It’s not an act, honey. Your Aquarius man is very distant.
Aquarius is an air sign. This element is associated with the mind. Like his brothers Libra and Gemini, Aquarius is not very in touch with his feelings.
In addition, the Water Bearer is ruled by Uranus, a planet that is literally and figuratively not of this world. Your guy feels at home thinking about the sky (astrophysics, astrology), not mundane earthly matters like intimate relationships. In fact, he’s just not that into … intimacy (thought I had you there!). The collective, the group — he does care about humanity, but he is concerned by virtue of his objective distance.
Aquarius is also an independent sign. He does not like to be fenced in. And since Aquarius is an unyielding fixed sign, your very act of pushing him to be emotionally present with you rings his alarm. In response, he becomes stubbornly closed off to you.
What to do? Give him some space … he’ll show up for you when he’s had time to sort this out in that brilliant noggin of his.
Comment below: How have you dealt with a distant Aquarius man?
About Jeffrey Kishner
@AquaMan
That’s pretty honest to acknowledge the challenge of invalidating/validating. I wish more Aquarius took this to heart. I nearly lost my mind a week or so ago when I was bummed talking to my Aqua male friend for years and he told me not to worry about something, then corrected himself, and said that it was alright to FEEL what I felt. I told him that marrying a Pisces is helping him get in touch with his emotional sides. LOL! He admitted that when he met her he intuitively knew that because she was emotional she was going to help him out there.
Oh, and that impulsive anger expression you mentioned. How it can be dangerous. An Aqua man recently told me that he thinks men are more emotional than women. Because men get emotional and they start wars. Very interesting assessment. If you think about it, the emotions that are more readily expected in men are usually anger and detachment. So, it would make sense for a ‘detached’ sign to express these explosively or to the extremes if other layered complex emotions like insecurity, doubt, grief emerge. And, from what I have heard, when an Aqua experiences any of those full blown- its a BIG deal.
@Pisces Queen
I am getting a selfish vibe from your Aqua, too. Its just so unfortunate. Because he sought you out so vigorously and after so long! What is with him??? Sounds like your emotional distancing is wise.
Astrologically speaking, once I met a Scorpio with an Aqua moon. Perhaps, in Aqua speak this could be related, but this guy went through a 5 YEAR CELIBACY period. One in which there was ABSOLUTELY NO SELF-PLEASURE either. It was radical, extreme. When I asked more of what prompted him to do this, I ended up connecting some dots. A girl he was dating cheated on him while traveling to another country. He says he wasn’t hurt, yet I think he was and didn’t allow himself to feel it. Shortly after breaking up with her, during a private sexual moment with himself he nearly blacked out (or he did, I forget) and it scared him. He felt it was God punishing him. So, he went on a celibate streak. He even mentioned to me that he felt like he was an emotional sociopath because he didn’t feel certain emotional feelings towards his family. Add up the fact that his job was very solitary and he could primarily work from home made him extremely socially and intimately stunted, in my opinion.
@Amanda
In NO WAY am I comparing this guy to YOUR guy, because I felt the Scorpio I met was extreme.
However, I could see an Aqua person being able to hold out on intimacy much longer than another feeling sign, especially if they are trying to figure out in an intellectual or moral sense where they are spiritually. It sounds like he was struggling with being intimate with you- really desiring you yet struggling with his own internal morals. What’s beautiful is that you both have experienced a very amicable breakup. With time and emotional surrender, who knows what may happen? He has to feel inwardly confident in his spiritual convictions in order to move forward in a relationship in a way that would be a healthy expression of intimacy. Unlike the Aqua moon I mentioned, it sounds like your Aqua is attempting to handle his journey much more gracefully.
What is beautiful
@no-perspiration
So good to hear you and Cancer are going strong!
I was the one who said the ‘out-Aqua’ comment. I read that somewhere.
Calling an Aqua out, too? Yup. That sounds about right.
The sucky thing about ‘out-Aquaing’ an Aqua, in my case, is that once they have resurfaced my Scorpio passionate awesomeness for them as cooled so much so. Its room temperature. Its amazing how that room temperature can then get a male Aqua all hot-blooded. LOL!
@no-p
“he’s at the Jesus crucifixion age.” – LOL!
@NP-
I am so happy to hear that things with the Cancer are going well. It sounds like you have great communication and that you will both benefit from the relationship as you have different styles, you said you are more reserved and from what i have read of Cancers there are very emotional. You are a stronger person that I am. I think if I saw my boyfriend hugging an ex girlfriend I would have been PISSED. But I would have bottled it up and acted out in other ways until he asked what was wrong. I have trust issues in relationships and it has mostly to do with my cheating Aries ex. That is one of the major things I am going to miss the most about the Aqua. I never had to question what he said or what he was doing. I knew he would never lie to me or cheat on me. Hell he even would tell me who was texting him and I didn’t even have to ask. With him I could let go of all my trust and jealousy issues.
@ Everyone
I need some advice. I had previously bought the Aqua a Christmas present. He is a big Detroit Red Wings fan and presently does not have any tream aparel. I bought him a jersey. I told him the night we broke up that I still wanted him to have it. He was floored and kept asking me if I was sure as they are sort of expensive. My question is I have been thinking about writing a letter and putting it in a Christmas card along with the gift. I have so much I wanted to say when we were breaking up but couldn’t find the words to express it. I wanted to express how I felt there was something missing too and that that was a lack of affection and intimacy (non sexual) and how I hoped he didn’t take it as a sign of disinterest on my part. He had admitted that the extreme intimacy we shared in the beginning scared him as you get really close to someone and then the next day they are gone. He said he put up a wall which I felt and caused me to put up a wall. It caused me to be unsure if showing affection would be wanted or welcomed. I wanted to explain that if this was any contributing factor to the breakup that I wish I would have spoke up sooner instead of worrying about rocking the boat and maybe things would have gone differently. I also wanted to thank him as I feel majorly blessed to have had him in my life. And to let him know that I would still be there for him as I know he is going through a trying time and doesn’t talk to a lot of people or trust a lot of people to confide in. I don’t know how this would be perceived by him, if I should just send the card and not write the letter, if I should write the letter but leave out the part of what I felt was missing as I do not want to sound accusatory.
It hit me today that we aren’t together. Yesteday was the first day since we met that we didn’t speak. I miss him so much and didn’t realize how attached I had become to him until he was no longer there.
Amanda,
I think it’s perfectly ok to send him that shirt and the letter, but I’d leave out the too-soon-emotional-hot-n-heaviness of y’alls relationship. Just remain very positive in the letter. Everything else is awesome, I feel. You know, love is being able to set that love free. You will be fine! I mean a) it wasn’t you b) you’re learning and was able to trust a man c) you’ve found the ability to be patient and d) you’ve literally remained cool, calm, and collected during all of this. You should have no regrets and just wish the Aquarius the best. You may have some empty feelings since the relationship never got up and going, but that guy isn’t going anywhere. He’s going to do him. Although a tad bit selfish, this is one of those life changing moments and, most times, an Aquarius person needs to make the decision all by themselves.
With regards to your ex Aries – I was cheated on by a Pisces guy that I lived with for almost 3 years. He cheated on me more than once, but tried to rather convince ME I was going insane instead of just telling me the truth. He got my loyalty, but had me feeling jealous and insecure. Not jealous of other girls, but jealous that he would be sooooo emotionally and verbally abusive to me (justifying his cheating) then turn around and go to work and be all chummy til he came home. I was in a toxic relationship. Now, jealousy does not come too naturally for an Aquarius. It was the only time I felt it in my life and I SWORE I would never allow myself to feel that again. I swore I would have a backbone and demand respect from then on and that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. The 2nd date my Cancer and I went on had us both discussing our exes. The ONLY reason I brought mine up is because I got a text from a mutual friend of ours saying my ex saw me on his fb and wanted him to delete me. I’m 29 and this man is 31/32 and now has a baby with a 23 year old! How immature was that request, ya know?! Anyway, the Cancer guy (and this is why I think he’s so much better than the Capricorn I briefly dated is) said “the more you let him bother you. The more control he has”… which made so much sense. The Aquarius aloofness in me woke up. So, since the Pisces man was also the one who could make me feel insecure and jealous I will not let any other man do that to me. I highly suggest you think about it like this, ok? That way, you give yourself and whoever you choose to court a big clean slate. People do have to earn their trust, but you also have to respect yourself and let it be known you will not be putting up with any horseshit. It’s funny, the Cap I dated thought I would be jealous in our relationship because his long-love-lost ex girlfriend was jealous… and his mind had been made up, but he had NO PROOF that I was jealous and I WASN’T jealous. I just had to research why he broke up with me for no apparent reason (ex girlfriend came into town wanting closure).. but, whatever. Like I said, the Cancer man is emotionally in-tune with himself and with reality. I don’t think the Capricorn was. He lived in the past and compared me to his past. Not fair in the slightest…. and not smart, either.
@NP-
It sounds like your Pisces and my Aries could have been the same guy. He always turned it around and made me feel like it was my fault that HE cheated. I am glad you are in a much healthier, more respectful relationship now. The Aqua told me that he knew I wasn’t a jealous person and I almost laughed in his face because I am, but then I realized that with him I wasn’t because he didn’t give me any reason to be jealous or suspicious like I have in past relationships, even with my Taurus ex-husband who was about as trusthworthy as they come, I still had doubts. The Aqua was the first guy I knew I had no reason to worry. How did you get out of that toxic relationship?
@AquaMan-
Not sure why your comment isn’t showing up, but here is his chart. I don’t know the time he was born so it isn’t complete.
Sun Aquarius 11.27
Moon Taurus 16.16
Mercury Aquarius 26.27
Venus Capricorn 29.02 R
Mars Taurus 15.56
Jupiter Aquarius 21.29
Saturn Gemini 28.27 R
Uranus Libra 27.46 R
Neptune Sagittarius 9.12
Pluto Libra 6.41 R
Lilith Capricorn 18.50
Asc node Sagittarius 27.49
He actually doesn’t have any water signs in his chart, although this might have been different had I known the time.
What you said about him just wanting sex got me to thinking. If sex was all he was after, would he have stayed with me for that long after we stopped having sex? We dated for about a month before we had sex and had sex for about two or three weeks until he cut it off. And then were together for about two, two and a half months before he ended things. He told me that he has only been with 3 people and that even when we had sex the first time he was feeling guilty but that it was hard to “be good.” He also was worried when we started having sex that that would be all we would do. Knowing the man he is I believe him completely but maybe this is being naive and wanting to believe him too.
Amanda,
Psshhh sex wasn’t all he was after. Who said that?!
Um, long story short – I had had enough. I started investigating via an ex girlfriend. Got proof, heard stories… read text messages verifying he was “tag-smashing” with his brother. One of the girls was under the legal limit. I got so disgusted that I left 2 days after finding stuff out. Didn’t tell him. Just moved all my stuff out in one day. He came home to an empty apartment and I blocked my number. 10 days later, we talked it out, I gave him a second chance, we were going good for 2 months then he broke the agreement. The agreement was simple: Don’t lie. But, he lied about his whereabouts and going out for drinks with a female coworker. So, since he lied… and I wanted him to realize what he had done… I went to his work and told all his coworkers that I had known for a long time all about what he did and our relationship. The girl he had drinks with found out and told him I told all the coworkers. Took about a week. I got a phone call that he was “shocked” and we “were over”. I missed him and what could have been for awhile after that, but justice, in my opinion, was served. I was making my “don’t undermine me” move. There’s a few more things that happened, but I don’t need to publicly post it lol! Let’s just say… I put my all into relationships, but don’t make me out to look like a fool.
btw, I talk so modestly about this lol! He knew he lied. He was so caught, it was retarded. Like I said, I had had enough. Multiple girls crushed on him and he appeased a handful. Even in our own apartment complex!! I am glad that’s over with though. Talk about an inflated ego. Haha, he would often say “Do you know who I am?!” ummm….. a jackass?! He’s with a Capricorn now, so I’m glad he’s happy and she can set his ass straight.
@no-perspiration
When she mentioned “all he wanted was sex” she was talking about a comment I had made on her situation, not yours.
@Amanda
Did some digging on what the planets might mean for his placements. This is mostly from About.com’s astrology section.
When VENUS or MARS is in Taurus, the sexual nature involves all of the senses. Touch and smell are supremely important to these lovers. These are the most physical of sexual partners. No frills sex is quite fine, as long as the mood is right and there is plenty of physical contact. These lovers don’t have a reputation for spontaneity or variety, but they are good at what they do nonetheless, simply because they are truly right there with you. Abstaining from sex is especially difficult for Taurus, so finding a regular sex partner is particularly important. Their sexual stamina during love-making is long-lasting and steady. Although generally patient, their style is natural and physical, and intellectualizing the sex act would only serve to baffle Taurus.
Venus in Capricorn
In Love and Romance:
You’re fairly discriminating, and know when you’ve found a well-rounded person that can be your rock. When dating, you probably ask questions about career first, sussing out the level of ambition. You want to join with someone that you can build an empire with. You’re not likely to be into one-night stands, and will see red flags with players, or those that are all flash and no substance. You’re a bit old-fashioned, with a dream to settle down and create something that lasts. It takes a while before you open up in love, and reveal an earthy sensuality that has staying power.
Aquaman,
I already knew that. Btw, I got Venus in Capricorn, too.
If you already knew that, why ask who said it?
@NP-
Wow I am giving you a mental high five! Way to stand up for yourself. My Aries ex cheated on me multiples times, and my stupid self kept taking him back because I was so in love, like the kind of love that physically hurt it was so intense. I’ve never felt love like that and honestly I hope to never again because it wasn’t healthy. He cheated on me both times I was pregnant and I ended up losing both pregnancies I think because of stress. This was my sign from God that I wasn’t supposed to be with this man. The last straw for me was when he told me he was in love with someone else, a girl he dated in college and remained friends with. I always knew there was more to their friendship. This time it wasn’t just about sex. I walked away and never looked back. It hurt like hell. But in the end I am much, much happier. He tried to get me back, and still does to this day. He will text me and tell me his misses me and begs for another chance. I just tell him I’m happy now, even the days I’m not. Makes him madder than anything lol. I don’t think he ever thought I would really leave and not be there for him with as many times as I came back to him.
@AquaMan
Of the two descriptions you outlines, the Venus in Capricorn better describes him. Granted his Mars placement did make him ready to have sex with the slightest touch (someone pointed out to me that Mars in Taurus get turned on real easy). But he did not have the stamina described. But Lord love him, what he lacked in stamina he made up for in enthusiasm.
He text me earlier today. It wasn’t anything real earth shattering. He just told me that his friend had gotten him a ticket to the University of Kansas basketball game (of which I am a fan, he is a Duke fan). He was joking about wearing his shirt to the game. After about 20 minutes I replied and said something smart ass in return about he would do that because he was ornery and that he better carry (he is a cop) because he might not get out of the stadium alive if he did that. He didn’t say anything more nor did I. Sigh, I guess this will most likely be par for the course for our communication from now on.
He ended up texting me later last night night and posting on my fb wall. Then he text me today to tell me he was in the building that I work in. I don’t understand him.
guilt. Remember, we aquarians like to remain friends….
Amanda,
” I was so in love, like the kind of love that physically hurt it was so intense. I’ve never felt love like that and honestly I hope to never again because it wasn’t healthy.”
Yep, been there, done that. My ex flirted his ass off with me and even tried to get nookie up to 4 months after our breakup and he was already with his Cap. I’m sure you feel great pride in saying “NO”. Aries tend to linger around, I’ve noticed. Dated two.
AquaMan,
I apologize. I can see how that was confusing. I haven’t been reading some posts on here, just skimmed. Sorry.
NP-
You’re probably right about it being guilt. It’s probably wishful thinking on my part that he misses me and regrets his decision.
Amanda,
He may very well miss you. Just keep things realistic. He’s doing him so go and do you. Time really does heal all wounds, so just sit back. Know he’s going to be okay and so are you. The only thing that’s constant in life is change. Inward change and outward change.
my aqua came back to me. but i dnt want her anymore. love is forever but lust is not lmao. i feel like a load is off my shoulders and i can move on at peace. phew