted to Vice President of Sales and Marketing..so he became my immediate boss. He told me up front that being friends with him out of work would mean he would be harder on me at work..and he is. We are very professional at work and no one wld ever suspect anything other than we are friends.
We have struggled a lot with each other, I am not use to being with an aqua man. He is very hot n cold and can switch in an instant. Sometimes after we wld have amazing sex…and I wld get ready to go home he wld pat me on the back or some crazy crap like kiss me on the nose…really???
We argued over this, we argued over why he wld never sleep at my house ( sd he has dog..ok ) or why he wld not let me spend the nite at his house. I could physically see him get uncomfortable..like a switch turned on and he realized I was there..and had been for a long time. Never wld he say we were a couple or anything, I cld not even get him to say that we would have sex again..his motto is Que Sera Sera…needles to say..we had issues.
But, I will say this he now kisses me when I leave, I now stay the night when I want..if I dont, I go home. He still will not put a title on us..and now I am ok with that..because I know him well enough to know that he is not looking for anyone else..he was not even looking for me. I lied..I did get a title, I am the best friend..but for him to say that..is huge in his world.
Over the last few weeks there has been a really weird transition and I am not sure what it means. His grandmother just passed and he left this morning to fly to CT, before he left he asked me to come over and talk. He wanted to ask me if I could help with his dog. I told him of course I would take him home with me..he said why dont you and Nik just stay here..closer anyways. I said ok, then he sends me a text saying ” OMG you are staying where I live…unheard of ” then sent me a txt saying that it says a lot 2 him that he trust me enough to stay there and take care of his dog because trust is a scarcity in his life. thxs. Really…who does that..but you know what, it was a huge move for him and does say alot about his feelings for me, without him having to say it.
He is still hot n cold and I wonder if it is worth it, but I do love him. He has amazing energy and just is refreshing to be around. Do you think I am reading too much into his actions..or do you think he does look at me as more than a friend??
Rhonda
I feel for you, I’m in love with an Aquarian and he just broke my heart. Mine has disapeared but your situation sounds really complicated. Your an Aries woman and I’ve met a few Aries/Aquarius married couples, I think he feels more for you then just friendship, but the work situation is in the way, an Aquarian hates to mix both, unless its just for kinky fun which doesnt sound like your situation. I think you should treat him on a friend level though and let him take the reigns of the relationship, they love to prove things. He might need to chase you a while, Id keep him mas a friend no matter what because it could turn smoking hot, I mean love too, not just the sex. Aquarius guys seem to change a bit when they’re with an Aries woman, he will be needy with you over time, which is rare because I think you girls are the only ones that can do that to these boys…
ok..i am an aquarius female and i am messing with another aquariaus male…umm im just goin 2 get straight 2 the point basically i have known him a couple of months..but i failed 2 tell him i had herpes..(which i do tell my partners) but for some reason i didnt have the nerve 2 tell him(yes we were using protection and no i dont have sex when theres a party goin on down der,,but anyhoo) when i did get the nerve we jus couldnt seem 2 get it 2gether..but jus recent we happen 2 have unprotected sex…soo i had 2 tell him n i did..but really i jus want some advice ..like alot of ways we do alot of the same things..so from an aqua’s point of view i kinda understand what he probably is thinking..and yes everything i have said here and more i explained 2 him..but i really dont want this 2 end..so i would like some advice from male and female aquas… i mean what can i say 2 make it up i mean jus helppp..cause i really feel bad..but me being an aqua i only kiss but but so much
This is a very touchy situation and I wish I could tell you something that would help..but I have no idea how I would handle that situation. I definatly have no clue as to how my aqua would handle it, if I did not disclose to him any medical conditions that would effect him. Good luck to you.
Thank you Libralady for your comment. Work is a difficult situation but we have managed to keep our personal relationship out of the office. I am not so naive as to think it will always work this way. He is truly my Best Friend and vice versa..his theory is that he is in control of his life and if he chooses to be friends with me out of the office..that is his business. He associates with other people in the office out of work.
A couple of months ago and coworker, his wife, myself and my aqua all went to Benihanas for dinner and drinks afterwards..so he really does not hide our friendship..what we do behind closed doors..that is another thing that no one knows about..and I do not think would expect, especially from me. I have been single for 7years and have not dated or been intimate with anyone. Most of my friends are male..I work in a male dominated office (24 men and 3 women ) and have for many years, so it is no suprise to anyone that he and I are freinds. If my aqua told someone he was sleeping with me…I do not think they would believe him..
I think you are very right on so many things, treating him like a friend is easy..he is my friend. As far as him chasing me, not really sure what you mean. He definatly has the lead in the relationship, I never know what is in store when we hang out. Sometimes we just sit and talk or watch movies..ect. Then suddenly he will touch me or play with my hair..and then he kisses me..and it is all over. There is something to be said for his hot n cold..cause a year later..each time he are ‘toghether’ it is like the very first kiss all over. Part of me thinks he does this on purpose..and i dont mind.
Rhonda–Aquas generally can’t handle commitment, so he may be torn between two visceral emotions that he is unable to control: desire for you, and fear that he is getting in over his head. The fact that you work together makes it worse. He knows that if things go wrong in your relationship, disappearing is not an option. It’s hard to know exactly what might be going on in his head without seeing his chart, but it sounds like if you want a normal and stable relationship, this is not the place.
It’s always playing with fire when you have an office relationship. You can quickly go from giddy romance and a great job to no-mance and unemployment.
A relationship with an Aquarius was the worst relationship mistake I ever made in my life! True Story!
@virgo28 – i see your point. it does come across a bit contradictory from other peopkes view points. I guess i would say, aquas will generally verbalize in some sort of way what they’re thinking about the situation. We would make a comment about it or an opinion if we’re unsure what we want is what you want. I suppose best place to look for an aquas intentions on you is in his or her mouth, it will be verbal in some sort of way or statement. But if you really want to know, just ask. we dont mind disclosing our intententions because we’re kinda self righteous so we wouldnt think there was anything with wrong with a friends with benefits, or “im just having a good time tonite” or “we’re just dating and seeing where it goes” or even “we have an understanding” to “you’re a cute boyfriend sometimes” even if thats the first time we referred to you as that. We’d jsut slip it in convo somewhere. But again, just ask. We may be dying to talk about it and analyze it, lol.
Another way is if you see any strong emotions (especially vunerable ones) coming out around you, esepcially jealousy as we’re not really prone to that, or tears…uh yeah, you’ve got us brain ninja’d even if we’re resisting letting you know that. So i guess where the line is for us between romantic and friendship is in the emotional realm. If you have one of numerous emotional envounters with us, sharing of feelings verbally, then we consider you pretty close to us. and after that it kinda blurs when friendship stops and romance starts, but it really doesnt matter, if you’re that close thats as close as you can really get in our mind.
Does that help at all?
Wow, I think this is normal, why?? i’m an Aquarian…..lol
I met this guy last week, my first Aquarian…..we both have Scorpio rising, my venus in conjunct his mars (pisces) his moon is conjunct my mars (Sag) but my moon (gemini) is in opp to his moon. I think the problem may be his merc is Cap and mine is Aquarius…..boy do we have synastry or is it me/? Is this too much synastry???
I’ll be back to let you know, what do you think??
Neither of us want a ’serious’ relationship, but i have this feeling that my single days are numbered, PLEASE TELL ME I’M WRONG…..i’m 53 and waaaaay too young….((giggle))
Thank you
@Aquarius Dawn: my mum is 49-single and she#s out there to save the world.Men lie at her feet but she won’t look at them
@Rhonda – I don’t know how i missed your post. But i’m glad i went back and read the thread because you have touched on so many aqua points, you have no idea how helpful you’re situation is about to me for many women dealing with an aqua, because i’m going to translate it out for you.
You my dear, have an aqua that is completely in love with you. And yet, his idea of love may not equate to the more traditional versions people subscribe to. But it is real none the less.
1.) He rides your ass at work. As I stated to LadyChi, this is a backhanded compliment. It means he sees you as part of himself, as representative of him and his work. It also means he respects you and your collaboration with him since he tasks you with so much. If he felt you were inferior, he wouldnt trust you with anything but small meaningless duties.
2.) he gave you the slippers without a doubt. Kooky or wacky socks (or anything really) just tickles us. It shows individualism and a deviency from the norm, which is what we’re all about. And we love suprises so we love to give gifts in a surprising sort of way, just like leaving something for you to unexpectedly find. how fun!
3.) the patting on the back or kissing on the nose…total aqua affection, at least in the beinning (and even middle) stages. Ive been sleeping with my scorp for over a year and i finally actually gave him a real hug when he left the other day for the first time…and i’m a woman! i too, used to do the pat on the back, or kiss the back of his head. Weird i know, ive been naked in front of this person, but aquas are kinda funny about affection until we’re really close and comfortable with someone. And this can take us a while sometimes. If anything, we’re kinda backwards when it comes to affection. Until we get to that super comfortable stage, we’re more likely to hug someone we don’t have feelings for than someone we do!
4.) Our house – we are verrrrryyyy uncomfotable with having people in our space. Even people we WANT to be in our space. I myself have a very weird hangup about actually sleeping in the same room with someone, much less sleeping in the same bed. I just can’t relax knowing they’re THERE. Again with the guy i’m seeing now, I actually went downstairs and slept on the couch the first three times we slept together (much to his displeasure) because it wasn’t feasible for him to leave at the end of the night. And this was someone I was crazy about from the moment i met him. I don’t really know why we’re so strange about having alot of space, but we are. And it causes great discomfort to us when there’s something in it that’s usually not there.
5.) Que cera cera – whatever may be will be. Also very aqua. We’re air so we want to just blow about not be contained or directed. Again it’s a space issue. just give us space to maneuver and we’ll go where we need to go. Hem us in and we’ll fly away, even if just for a moment so we can breath. And what is giving most people space, you need to give us even more. Keeping it loose is what keeps air going.
6.) Title – psshh. we dont give a flying F about title. That’s so normal! Husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend…they’re all just words and symbolisms. We want to create our own unique relationships, free of standards and traditions, with our OWN developed terms. Not to say it has to BE on our terms, we’re pretty fair, just not some run of the mill cookie cutter relationship. Also the title boxes us in. it puts pressure to CONFORM. We simply do not want to comform. We’re the true non comformists. Never let a title threaten you. An aqua will respect you more if you can see just what the relationship is about than what you want to call it.
7.) My best friend – that’s about as good as it gets in our world. That IS the highest title. End of story.
8.) Any sort of asking for assitance or advice is one of the highest compliments an aqua can pay you. It means we respect you so much we trust you to do what we do. Aquas often think they can do things better than most people, and often we can so its not totally arrogancy. So to ask your opinion or for your help is like saying we think you’re on par with us, our equal. And equality is very important to us.
9.) Our house – omg he let you stay there and he wasn’t even there! That is truely letting you into his space. Not that we think you’re going to burn the place down or pawn all electronics, if we thought that you wouldnt have been asked, but again, there’s something very peculier about what doesn’t normally exist in our space to actually be there and then even stranger, to start BECOMING part of our space. That’s not easy for us to do. Not that it feels intrusive per say, that wouldn’t be the right word but it almost makes us feel like an exhibitionist, a kind of exposed feeling because we’re aware you’re there. until you’ve beeen there so often you start to blend in to the scenery that is. Which will take time. alot more of it than probably any other signs. I even remember when i got together with my ex, the pisces, he spent the night and never really left. i was younger then and not so set in my day to day ways but i remember feeling like i was in an experiment or something. It wasn’t natural to me. Now with the scorpio i’m seeing now, i actually freaked out one time because he spent four days in a row here on a long weeked. I felt like i couldnt just go about my business and I actually got an axiety attack from it and told him i had to get out of the house that i couldnt take it anymore. This just happened this summer so we had been together for a year and i still am not comfortable to be like that. We need baby steps to integrate you in.
10.) the sentence you said about him saying trust is a scarcity in his life and he wants you to know he trusts you. Now see to an aqua, that WAS telling you his feelings for you. He’s explaining the REASONS he cares for you instead of just saying “i care alot about you”. Keep that in mind ladies, thats how we communicate emotions, with reasons. And that’s because that’s something we understand, good old logical reasons.
11.) Hot and cold – common aqua complaint. many different reasons. but none of them are lack of attraction, or they would be no hot at all. Alot of the times its just us adjusting, preserving our personal space (even if its just in our head), it can be us pulling back and trying to objectively analyze the situation and where it’s going and where’s it been and what has transpired and what do we want to do with it and what it’s all about, or it could even been as simply as we’re just busy thinking about stuff. There’s a whole other world that exists in our heads than just the one we’re walking around in. As opposed to the pisces who have this other world too, ours isnt dreamy and fantasy. It’s like a bustling metropolis of ideas and concepts and information. I remember my old leo boss who was a “friend” of mine, walking into my office and i was sitting behind the desk and just staring at the wall in front of me. He got agitated and asked why i wasn’t working when we were so busy with this project. I turned to him dumbfounded and said, “i’m thinking.” He was speechless and then laughed and shook his head. He knew I was the idea person and he was the action person, which is why we made a stellar team. It had just never occured to him that i actually stop and just think the brilliant ideas i come up with instead of just $hitting them out of my a$$. lol I really can’t impress enough on people just how much aquas are thinking. I really think most people would go mad if they had to switch heads with us for a day. I also think they’d be alot more tolerant of our erratic behavior if they saw just what goes on in there. Alot of our perceived distance, is just thinking.
So in closing, no rhonda, you are not reading into things. You have a brilliant mad man thats mad about you.
ok, need help here….been seeing an aqua for a little over a month….things seem good when we’re together, have a great time, sex is good. we see eachother about 2x a week (both very busy). we usually talk about schedules and when the next time works, set a date – BUT when the day arrives i have to be the one to get in touch to confirm, see where we’re meeting, what the plan is, who might be running late, etc….starting to make me crazy. things is, when i text he texts right back, and my libra gut says he likes where we are right now, so i don’t think it’s a blow off thing….is this an aqua thing?
leebrragurl
If he’s always texting right back you’re lucky….Many of them make you wait days before they get back to you, I dont think they even know they’re wearing a watch even if they remembered to put one on.
Some of them disappear for 3 weeks with one strange mail in between and come back with a love poem. And you are sitting there thinking – is he making fun of me ??? WTF ???
I am falling over myself to speak here….I am a virgo female, and have recently embarked on a very freewheeling, passionate, tactile, non-conforming and loving relationship with an aqua guy. Now…what I have gleaned thus far; is that he is indeed lofty and detached….and ardently passioante to the poiit where my cup spilleth over…but when that intellectual embroidery unravels, we both seek the same warm and loving fusion as each other. He is utterly without ego, and I am undoubtedly55 enchanted by this guy; Ehm… having lofy ideals myself (joke)…. please forgive my archaic use of the bracketed (joke) there, but i am bereft of basic computer literacy at times, and can not find the smilly face anywhere
Anyway… the point is, I think Aquarian men – and the aquarian populace in general- are the the most wonderful zodiac compatriets I have ever came across. Their wonderfully active cerebral cortex confers much in the way of sparkling and endlessly fascinating company. Being quite a verbose and pedantic virgo filly myself, I oft feel I am trapped in an ivory tower, where exceptions are only made for the sake of my fellow pals and family. Yet; My endearing and passionate Aquariuan male provides a person such as myself the remedy which is needed against the steady march of an already complex world. Be as offbeat, gregarious, unusual and charming as you can be. Use your femine wiles also, as this works a treat on this male I feel….He can’t help himself when a woman is ultra-feminine, but quite earthy and feisty with it! Earthy, feminine, feisty and exhibiting an intellectual capacity that most men would would deemmortal combat; Thats pretty much up their bag 
HATE AQUARIAN GUYS!!!!
I commented on this post a few weeks ago, when I still had an Aquarius boyfriend. I really love astrology for all the knowledge and insight it can give you into a person’s personality. Sometimes it seems off base, but most times it’s pretty spot on. I just wanted to say to all the ladies who are confused and wondering why Aquarius guys do what they do, you can read up on it all you want, but the answers will always be the same. That is just how they are. The only way you’re really going to know if it will work between you two and if you’re the one for him is if his distance doesn’t bother. If you can be secure in the knowledge that he is just taking space to help him regain control, or to shift his focus without losing himself, then obviously you will be fine. But I think the wondering, and the confusion, and the way it drives you crazy is a sure sign that you’re not the one for him and he isnt the one for you. Maybe I’m coming off harsh, but it’s easier when you just know yourself and what you do and don’t like. If you don’t like guys who pull back, then walk away now and find someone else to play with. Love, at the end of the day is meant to be enjoyed. And the best way to do it is with someone you understand and who understands you. In my experience, for all their charm and wit, and their great big hearts, Aqua men have a sort of “my way or the highway” attitude. If you really want his attentions and his gentler side, you’re better off just being his friend. The worst part is it wont make a single difference to him. So I guess if you can swallow that pill, you’re already half way there.
ruth-
Wow, that’s very intersting. I myself am not involved with an Aqua, but I have a family member who is and we are all worried b/c he is super controlling and shows signs of an abuser. Your ‘my way or the highway’ hit the nail on the head!